Wednesday, February 1, 2023

I’ll Have What She’s Having: Our Panel Reviews the Lucent Teardrops Glass Massager & They Are SHOOK – Is This the Most SURPRISING Dildo Ever?

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The books we're reading, the vibrators we're using, the rants we're having and more in our weekly EDM.

IT’S BACK! By POPULAR demand, welcome back to I’ll Have What She’s Having, our monthly panel of real, honest sex toy reviews, in conjunction with our friends at Adulttoymegastore where we find the best sex toys in NZ. We have a brand new group of diverse, fun and fabulous panellists who are ready and willing to try out some new products This month we’re reviewing the Lucent Teardrops Glass Massager a glass dildo that has taken our panel QUITE by surprise. If you missed our former editions, click here for our previous reviews! and don’t forget to use CAPSULE10 for a 10% discount at Adulttoymegastore!

Lucent Teardrops Glass Massager

Tiffany, 33 – bisexual woman, currently single and living alone – just her, her plants & trusty Satisfyer Pro 2! Experienced toy user who’s keen to give (almost) anything a go!

“The stuff magic is made of… it created some super intense orgasms AND you can make your play icy and spicy!”

Not gonna lie, there were almost a few teardrops when I opened this one and saw that it didn’t vibrate … I was more than a little disappointed. But forever the optimist, I was determined to figure out how to make this work for me. 

It’s a glass massager, with some interesting textures to “stimulate and pleasure”. On its own it provided some desirable sensations, but given that my thing is clitoral stimulation, it didn’t have a chance in hell of getting me anywhere even close to orgasm. Buuuut, it turns out it plays well with friends, so when I paired it with my SP2 … HELLO! The combo of it hitting the right angles while the SP2 did its thing is the stuff magic is made of, and it created some super intense orgasms. 

The cool thing about the glass is you can use it for temperature play too, so you can make your play icy or spicy by adding it to hot or cold water (even more fun if you leave that decision up to a partner to surprise you with). So overall for me, it’s not cut out to be the star of the show, but makes for an excellent supporting act.

Rachel, 34, a new mum navigating life as a parent with her husband – not the most experienced toy user but is keen to battle past her apprehension to try new things and embrace her sexuality

“I was surprised that I enjoyed watching my partner use it on me – I felt very sexy.”

I have never had any toy like this one before, but I have to say now – I am a fan! I’d always admired these types of glass or stone toys, but had never been brave enough to try.

The Lucent Teardrops Glass Massager is a lovely addition to your bedside drawer. I love that you can amp up the intensity by placing it in warm or cold water beforehand. My husband enjoyed being teased with it, enjoying the cooler temperatures across his body, before we switched to me.

It’s heavy without being too heavy, and its length means it reaches some very nice spots. Speaking of bravery – the packaging encourages you to try it with anal play. This isn’t something I’ve tried before, so I’m still working up the courage to try it in this way.

However, I really, really enjoyed when it was used vaginally. I had to tell hubby not to twist it, as the raised edges felt too uncomfortable that way. But when used with a slow, pulsing motion… ooooh, that was nice! I was surprised that I enjoyed watching my partner use it on me – I felt very sexy. Of course, it’s great for solo play, too. I would absolutely recommend this one.

Kaos, 28 & non-binary, lives with their long-term partner and cat and is on a sexual journey to pleasure

“It reminded me that I need to not always just go for the *wham bam thank you ma’am* approach when engaging in solo play.”

The shape of this toy was curious to look at and I was a bit nervous about the glass massager as something so rigid seemed like it could hurt. But this isn’t really the toy you use when you want to go all out – rather, you want this when you wanna slow things down and get back to a more sensual and slow-building experience.

I’ve been using a lot of vibrators recently and my first thought was ‘this isn’t stimulating enough’. But once I took the time to really take it slow and build up pleasure, the enjoyment really started. I didn’t find I could finish with this toy but it definitely got things started, and it reminded me that I need to not always just go for the *wham bam thank you ma’am* approach when engaging in solo play.

The temperature play was definitely a highlight and would be my go-to from now on when using glass specifically.

I enjoyed this product but I’m not sure glass is for me, especially as I’m not a huge fan of how easily it glides in and out. I like something with a little more grip and friction. I also found this “massager” actually makes a decent muscle massager as the different bumpy areas and bulb end make for really good massaging. I will also say the clean-up on the glass was so much easier. 


Louise, 50 – divorced and who has never used toys before, but who IS keen to challenge herself to try new things post-separation

“I want to display this in my glassware collection – who would know?! Solid, weighty and does the job beautifully.”

I want to display this beautiful glass massager on my coffee table! It’s elegant & a real pleasure to look at – I reckon you could hide it in your glass collection, who would know!

I really enjoy the variety of temperature you can get with glass and how you can chill itor warm it up, and oh my God the smoothness of the glass – no lube needed there! But mostly I’m all about that textured shaft & the pleasure that really stimulates me! The length is awesome too, it’s solid and weighty which I love.

It took a bit of time to come without a vibrator, but the smoothness and textured shaft eventually do it for me. Love this toy and not only for its looks!

Catherine, 30, a toy virgin and newly-single woman who’s looking to seize every opportunity coming her way (whether it’s boy or toy!) but is keen to take matters into her own hands (literally)

Basically, if you ever fantasised about sex with Edward Cullen, here you go.

When I opened the package, the Lucent Teardrops Glass Massager fascinated me.    

It looks pretty. Unlike more “realistic” dildos, which I personally find off-putting, it is not intimidating – more like a sort off phallic paperweight. It feels nice too. The glass has some heft and is cool and smooth to hold. 

So, I was intrigued. And then disappointed. My first attempt was more reminiscent of a speculum jabbing around down there than something pleasurable. It went back under the bed and I wrote it off as not for me, at the back of my mind wondering if I was just lazy and wanting something with batteries (or a pulse!). 

Then I saw an Instagram post rating this as someone’s top toy and my curiosity was piqued once again. Troubleshooting then followed. Playing fast and loose with my browser history and targeted advertisements, I googled, read reviews, and then worked my way through a decent number of how-to-use-a-dildo articles.   

The conclusion? Lube. Lots of lube and embracing the fact that apparently under my bed is quite a bit cooler than elsewhere in my bedroom.  

The second and subsequent attempts were far more successful! I had this weird lightbulb moment when I realised that dildos are meant to simulate dicks.  While not the same as the real thing, there are definite parallels with the “experience”, far more so than with a vibrator. 

Having got over my initial shock (and medical associations) of the cold glass, that too is quite enjoyable.  I was not, however, brave enough to try heating it. The pretty blue bumps may add to the experience for some people but, for me at least, the bumps were only really aesthetic.  

It takes more effort than something with batteries, and it is not as “efficient” but I think that is part of the appeal.  A saucy scene in your head, a bit of time, and (see above) lots of lube and you’re sorted.

Basically, if you ever fantasised about sex with Edward Cullen, here you go.

Jane, 45, Māori mum-of-four who’s currently in a long-distance relationship and who needs to get *creative* to keep that intimacy alive!

“A pretty toy that will definitely be getting encore performances… and definitely prettier than anything I’ve ever seen in anyone’s pants.”

I’ve never owned a glass massager, I’ve never understood the point. They’re not terribly girthy and they seem a tad uncomfy, and can’t say I have ever wanted to be massaged down there by glass.  

I was, however, intrigued to see this in my box of goodies. For starters, it’s so gorgeous – too pretty to hide with the other BOBs (Battery Operated Boyfriends) in the bedside drawer, and definitely prettier than anything I’ve ever seen in anyone’s pants. Secondly, it’s lovely to touch – so cool and pleasingly weighty with bumpy blue nodules up and down its length.

Since I’m athletically challenged, operating it on my own for the first time was a meh experience. I think I needed longer arms to really get the ‘massage’ going and since I also need vibe action on the clit and a spicy video on my phone (I know, I know, I’m needy and greedy) I ran out of hands and ended up giving up.   

Using it with my partner, however, was a different story. He had a much better vantage point to hit the right spots with both wand and vibe, and I got to lay back and just enjoy it all. The feeling of glass is such a different experience for your senses, being so cool and rigid. The look on his face assured me he was enjoying this as much as me and he tells me he’s stored the memory ‘bank’ for a later date.

This is one pretty toy that will definitely be getting encore performances.

These sex toy reviews are brought to you by Adulttoymegastore, New Zealand’s number-one sex toy retailer and proudly Kiwi owned and operated.


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