Abby Howells is not only seriously funny, but she has a heart of gold and a fire inside her that’s seen her overcome many hurdles to reach her dreams – all the while, inspiring others as she does it. Here we talk to Abby about her role on the new series of Taskmaster, life on the autism spectrum and why she gave up comedy for seven years.
Thank goodness Abby Howells didn’t give up on her dream. In her early twenties she was working towards her dream of becoming a comedian – doing gigs in her hometown of Dunedin, before getting the call up to perform in Auckland. Except there, her dream was railroaded when she was sexually harassed by a male comedian. This was just “par for the course” of being a female comedian she was told (shudder) – and if that were the case, Abby did not want to subject herself to it ever again. So, for seven years she stayed away from the comedy scene, trying her hand at a different career. But… that dream was still alive inside her, so, she decided to give it another shot – and even use that experience in her first comeback comedy show.
Abby went on to win a slew of awards including Best Comedy 2019 and Emerging Artists 2020 at the Adelaide Fringe Festival as well as the big one last year: the 2023 Billy T Award. She’s also appeared on telly on shows like 7 Days and Guy Montgomery’s Guy Mont-Spelling Bee – and this month she’s landed her dream role, appearing on Taskmasters.
Abby is seriously funny and such a joy to speak to – she’s also incredibly honest and brave, and is only too willing to open up about some very personal topics, like the sexual harassment she faced and what it’s like being on the autism spectrum.
How are you today, Abby?
That’s a big question, because the temptation is just to be like, ‘I’m good, I’m good!” I had a really big day yesterday, of filming. I’m on the autism spectrum, so something like that, a long day with bright lights, loud music, lots of meeting new people – it’s a lot. And in that situation, it’s a lot about knowing when to speak, when the right time is to talk and jumping in at the right time – that all takes a lot of energy for me. So, I do love it, but today, I’m really exhausted from it!
Oh heck, that sounds draining!
It is! I feel like I’m a duck in the water, I’ll look quite normal – well, wait, no I won’t look normal, I did a lot of batshit stuff yesterday – but underneath there’s a lot of work going on.
A lot of paddling those little legs to stay afloat! I can imagine! Can you tell me a bit more about being on the autism spectrum – it wasn’t all that long ago that you got the diagnosis, right?
Yeah, I got it about two and a half years ago now. I think it was during lockdown time that my parents kind of brought it to me because they’d read something about autism in women, and they were like, ‘oh my god’. It was like reading a description of me. Suddenly a lot made sense. It took a while to see a psychologist and I did a few sessions with her and she was like, ‘ding ding ding, your parents were on the money’.
How did you feel when you got that diagnosis?
It was a weird mix of feelings – there was huge relief in some ways. After I got my diagnosis I just wanted to read and learn everything about it. I was on an autism subreddit and someone posted how much they loved The Little Mermaid, and I was like, oh that is so interesting, because I used to really love The Little Mermaid. I loved the song, Part Of Your World. I used to listen to that over and over and over again. I remember being a kid and feeling big feelings and going to listen to that song, so I thought, I’ll listen to it again now for old time’s sake. And, it just made me feel really emotional for my young self, because the lyrics are like, ‘I wanna be where the people are”. I just remember that feeling of everyone being up on the shore dancing in the sun, and Ariel being in her cave – like she has all her things that she likes, but she’s not with everyone else. That made me feel sad to think about how much of my life I’d felt like that. But apart from that moment of sadness, I’d say it’s been really positive.
If you could go back in time and speak to that little girl you once were, what would you say to her now?
I think I’d say to myself, like, you’re not a freak, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just coming at things from a different angle from everyone else and the people that like you will meet you where you’re at. You don’t need to be like everyone else. But also don’t pluck your eyebrows too much because you’ll be dealing with that for the rest of your life!!
[Laughs] Lordy, the best advice! Abby, you have such a great way of describing things. I just saw a thing online where you described autism as being like turning up to play a game, except everyone else has been told the rules before you get there and you’re supposed to play along, even though you don’t know the rules. That’s such a great way of conveying what your experience is like.
Haha, thanks. I guess I’m just deeply introspective and have main character of my life energy! [Laughs]
Ha, well, if you’re not going to be, then who is! Now, tell me about Taskmasters – you’re on the new season. Is it as much fun as it looks like it is?
It was like a dream come true, to be honest. I really was so excited. I’d just gone through a tough time, like, I had a big breakup and was back living with my parents. I think during that time, I was just obsessed with Taskmasters, all I wanted to do was watch that, and I got my parents on board and we would watch Taskmasters every single night. We’d have a compromise, where my dad would choose something to watch you know, a BBC drama and then they’d have to watch Taskmasters. We watched all the different series – the British and the New Zealand series. So, getting the call that I was on it, was genuinely a dream come true. And then I got to call my parents and tell them that I was going to be on it!
Oh amazing – what was their reaction?
Oh they were very excited. My dad was in the garden and was like, ‘My gosh, I’ve got to get in the house and tell your mother!” I have a feeling they’re going to get quite offended when I get scored low though. They’ll both be saying, ‘that deserved more points!!’
What is it about working in comedy that you love so much?
I think the thing that’s been powerful for me in my life, has been being able to take things that were bad experiences or embarrassing or things that you really love about yourself and then share them with people and turn them into a joke and share them with people! I find that to be really a powerful thing.
In some ways it means when I have those experiences I can be like, oh, I gotta turn this into material! I guess that’s the way my brain works. And it means you’re working with people who also think that way. There’s something powerful about talking about something onstage and you’re okay, you’ve got some distance from it, and it makes you feel like things are going to be okay. You know that things can feel like the worst thing in the world, but a few years later you’ll be laughing about it onstage.
You have had a massive few years and there’s so much I need to congratulate you for. Last night I was watching your acceptance speech for the Billy T James award and wow, it is one of the best acceptance speeches I’ve ever heard. I thought it was so brave that you referenced the fact that you were out of comedy for seven years, following a situation in which you were sexually harassed. I really want to thank you and congratulate you for your bravery in talking so openly about that.
Thank you, I think I wanted to share it because when I wasn’t doing standup, when I was living in Dunedin, I really felt that I was done. That I was too old to try and that I’d missed the boat and the dreams I had weren’t going to come true and I needed to accept that. But I found huge inspiration in stories of people who were a bit older and had come back.
I loved to hear those stories because they made me think, I’m not finished, I’m only 32, it’s not that old! I wanted to share it in case that might help someone else. I really feel with standup though that you can start at any time. It’s never too late to start and I 100% want more women and gender diverse people in comedy, so I hoped that if there was anyone who might be inspired by my story I wanted to share it and get them in!
Was there a catalyst moment or anything that happened that made you decide to give it another go?
I think I was quite depressed, to be honest. I think I thought, well, I’d rather look back on my life and have failed than look back on my life and had not tried.
And what happened when you came back? Did you tell people what had happened? What was the response?
I think when it first happened I wasn’t really part of the community much, living in Dunedin. I think that was why I didn’t come back because I had no idea who to talk to about it – there’s no sense of hierarchy. Who would I have spoken to? And on the night it was unremarkable, it seemed like it was just a normal thing that happened. So I think I felt like, ‘oh if I’m going to continue to do this, it’s going to be like this pretty regularly’ and I didn’t want that.
How I came back was writing an hour long show and in it I wrote about the incident and why I’d been away. I’d been pretty nervous to do it, because I felt a lot of shame about it too. People said things to me like, ‘it wasn’t that bad’ or ‘if you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen’. But the response there was the opposite. Everyone was so welcoming – the comedians especially. I felt like I was really embraced and it was overwhelmingly positive.
It’s so encouraging to hear. Thank you for sharing – unfortunately it happens all too much, in many different fields, but particularly entertainment. Is there anything you’d say to any women reading who might have had a similar experience?
I think first of all I’d say you didn’t do anything wrong, because I think I beat myself up a bit over that. You know, I’d say to myself, ‘oh I asked for that’ or I was too confident, or something. So I would say, you didn’t do anything wrong! You deserve to be in this space. They did the wrong thing. It’s really hard, because you don’t want to recommend that someone go back into an environment that is scary – or dangerous! But I would say, if you’re in comedy and this has happened, any female comedian will want to support you. Don’t be ashamed to talk about it to people because I think all you would find from other females would be support.
You have a pretty full on schedule at times now – what do you do to take care of yourself?
Yeah, I find a lot of comfort in routine, so I have my routines I do. And, I hate to say it, because I hate to hear it but… exercise. It was the worst discovery of my whole life. It did make me feel better, have more energy and sleep better and feel less anxious. That’s a really unfortunate discovery.
Taskmaster NZ starts Tuesday 6 August, 7.30pm, TVNZ 2 and TVNZ+ and continues Wednesday
