Get excited team, our most popular series is BACK – yes, it’s I’ll Have What She’s Having, our monthly panel of real, honest sex toy reviews, powered (wink) by our pals at Peaches and Cream (where you will, of course, find the best sex toys in NZ!). We have a brand-new group of diverse, fun and fabulous panellists who are ready and willing to try out some new products and give you their real, honest (and often hilarious) reviews. This month, our panel is testing out the latest from Satisfyer – yes, the makers of everyone’s bestie, the Satisfyer Pro 2 – and reviews the Satisfyer Vulva Lover 3. Come along for the ride!
“This thing is the SUV of pleasure toys… powerful, reliable and delivers the desired ‘outcum'”
Jane, 36, newly single following a 10-year marriage and mum to two kids. She’s new to toys, as during her marriage the topic was ‘banned’, so she’s open to trying new things!
This thing is the SUV of pleasure toys. It’s powerful, reliable… and slightly bigger than I expected.
Performance-wise? Absolutely no complaints. The air pulse and vibration combo is chef’s kiss, and being able to control them separately means you can operate things to your liking. It took a few goes to figure out the settings – I probably should have looked at the instructions.
Now, about the size. You can hold it in a few different ways, which is great because I definitely spent the first couple of uses rotating it around like I was trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube. Once I found the right angle, though, we were in business. The larger body can make it feel a little awkward to grip at times, occasionally distracting me from the task at hand – but it didn’t stop me from achieving my desired outcum, ha!
The silicone is luxurious, easy to clean, and it’s surprisingly quiet considering it’s working hard. The battery life has also been excellent, and I love that I don’t feel like I’m constantly reaching for the charger. It feels really well made and sturdy, which makes it seem like it’ll last for years rather than giving up after a handful of uses.
Would I buy it again? In a heartbeat. Would I complain if they released a slightly slimmer version with the exact same power? No.
Overall: 10/10 for performance, 8/10 for ergonomics, and 11/10 for making me laugh at myself while trying to figure out which way worked best for me.
“Good things really do come in small packages… that’s definitely staying in the bedside drawer!”
LadyK, 52, currently enjoying the kind of new relationship that reminds you your libido didn’t retire when your metabolism did! She’s with a younger man and is at the stage in life where confidence is high, embarrassment is low and communication is miles better – which makes things a hell of a lot more fun!
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 50s, it’s that good things really do come in small packages and this little pink powerhouse is living proof.
The Satisfyer Vulva Lover 3 arrived looking deceptively innocent. Small enough to fit comfortably in the palm of my hand, I wasn’t quite prepared for just how much punch it packed. One of the first things I noticed was how naturally it sits in your hand. No awkward wrist gymnastics, no hand cramping while trying to find the right angle, just comfortable, easy-to-hold design that lets you focus on the fun part.
The combination of Air Pulse technology and vibration is where the magic really happens. I loved that each function has its own controls, so you can mix and match until you find your sweet spot. After a little experimenting, I found a few favourite combinations that had me thinking, “Well… that’s definitely staying in the bedside drawer.”
My partner was a pretty big fan too. There may have been a raised eyebrow followed by a very impressed grin. Safe to say it didn’t spend long sitting in the drawer before making another appearance. Whether I was enjoying some solo self-care or we were playing together, the experience was consistently… let’s just say, deeply satisfying.
The battery life deserves a gold star. After a full charge it just keeps going, meaning there’s no sudden interruption because someone forgot to plug it in after the last adventure.
My only real gripe is the magnetic charging cable. It’s a clever idea, but the connection can slip off quite easily if the toy isn’t sitting on a completely stable surface. More than once I thought it was happily charging, only to discover the magnet had detached itself.
Overall, I’m genuinely impressed. It’s comfortable, powerful, surprisingly versatile and ridiculously good fun. It’s also a lovely reminder that pleasure doesn’t come with an age limit. If anything, your 50s are when you know yourself better, communicate more openly and appreciate products that simply do what they promise.
This little beauty certainly does.
“I was so hopeful, but it didn’t quite tickle my fancy (pun intended) – I need more stimulation!”
Jamie, 31, a first-time mum to an eight-month-old little girl whose sexy time with her husband has been slow to heat up following having their daughter. They’ve never really tried toys together before, but are wanting to experiment to help get the spark back post-bubs.
I was so hopeful for this toy! I have had the Satisfyer Pro 2 in the past and that baby did it for me like no other. So when I saw this much sleeker updated version, I was all a tingle.
My first impressions were positive. The pretty pink, velvet-soft silicone felt so nice in the hand, much nicer to hold than the plastic version. Plus it was oh so quiet! Again, a great upgrade from the older version that sounded like an old motorboat starting up. The shape was interesting, not bad per se but it took a bit of getting used to. Once I figured out the best angle it sat comfortably enough, although it wasn’t quite as intuitive as I expected.
However, performance-wise, it didn’t tickle my fancy (pun intended). The power just wasn’t there for me. If you prefer gentler stimulation this might be right up your alley, but personally I was left wanting a bit more oomph!
I found the one-touch button control frustrating because you have to cycle through all the settings just to find the level you want, rather than a plus or minus option. It seems like such a small thing, but when you’re trying to get into the moment, repeatedly clicking through every setting gets annoying pretty quickly.
Overall, I don’t think it’s a bad toy by any means. The quality is fantastic, it’s whisper quiet, and the silicone finish is a huge improvement over the older model. I really wanted to love it, but this one just wasn’t the right fit for me.
“Once I got my head – and legs – around how to hold it, it was simple and effective – and flatmate-friendly!”
Rowen, 21, studying to become a sex educator and a gender non-conforming, single, mingling, bisexual who loves anything that helps release the daily load!
I’m always filled with glee when I get to open anything from Satisfyer. The boxes are elegant, and the sneak-peek window sets the mood before the toy has even reached my hand.
The Vulva Lover 3 is so cute and inconspicuous, and she comes packing. Once I got my head – and legs – around how to hold it, the controls were simple but effective. I adored the ability to tone down the suction and being able to control the vibration separately. I feel these settings are highly underrated on remoteless/non-app driven toys.
This toy is my go-to when the housemates are home. It is shockingly quiet and rests comfortably avoiding the dreaded hip bone resonance. I was able to use this while my housemates were roaming our hall – the wall of which my bed is rested against – and they were none the wiser. The range of intensities is immaculate. I’m usually a top-setting conformist – give me everything you’ve got! My first use of this toy changed that for me. I was able to relax into the lowest suction setting and ride into gentle bliss in record time.
We love our water-proof queens. The pressure waves are perfect for making waves in the bath – the perfect night in with a candle-lit bath, your drink of choice, some good tunes. Nothing is going to make that experience more relaxing than getting some elegant orgasms. Great for releasing the tension from a long day!
All this in mind, this is going to be my number-one recommendation for a first toy. Simple design, all of your favourite features, and best yet, 2-for-1, all round a great deal. It is perfect for those who are more sensitive to external stimulation.
“I had high hopes this would help my sexual reawakening… I wasn’t wrong, it had me writhing!”
Dominique, 43, at the age where her hormones are against her in the bedroom, even with her super-hot (and often horny!) husband. She’s wanting to see how toys help find her vibe again, both solo and with her partner.
I’ve dabbled in toys in the past, mainly in my younger years – pre-kids and when the risk of being walked in on was reduced! With my family now older and a little more self-sufficient, I have been wanting to find more ‘me time’ in the day, and have been desperately wanting to reconnect with the woman I was pre-kids and all the experiences that come with that.
The more recent version of the Satisfyer range had sparked my interest and I was excited to find out that their newest model – the Vulva Lover 3 – was going to be up for trial as part of this panel.
Having read reviews of older models in previous ‘I’ll Have What She’s Having’ reviews I had high hopes that this may help me on my way to a sexual reawakening, and I was not wrong.
The combination of the targeted vibrations alongside gentle sucking movements meant it hit all the spots at once and within a couple of minutes had me writhing at my peak without so much as trying any of the other settings.
A second go allowed me to explore the variety of intensities and vibration patterns that extended the fun to be had, but in all cases resulted in a wonderfully gentle yet powerful climax.
A real winner for some one-on-one fun, and I’ve used it plenty since – particularly when the mood arises to quickly knock one out as a pick-me-up! The only downside for me is the charging cable – in a household like mine there is no private space to charge your toys without questions from the kids – I’d much prefer a discreet battery powered version. Otherwise, a fantastic option that is sure to please.
Check out the Satisfyer Vulva Lover 3 here! And of course, we have a code for you to get amongst – use PLEASURE20 for 20% off (valid until August 23 2026)