Broadcaster, podcaster and self-proclaimed slow-living advocate Polly ‘PJ’ Harding has built a life that looks a lot like the one she used to dream about. Settled on a farm in Masterton with her husband BJ and their two little ones – four-year-old Charlie and one-year-old Frankie – PJ has traded the buzz of Melbourne breakfast radio for crisp country air and a pace that actually suits her. These days she’s co-hosting The Hit’s Drive show with Matty McLean from her rural hideaway, running her podcast Slow It Down, and doing her best to practise what she preaches. We sat down with PJ to talk about finding contentment after burnout, why the myth of work-life balance is setting women up to fail, building resilience through redundancy and grief, and how the simple things- good coffee, flowers, a glass of red and a cat who knows how to chill – really do turn out to be everything.
CAPSULE: Kia ora, PJ – so, how are you today?
PJ: I’m definitely feeling the busyness of the last few months. I literally took a couple of days off over the last week because I knew I’d hit that point of capacity. I do a podcast called Slow It Down, which is literally about finding peace in the chaos, so I figured if I can’t even listen to my own body when it’s telling me to slow down, what am I doing? I had enough annual leave and I was like, you know what, I’m actually just going to take some time to catch up. And I really needed it. Life has never been busier, but I honestly feel very content. Deeply content.
What an incredible feeling!
PJ: It is. I had a friend ask me over the weekend if I was happy and enjoying life, and I said I’ve actually never been more content. I don’t feel like I’m looking for that next thing all the time. I’m so happy where I am for the first time in a while. It’s a cool place to be.
And you’ve got that beautiful view of trees and bush and nature behind you. The view is ridiculous!
PJ: It really is. And I have to remind myself, because I wanted this for so long. It’s so easy to get into that trap of going, what’s next, what’s next? I love that quote ‘remember when you wanted exactly what you have right now’. I just have to remind myself of that constantly. Otherwise you miss all of the blessings right in front of you.
That kind of leads into what I wanted to ask you. Do you ever look back on your life seven or eight years ago, when you were in Melbourne doing Aussie breakfast radio, and then look out at that view and think, wow, this is a different life?
PJ: It is a wild contrast. But the funny thing is, when I did hit that sort of rock bottom during Covid lockdown, this is all I wanted. I wanted to be home. And I have to remind myself of that, because you can easily put on those grass-is-greener glasses, can’t you? You can think, ‘oh man, how cool was Melbourne?’ I was out and about, I had so much to do, and the money was great. But actually I have to remind myself that I wasn’t super content by the end. It’s that constant perspective check. Your brain wants to trick you into thinking that something else was better, or could be better. But you have to stomp it down and go, no. Remember what you were actually feeling at the time.
Would you agree it’s kind of a shift that happens between your twenties and your thirties? Because in your twenties it’s all about money, status, career, always reaching for the next rung on the ladder. And then suddenly you get to your thirties and you’re like, oh, I don’t want any of that!
PJ: One hundred percent. I had that moment when I was on breakfast radio in Melbourne. From the outside perspective I had everything. And I was sitting there thinking, why am I not happy? You can have all the money, you can have all the billboards! But if you don’t have roots, it means nothing. I just wanted to ground myself. I wanted to know that outside of work, I was going to be okay.
I didn’t want my whole identity to be work. So now I’ve had this opportunity to come back and create more solid foundations around me, with family, with home life, with health, all equally important. Because you see a lot of people go through the media industry and that becomes their entire identity. And so when it comes crashing down, what do you actually have?
On the work-life balance thing, I’m not actually the biggest fan of that term, because I don’t think it really exists. And I think when we talk about it, women feel this pressure to find the balance and feel like they’re failing if they can’t. What are your thoughts on that?
PJ: I think the idea of perfect work-life balance has actually set us up for failure. It really has. You have seasons, right? Particularly when you’ve got younger kids, you’re leaning heavily into that. You can try, but when you’ve got kids and you’re also working, something always has to give. There always has to be some kind of compromise. You cannot have it all at the same time. You can have it all in life at different times, sure, but not all at once.
It has to be chapters. Stages.
PJ: Exactly. You lean into those phases. And I think surrendering to the fact that you can’t do it all is actually quite freeing. What I try to do instead is focus on how I can nourish myself. How can I feed my nervous system so it stays calmer? Whether it’s ten minutes of yoga before bed, some magnesium in a bath so I can wind down, or ten minutes of breathwork in the car. It’s about bringing little rituals into your day that don’t feel completely unattainable, that actually feel like something you look forward to, that little bit of luxury. I really like a wind-down at night, something that feels a bit delicious, like a nice body oil. Because as a mum, you just do not feel treated.
So what does that actually look like for you? Say the kids are down, the farm stuff is sorted, you’ve got fifteen minutes. What do you do?
PJ: It’s either a bit of yoga, some breath work, or the Shakti mat. I used to use one and then I stopped for years, and recently I got back into it and I was like, oh, this is actually so good for winding down before bed. And then obviously, with my partnership with Whiskas at the moment, it’s just been such a good reminder. We’ve got our cat JoJo, our dog Fig, and they just know how to slow down. They’re enjoying life. They’re chilling. I think looking to animals in times of stress is actually such a good reminder that the world is so chaotic, and coming back home, being with your animals, giving them cuddles, they really are the best stress relievers.
And this sounds really weird, but massaging BJ, because we’re like ships in the night and it actually helps us reconnect. He is definitely winning in that scenario!
Does he ever return the favour?
PJ: He does sometimes! But I actually enjoy giving it too.
Going back to your animals – now you’re a farm girl – how do they shape your calm?
PJ: This campaign I’ve done with Whiskas – they’ve teamed up with Uber Eats to launch the limited-edition ‘Pocket Dial’, a physical interactive button that lets cats tap their paw to signal mealtime, so one press alerts their human and adds a free Whiskas sample to their Uber Eats cart – has been a lovely reminder of the joy pets bring. JoJo was actually my first baby, I got her during lockdown. So being able to reconnect with her through this campaign was really special.
Has being a mum given you a whole new perspective on your world?
PJ: Oh yeah. I used to not understand it when people would have babies and post a little world emoji, like, how can they be your whole world? But they really are. As soon as they come into your life, they flip everything upside down and change everything. It all comes back to what’s going to be best for them now.
How old are Charlie and Frankie now?
PJ: Charlie’s four, and Frankie is one. It goes so fast. But it does get cooler, and it gets easier in some ways. You’re constantly going through new challenges, but it’s so cool to watch them start to grow up and see the little humans they’re turning into.
Do you feel like you’re in a better, more resilient place with your mental health now, with a bit of wisdom and perspective? Or is it still a work in progress?
PJ: Always a work in progress. Life is full of ebbs and flows. And I think we have this idea that we can get to a point where nothing will ever phase us, but that’s not life. My dad passing in 2019 was huge, and then going through Covid on top of that. But I think the more hard things you do experience, the more evidence you have that you can survive. It builds resilience. It doesn’t make you bulletproof for the next tough time. It just reiterates that you’ve got the tools to get through again. You can look back and go, actually, this seemed like a time where I wasn’t going to survive, but I did. I can do hard things. That’s a really powerful epiphany to have.
I’d say I’m generally a lot less anxious than I used to be. I’ve always been very OCD. I used to do rituals because I was worried that if I didn’t, my parents would die. And then when my dad actually died, that was quite confronting, because I was like, maybe these little rituals aren’t that powerful. In a strange way that was… empowering?! I still have my rituals, but they don’t have the same hold over me.
And when anxiety does lift, even temporarily, it’s like, oh, so this is what normal feels like!
PJ: Yes! And I know the last couple of months have been crazy with work and travel, and I haven’t been able to tend to myself as much as usual. The things that keep me sane, movement, good nourishment, enough sleep, those haven’t been there. So my anxiety and irritability have crept up. But it’s just understanding which rituals you need. And it looks different for everyone.
As two women who have worked in media, which was obviously a great career choice for job security, we’ve both been through redundancies and all of that very publicly. Has getting through that and being successful on the other side helped with the resilience too?
PJ: I think it comes back to not building your whole identity around your job. I think we’ve been tricked into doing that. But actually, that’s not me, that’s me playing a role. And if I didn’t have this, I’d still be okay. That’s just a chapter. I’ve always had this feeling that I’ll be all right if I lose my job. Sure, it’s an absolute hit to the ego, but I’ve still got this, this and this. It’s just redirecting me. Rejection is always redirection.
Omg, write that down, that was good.
PJ: Omg it WAS, wasn’t it?! And the worst trap I find myself in is comparing myself to other people in the industry. I definitely did that when I was younger, and then I felt like I’d moved through it. But when I left the Jase and PJ show, which was such a massive part of my identity, I started doing it again. I was like, am I even any good without Jase? So many people had said that combination was everything, and it made me question who I was on my own. But over the last few years I’ve been building evidence that I am okay. I’ve been learning new skills that have felt uncomfortable because you’re never as good at something when you’re first starting it. You have to go through that real period of discomfort. But then over time you do get rewarded for those moments of bravery.
And you literally started your career in direct comparison to someone, because you had to change your name as there was already another Polly on your station! It started from the very beginning!
PJ: It really did. And when I look back at my early years in radio, I remember thinking I didn’t know who I was on air, that I didn’t have strong opinions. But that just comes with time and experience. Getting yourself into uncomfortable situations is where you learn the most.
Although it’s pretty frustrating to hear when you’re in your twenties and someone says just be patient. You’re like, what am I supposed to do with that?
PJ: Patience! Patience, patience, patience. And experience and time are so key. Also working smarter, not harder. That’s my new motto. Channelling energy into the right things rather than just doing all of the things.
And you’re working from home in a different city to your co-host, Matty McLean – that was pretty unprecedented for New Zealand radio. How did that feel, having enough pulling power that it could work on your terms?
PJ: It was pretty epic. I feel very privileged to be in that position, but I have worked hard, and that’s paying off. And so many people don’t even know that Matty and I are in different cities, so it’s been really cool to be part of that experiment and prove that it can work. And because Matty and I had that prior chemistry and ten years of history, I don’t think I could have done it with just anyone. We both felt really lucky for that.
CAPSULE: It sounds like you’re genuinely enjoying where you are. Are you looking across the Tasman with everything that’s happening over there in Australian radio with Kyle and Jackie O [who took over PJ’s morning show, leaving her and Jase redundant] and feeling anything?
PJ: It’s wild. It’s absolutely crazy, like history being made in the industry. But while everyone’s looking over going, man, I wish I was on that money, guess what? Money isn’t everything, and you can lose a job overnight. Honestly, building a life with solid pillars and keeping a healthy balance, because it’s not always the healthiest world to be fully submerged in. Radio is brutal.
CAPSULE: I don’t know how you all do it. Even when everything’s going well it’s still tough.
PJ: It is. You just have to remember that you can lose your job overnight and find peace with that. If you remember that it’s not everything, you’re actually golden. Then it makes it a little more fun. Otherwise you’re looking over your shoulder the whole time going, ‘am I good enough?’ Just have a good time, be yourself, lean in, embrace it. And if that ain’t good enough, then there’s something better for you. Rejection, redirection!
CAPSULE: Last question. If I said to you right now, PJ, what is you dream day, what are we doing?
PJ: Okay. Good coffee, first of all. Then maybe we’re at a local market picking out some cute flowers. It’s an autumn day, crisp and fresh. We put the flowers in a vase. Then maybe there’s a massage or some really delicious yoga that just melts me. Then some time with the kids, out on an adventure for an hour or two, and then they somehow drift off for a sleep. Then there’s delicious food being made, and there’s family or friends around, and a glass of red in the afternoon with some good tunes. Those crisp autumn days are my favourite. And then, what have I missed? A bit of pizza or a curry night with everyone over. Just those simple things. Flowers, coffee, family, fun and a bit of wine. It’s all about the glimmers and all about connection.
