Wednesday, February 1, 2023

I’ll Have What She’s Having: Our New Panel Reviews the Satisfyer Sexy Secret Panty Vibrator – How Does the App-Controlled Vibe Perform?

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The books we're reading, the vibrators we're using, the rants we're having and more in our weekly EDM.

IT’S BACK! By POPULAR demand, welcome back to I’ll Have What She’s Having, our monthly panel of real, honest sex toy reviews, in conjunction with our friends at Adulttoymegastore where we find the best sex toys in NZ. We have a brand new group of diverse, fun and fabulous panellists who are ready and willing to try out some new products This month we’re reviewing the Satisfyer Sexy Secret, a panty vibrator that can be used anywhere for a little heightened fun. If you missed our former editions, click here for our previous reviews! and don’t forget to use CAPSULE10 for a 10% discount at Adulttoymegastore!

Satisfyer Sexy Secret

Tiffany, 33 – bisexual woman, currently single and living alone – just her, her plants & trusty Satisfyer Pro 2! Experienced toy user who’s keen to give (almost) anything a go!

“Great little spicy appetiser for a little fun with a ‘friend’… or to spice up the housework.”

Secrets are best shared with a friend, and that’s my take on this Satisfyer Sexy Secret … for solo play it wouldn’t be my first choice (gimme that SP2 intensity any day), but would be great to add a bit of fun with a “friend” (or spice up housework because we love a multitasking moment, and why can’t we bring pleasure to the mundane?!) 

It’s a bluetooth clit stimulator that attaches to your underwear with a magnet and syncs with an app with several programme options, which was fun to play around with. The “music vibes” was DEFINITELY a fave, with vibrations matching the music (heavy metal was a gooood time!) The preset programs didn’t do it for me because mostly I just wanted it on the highest setting, but you can have someone control it remotely via the app, and I feel like that has the most potential for a spicy time. 

I struggled to orgasm from this alone because my SP2 has ruined me for normal vibrators, but it was quite fun to play around with the different settings, and definitely put a fun spin on the housework (not sure I actually finished folding the washing though…) so I’d be more inclined to use this as a fun addition to partnered play or as a spicy appetiser to the main course.

Rachel, 34, a new mum navigating life as a parent with her husband – not the most experienced toy user but is keen to battle past her apprehension to try new things and embrace her sexuality

“This toy had a few too many secrets for me… I think we need to book a babysitter and head out into the real world with this one!”

I consider myself pretty tech savvy. But unfortunately, I found Satisfyer’s Sexy Secret toy had a few too many secrets that I couldn’t figure out. The FAQ tells me that it should work within ten metres of your phone via Bluetooth, but I had to hold my phone right beside me to get it to work via the app, or otherwise it would disconnect. Which isn’t quite as sexy as you want it to be when you’re exploring a new toy! 

You can play with different app settings – ambient sounds was one of my favourites, where the toy syncs to the music/sounds it’s hearing. Make sure your phone can hear the music well for it to work well. We need to book a babysitter, and go out dancing one night with the Sexy Secret – I think I’d feel more comfortable with the noise (it says it’s ‘whisper quiet’, but I wouldn’t say it’s silent). Word to the wise – the round button on top is also a magnet, so you can attach it to your knickers. I think the toy works best when you are moving around, rather than laying flat. So a bit more experimenting for me to come!

Kaos, 28 & non-binary, lives with their long-term partner and cat and is on a sexual journey to pleasure

“This one does come with the fun of IT troubleshooting… but once we were there, the mood was a VIBE”

My partner and I were super excited to try the Satisfyer Sexy Secret. My first impression when I opened it was ‘how the f**k am I supposed to use this?’ This one does come with the fun of IT troubleshooting. The Local Play has an incredibly short range and when we did figure out the remote play option, we then had to spend a while trying to figure out how to set it up (which took a minute).

By the time we got it sorted the mood had died (do your tech set-up in advance!) but once we started playing around, that changed. In order to move around the house while my partner had control I had to make sure my phone was on me at all times (through remote play). Otherwise, the connection would be lost. I also couldn’t really use my phone much as other apps ran slow or not at all. 

BUT as far as the actual use of the toy, it was really fun and got the mood going very well. We also both enjoyed using it during intercourse without the remote features – just the good ol’ button vibe styles. The disconnecting issues got a bit worse after a few hours in but despite the semi-frustrating tech aspects, we both loved the product and are keen to get more of the app-controlled products from Satisfyer.

Louise, 50 – divorced and who has never used toys before, but who IS keen to challenge herself to try new things post-separation

“Best for couples, I reckon… but it definitely got me warmed up, like the toy version of foreplay”

The description ‘Indulge in scintillating stimulation wherever you go’ definitely got me going, but I wish like heck I had a partner to share this toy with – what fun to experiment with!

The app as it has so many options and it’s easy to learn, even for the challenged 50+! I had fantasies abut this toy – sitting in a work meeting and letting my partner operate it from any location teasing me with different levels of vibrations, just like the film The Ugly Truth. Katherine Heigl’s intense orgasm by a panty vibrator is exactly what I wanted, however it’s not quite the same when you are operating it to tease yourself! But it certainly gets you in the mood and I love the silicone feel.

While it is magnetic, it didn’t always stay in place with my type of body. I found the toy comfortable but not for any length of time, although the noise was great – very quiet and good battery life – and I can’t forget the beautiful presentation box, while the instructions in the box were basic if you didn’t use the app. It’s good for general stimulation so only got me warmed up, a bit like foreplay but not orgasmic as I would want but lots of fun, especially for a couple. 

Catherine, 30, a toy virgin and newly-single woman who’s looking to seize every opportunity coming her way (whether it’s boy or toy!) but is keen to take matters into her own hands (literally)

“This is a warm-up, not the main event… I’m glad I have a personal cell phone – not a work one – to download the app to!”

There is a scene in one of the 50 Shades books where Mr Grey sends Anastasia out into the wild with a toy inside her. This is where my mind immediately went when I opened the Satisfyer Sexy Secret.   

Alas, without a Mr Grey to lead me astray, the Satisfyer Sexy Secret has not left the confines of my home. But it is definitely small, subtle and quiet enough to be an option if you were less vanilla than me. 

My second thought upon opening the box was to be glad I had a personal cell phone and did not need to download the app onto a company device. The app is the best feature of the SSS.  

The app lets you pair your Spotify account and “vibe” along to your favourite tunes. Pick the right song and you’ve got a hands-free option that doesn’t require squirming around trying to change the intensity.  If you’re truly committed you can also pre-programme sequences. (I was not that committed.) Or, let someone else control the settings from afar. I liked the idea of this, but there was no one to rope in to assist. 

The virtues of the app aside, I struggled to work out quite how the SSS was supposed to do its job. There was an embarrassing amount of pressing the large button before I dropped it on the floor and realised that was, in fact, the magnet. I even resorted to reading reviews in an attempt to find the optimum placement – sadly without success.  

I’ve still not quite managed to get it to “hit the spot”. After testing the SSS out for a few weeks, I have reached the verdict it is a great lazy option for entertainment, but unlikely to blow your socks off. The warm-up act, rather than the main event. 

Jane, 45, Māori mum-of-four who’s currently in a long-distance relationship and who needs to get *creative* to keep that intimacy alive!

“A great way to spice things up on date night!

This little cutie could be a bit of couple fun. I haven’t had a chance to try it out with my man yet (long-distance relationship) but it’s booked in for next date night.

First step is to download the app and connect via bluetooth. Don’t stress, it’s not hard and the instructions are really easy to follow.

Next step is to get the vibe in the right spot. It has a magnet that pops off so you can slip it in your knickers, then reattach and secure with the magnet on the outside of your underwear. It’s not a super-strong magnet but the body-friendly shape nestles in comfortably and easily, so I wouldn’t be too stressed about it falling out in public (pants, maybe?).

From the app you can turn the vibe on and off, change the rhythm and increase the intensity just by touching the screen. The actual vibration is pretty gentle as far as vibes go, nothing too intense or too noisy so you’re not going to fall off your seat, and so long as you’re not in a dead quiet room, you should be able to fly under the radar. 

I’d say its more a pregame-type toy, but by the time you get home you’d be ready to take things up a notch. I’m loving this as a fun way to spice things up a little on date night.

These sex toy reviews are brought to you by Adulttoymegastore, New Zealand’s number-one sex toy retailer and proudly Kiwi owned and operated.

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