In part one of a two-part story about the collision of ADHD and perimenopause, we talk to artist Jo Randerson about their eye-opening experience
Jo Randerson (they/them) – a theatre practitioner, comedian, playwright, director, filmmaker, activist, author, Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit, and force of nature – is also an open book in many respects, as an artist who draws on their own experiences. In new solo theatre show ‘Speed is Emotional’, which opens in Auckland tonight, Jo is very open about having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder [ADHD].
People with ADHD have an imbalance of certain neurotransmitters, particularly dopamine, which play crucial roles in attention, motivation, and reward processing. ADHD can involve deficits in self-regulation such as problems with time management, task initiation and sustained attention, impulsiveness, hyperactivity, and inattention or distractibility.
Jo, 50, was diagnosed three years ago by a private psychiatrist, after being on a long waitlist.“I was declined [diagnosis or treatment] by the public system which involved three hour-long interviews with different people.”
“I found the diagnosis a life-changing discovery and I want to talk about it with as many people as possible, including through my show. Because it feels like there’s quite a need out there. Many people have either just been diagnosed, had their kid diagnosed or seen their partner diagnosed, so I feel like people are ADHD-curious right now. It feels useful to say, ‘hey, this is my story’, because I actually feel pretty good right now – the diagnosis and the medications really helped me.”
Jo Randerson
‘Speed is Emotional’ is an autobiographical dive into what it is to be Jo Randerson, spanning ADHD, menopause, parenting, gender, rage, exhaustion and joy. Over Jo’s life, people have asked if they were high. No, this is just how they are wired. Their brain is a “supercharged pinball machine”, jumping between ideas, memories, and witticisms – hurtling at pace towards the next thing, and forgetting about the last thing.
The hyperfocus is great for creating art, and terrible for remembering to eat. The hypervigilance is great for directing, and exhausting for life. The need for physical movement is great for getting exercise, but not so great at a restaurant. “I experience some impatience and definitely physical restlessness. If I’m at a conference or something, I say ‘I’m ADHD, I’m going to stand at the back, move around, do some yoga’. Sometimes other people say, ‘I’m not ADHD but I also want to move around because I hate sitting for hours!’.”
“For me, having ADHD is like having 100 tabs open on a computer. It’s sometimes my natural tendency to sort of open all my emails simultaneously and start doing everything all at once. Where you can’t do beginning, middle, end, that’s called coordination failure. I circle round and round – or even start at the end.”
“If I’m by myself, I can sort of work through that. But sometimes people I work with say, ‘what the hell? Why are you jumping around from thing to thing? Slow down!’.”
Before the diagnosis, did Jo ever suspect they had ADHD? “I had another mental-illness diagnosis in my 20s, but the medications I took for that never quite worked. I always felt there was something more going on.”
“Yes, it would have helped to know earlier, and know some of the language surrounding ADHD. I can backtrack and see that ADHD makes sense of things like why I was angry as a teenager, and why I’d fight with people.” But what-ifs aren’t helpful. “I just deal with what’s happening right now. And I actually feel glad that I am how I am.” Because it makes them who they are? “Yes, and I accept it’s just how it is. Plus I wouldn’t have created my show otherwise.”
Jo has performed it in Wanaka and Dunedin. “I really enjoy getting audience members’ reactions. Some people said it helped them understand their head better, or their partner better. That feels celebratory for me!”
Jo and partner Thomas LaHood, who run theatre company Barbarian Productions in Wellington, also share sons Geronimo, 17, and Caspar, 13. “Caspar’s journey is entwined with mine. I was diagnosed with ADHD through him getting diagnosed, which is quite common for parents [of kids with ADHD]. I’ve thought a lot about what to talk about and not talk about in the show because of my son’s privacy.”
“I won’t talk for him too much here, but the diagnosis absolutely helped me understand him better, probably helped him understand me, and also helped me understand myself. It’s a beautiful thing as a parent when you hit that deep level of understanding with your child. He used to not want to be different, but now he’s claiming the identity, and feels ADHD is kind of special and cool.”
Jo isn’t sure why some people are overly concerned about ‘overdiagnosis’ of ADHD or are anti-medication. “My psychiatrist advised ‘try the medications and if they calm you down, that’s one of the clearest signs you have ADHD’. Also, what’s the problem with people identifying with ADHD? If someone’s asking for help, it’s important they get help.”
“The biggest thing for me was talking to my family about it. We have neurodivergence in our wider family. Some of them said ‘that totally makes sense’ or ‘I’m like that too’.”
“Sometimes there’s pushback – like ‘ADHD isn’t a thing’. In the show, I talk about how my friend’s mother said ‘you don’t have ADHD, you’re just an artist’. Some people have said things like, ‘do you want attention for it now?’ or ‘life’s hard, get over it’.” Often, though, people tell Jo that a loved one has (or suspects) they have ADHD.
“Getting a diagnosis isn’t for everyone. Medication isn’t for everyone. Sometimes a diagnosis can open doors, and sometimes it can put people in boxes, which isn’t so helpful.” Jo says many people from older generations have been dealing with ADHD without labelling it. “Like, ‘we know our child needs a BIG run around every day’. I find it beautiful that some people have found coping strategies without a medical diagnosis.”
“I look at it through the lens of ‘what does that person need?’.”
Perimenopause strikes
Before experiencing it, Jo saw menopause as just something that would happen sometime. They’d heard a lot about hot flushes, but didn’t know much about perimenopause. It usually starts in your mid-40s (sometimes earlier) – and lasts approximately four years (anywhere from two to eight years) until you’ve gone 12 months without a period.
Jo began experiencing symptoms that they thought may be down to Covid lockdowns and cabin fever making people feel crazy.
“I started feeling really big emotional shifts, big mood swings.” There were migraines, depression, insomnia. “I felt out of control, in a way I hadn’t felt since my 20s. I’m very particular about what I eat, what exercise I do. I do yoga, massage and other healing practices. But suddenly that lifestyle stuff wasn’t enough.”
“I thought ‘I’d rather not be dependent on medications, but I’ll try anything because things are so bad right now. Like, what if this is the next 10 years of my life?’.”
“My older sister was a really helpful guide. I asked ‘what the hell – is this how you felt?’.” The answer was yes. “Often our systems respond quite similarly to medications, so that was helpful.” Talking to people and reading books, Jo discovered that the hormonal changes of perimenopause massively affect ADHD.
Jo saw their GP. “I trialled medications for about nine months. We juggled a few different things to get the right recipe for balance and stability – which medications would help for migraines, sleeplessness, depression, muscle pain, and ADHD.”
“Now with the medications I’m on, and also HRT [hormone replacement therapy], I feel really good!” Hot flushes are only starting to happen now.
What’s Jo’s advice to people who think they might have ADHD, or be experiencing perimenopause, or both? “I found books really helpful. Also, what close friends and family say has been invaluable to me. You could ask some of them ‘do I seem lower energy or constantly angry or behaving differently?’.”
“Also, trust your intuition. If something feels too big to handle, definitely get some help.” For starters, see your GP. “Bear in mind how long waitlists for psychiatrists are. Book in now, don’t wait.”
Jo also recommends finding lifestyle changes or habits that might help. “For me, physical exercise, diet, yoga, getting in the garden, getting my feet in the soil, really help me. And being particular about who I spend time with.”
Jo would like to see ADHD and perimenopause talked about more – so people can find help, feel less alone, and thrive. And they’re starting that conversation right now.
*See Jo Randerson in ‘Speed is Emotional’ (April 16 to May 3 at Q Theatre) presented by Silo Theatre in collaboration with Barbarian Productions. Jo also talks about the show in this video.
