Girls Get Off Co-Founder Viv Conway comes to you from the sex toy trenches in this new column Getting Off, where no topic is off the table, no chat is taboo and everything is just a little unhinged. This week, Viv needs YOUR help – if you get our vibe!
Warning: it’s adults-only chat ahead!
Someone said the nicest thing to me this week: “Let me, let you, give your coochie a break.”
I collapsed. Dropped to the ground faster than Astronomer’s former CEO at a Coldplay concert and whispered, “Praise the pleasure goddess almighty, my prayers have been answered. I’m seen, I’m heard, and I am understood.”
After the dildo chandelier and the borderline NSFW anatomy lessons we’ve covered here, I know nothing shocks you anymore. Except maybe when I tell you that message alone might’ve given me a spontaneous big-O. Not because of a new kink (although never say never), but because this whole sex toy testing situation is one of the biggest perks and biggest problems of owning a sexual wellness brand.
Turns out sometimes too many orgasms is a problem.
So, we’re outsourcing. Not our pleasure (well… maybe if you know a tall, dark, and handsome bachelor), but the testing part. It’s not unusual for brands like ours to get customer feedback, but currently, Girls Get Off is the only company in New Zealand giving people the official job title of “Sex Toy Tester.”
We’re quite literally putting the power in your hands and asking you to give us a vibe check. Here’s why:
1. The Toy Testing Struggle Is Real
Girls Get Off is run by Jo Cummins and I. We love toys, we love pleasure, and we love helping others find the kind of bedroom bliss that makes you think: “Where have you been all my life?”
It’s a great job and sometimes, we joke about being orgasm scientists, but the reality is, we are two single women with way too many samples and not enough spare time, or test subjects. Most days, we’re in vulva costumes or yapping about logistics, or brainstorming how we can get rid of an outdated pleasure belief.
99% of the time, we love that, but when a new couple’s toy arrives and needs testing, we realise it’s the 1% of the time that our business plan has a flaw. The result is triple-swiping on Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder, trying to lock in a playmate like it’s the Amazing Race: GGO Edition, or begging our partnered-up pals to do some field research for us in exchange for unlimited GGO lube.
2. Two Vulvas Do Not Make a Focus Group
Say it with us now: Girls Get Off was created to empower women in their pleasure.
How are we meant to do that if the only people testing the toys are us?
We’ve been doing this for four years now. We know what we like, and we’re a teeny tiny bit biased to our faves. Personally, I think suction vibes are mid. I know, I know, how can I say that when Missy and Tiff are our best sellers? But I said what I said.
It’s another reason why we need more vulvas in the room. What makes me go “meh” might be the exact thing that sends you levitating like a Sims character. Pleasure is personal, and we’re not here to tell you what you should like. We’re here to create options that give everyone a chance to discover what they do like.
3. A Toy Testing Tale
Flashback to a few months ago when Tiff needed an upgrade. I ordered five potential new styles and lined them up like it was a horny wine tasting. Call me the sommelier of suction.
As someone who’s already not into suction, I approached this like a woman fulfilling a sacred duty. By vibe three, I wasn’t sure if I was into it or just turned on from all the downstairs attention. By vibe five, I was in an identity crisis. Who was I? What did I like? Maybe suction vibes aren’t so bad after all?
This is why we need you. We need more vulvas, more honest feedback and more people saying, “Actually, this pulsing nub changed my life,” or “Nope, this one sounded like a NutriBullet and did nothing for me.”
So, here’s what we’re looking for:
- Vulva owners of all ages, backgrounds, preferences, and vibes
- People who love pleasure or are just curious and ready to explore
- No-BS, honest feedback
- The ability to write things like “setting three made me see god, setting four made me question my existence” and hit submit
- People happy to sign an NDA waiver
And here’s what’s in it for you:
- Free unreleased toys
- A real say in what we create next
- A gold star for helping close the orgasm gap, one vibe at a time
If you’ve ever looked at your toy drawer and thought, “I could be doing this professionally”, or if your group chat already relies on your reviews like you’re the Rotten Tomatoes of orgasms, consider this your moment.