Nikkola Silvester has been through burnout – she knows the exhaustion, the guilt, the stress and the mental load of being completely at the end of her tether. Burnout is no longer a buzzword, it’s become a global epidemic, and women are carrying a disproportionate share of the load. Here in Aotearoa, Massey University’s 2024 research found 57% of workers are now at high burnout risk, more than double from just a few months earlier. Globally, a Forbes survey of 5,000 working women this year reported nearly 1 in 4 feel job burnout. Nikkola, now a wellbeing coach, doesn’t think that’s good enough, so now she helps her fellow women get through burnout – and here she writes about her own experiences, as well as her advice on how to fix burnout:
I remember a moment, not too long ago, when I sat staring at my laptop, the cursor blinking at me like it was mocking my exhaustion. My inbox was overflowing, I was double-booked, and despite promising myself I’d slow down, the weight felt heavier. I was running on empty – and I knew I wasn’t the only one.
In conversations with women across all kinds of industries, I hear the same quiet confessions: “I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this pace” or “I feel guilty even thinking about taking a break.” Exhaustion has become the unspoken tax we pay for ambition, or the silent proof of how hard we’re working.
But burnout isn’t inevitable. And it should never be worn as a badge of honour.
Why “just rest” misses the point
When people talk about burnout, the advice most often offered is simple: “just rest.” But anyone who’s been there knows rest alone doesn’t fix it. You can sleep all weekend and still wake up Monday morning feeling wired and weary.
That’s because burnout isn’t only about being tired. It’s about boundaries, expectations, and the relentless pace of modern life. For many women, rest is treated as a reward we only allow ourselves once everything is finished – but “finished” never really comes.
What we’re doing wrong is glorifying overwork and normalising exhaustion as the price of ambition. We treat burnout as inevitable, instead of recognising it as a signal that something must change.
The counterintuitive fix? Rest has to come first. It’s not the prize at the end – it’s the fuel that gets you there.
The hidden early warning signs
Burnout doesn’t usually arrive with a dramatic crash. It sneaks in quietly. Maybe it looks like brain fog, where even small tasks feel overwhelming. Maybe it’s irritability or snapping at people you love. Sometimes it’s lying awake at 2am, looping through to-do lists or replaying the day’s conversations.
For me, the signs crept in when I was juggling competing deadlines and responsibilities at home. I’d find myself staring at the screen, unable to focus, then feel guilty for being short with my family. That guilt only added to the spiral.
The first step to breaking it? Simply noticing. Naming what’s happening – “I’m feeling overwhelmed” – creates space to act before exhaustion tips into collapse.
Why women are more vulnerable
Burnout can affect anyone, but the women I work with often carry a heavier load. Not just the visible workload, but the invisible mental load: the remembering, planning, anticipating, caring.
We celebrate women for being resilient and adaptable, but too often that comes at the expense of their own wellbeing. They’re the first to step up and the last to put their needs first.
It’s no surprise burnout is rising most sharply among high-achieving women. Lately, I’ve noticed more struggling with the “always-on” culture of hybrid work, the pressure to say yes to everything, and the digital fatigue of constant notifications. Even outside office hours, the demands keep coming – and the line between work and life feels thinner than ever.
Many believe the only solution is to find another job. But unless habits and boundaries shift, burnout has a way of following you into the next role. Real change comes not from running away, but from learning to reset and protect your energy wherever you are.
The paradox: NZ’s work-life balance reputation
On the surface, New Zealand is ranked as one of the best places in the world for work-life balance. Yet Massey University’s 2024 data shows 57% of our workforce now sits in the high-risk burnout category – more than double the rate just months earlier. That gap between the numbers and our lived reality is where so many women are quietly struggling.
Because the truth is, balance on paper doesn’t always translate into balance in practice. Cost-of-living pressures, long commutes, blurred lines with remote work, and the expectation to be always available erode that so-called balance. And for many women, the workday doesn’t end when the laptop shuts. There’s dinner, children’s homework, household admin, emotional support for friends or family. It’s an endless second shift – and it’s taking a hidden toll.
The counterintuitive fixes that work
The most powerful fixes aren’t dramatic overhauls — they’re small, consistent shifts that reset your system:
- Micro-breaks as fuel: Ten minutes outside. Lunch away from your desk. Three deep breaths before your next meeting. Small pauses interrupt the stress cycle.
- Boundaries as filters: Not every “urgent” thing is important. Protecting your time means letting go of the trivial so your energy flows into what matters most.
- Practical over perfect: “Good enough” will often take you further than holding out for perfect. At home, choose one or two rituals that truly restore you, and let the rest go.
- Weekly closure: Try the Friday Five-Minute Finish — write down three wins, one carry-forward, then close the laptop. It gives your brain permission to mark the week as done.
Individually, these may feel small. But stacked together, they change the way you meet pressure. They give you space to recover in real time, instead of waiting for a mythical “someday” when life slows down.
The bigger picture
Burnout often peaks as the year winds down, but it doesn’t have to define this season of life. It’s not a sign of strength to run yourself into the ground. The real strength lies in knowing when to pause, reset, and protect the spark that makes your effort worthwhile.
Imagine reaching the end of the year not completely drained, but with enough energy to enjoy what matters most. That’s possible. It starts when we stop equating exhaustion with achievement and start treating our wellbeing as the foundation for everything else.
Because the truth is, when women protect their energy, they don’t just make it through demanding times – they reclaim them, fully and on their own terms.
About me
I have experienced burnout myself. After decades in high-pressure corporate environments, I was completely drained. I gave everything to work, my team, and my family — and didn’t have enough for myself. That turning point reshaped how I live and lead. Now, I work as a wellbeing coach helping women break free from burnout and reclaim their confidence. My programme, Burnout to Bold, guides women to recognise early warning signs, reset their energy, and create sustainable success. I also share regular tools and strategies on Instagram at @nikkola_silvester.