We had the incredible honour of getting to share Kim Crossman’s pregnancy journey here at Capsule through her column, Pretty Pregnant. Well, Kim is no longer Pretty Pregnant – 10 weeks ago she welcomed her precious first baby: a darling little girl. And, just 10 weeks ago, Kim – staying true to her Type A personality – handed in a story just a day after giving birth, sharing all the twists and turns of her birth (that went completely differently to the way she expected) and, sharing a first look at her gorgeous little girl: Coco Joan.
Pretty Pregnant has become Pretty Postpartum and Kim has been generously sharing all the ups and downs and startling discoveries of postpartum with us. If you haven’t read her updates you can read her story about Coco’s birth here to read it now! Her update at two weeks here!, a month in, here and at six weeks, here and eight weeks here.
Now, Kim is sharing the latest piece of her story – she’s had her first longhaul flight with a newborn and she has some updates about what’s going on with her body. Now, somewhere between 30% and a startling 50% of women experience prolapse after giving birth but it is virtually NEVER discussed. Of course, Kim is changing that, right now…
This is the latest I have filed my column (12 hours before it’s due to go live), but for good reason. I am trying this new thing where I do one thing at a time and do it properly.
It’s going horribly, however I do feel better.
Previously I have been breastfeeding and making lists on my phone or in my head of all the things I should be doing or that I am going to do when Coco sleeps… then feel overwhelmed and then guilty that I haven’t been present with her. Then, when she does sleep, I am too tired or too guilty that I then don’t do the list of things. And then she will wake again really quickly and I want her to sleep a bit longer so I can do all the things. Then when she falls asleep I miss her and want her to be awake to try to do more tummy time because another day has gone by and I barely did any. Welcome to my brain. Super fun and super toxic haha.
So, I am trying this new thing where I keep repeating my sister’s quote, “do it once, and do it properly.”
She uses it when she is talking about household chores, as for a while I was the “queen of the pile.” A pile of things at the bottom of the stairs that needs to go upstairs, the queen of the pile of neatly folded laundry that has not been put away, the queen of the stack of the unopened mail. All things for future Kim to deal with.
My sister taught me that I am better to do the job once, do it properly and then it’s complete. A very simple but life changing ethos for me. I decided today that I would try to do that with my parenting and tasks to try to remove some of my overwhelm and mum guilt. I shall keep you posted.
First things first, I would like to address the elephant in the room. My butthole.
It’s the elephant in the room because I now fart loudly often, and with out any warning and you can’t really ignore it. Since my last update I have now been diagnosed with prolapse of the bladder and bowel, but not the uterus so there is a silver lining. It’s only a slight prolapse, level 2, so it would explain the downward pressure I have been feeling, but also means that if I train and do my exercises I should be able to improve things somewhat.
Imagine your butt blinking slowly. Now do that ten times whilst reading this. That is basically what I need to be doing often during the day. As well as picturing a grape going up an elevator, the elevator being my anus, and following its journey. But that one is a little more challenging to describe I guess. Just a few of the things I now am incorporating in my day, but keeping it fun and creative haha. Symptom wise, I am not peeing so much as leaking often and butt wise it’s more the urgency in which I need to go to the bathroom that is problematic and also the inability to pinch or stop poop. Awesome. Kim Crossman: Strong of character, weak of anus. Should be my new bio.
I joke. But I know prolapse is not a joking matter. I have a tendency with all things to revert to humour as a coping mechanism. I’m glad I do. It creates levity, because it is true, if you don’t laugh you will cry and I have cried for sure. So please, if you are struggling because of postpartum or age or any cause for a weak pelvic floor, I hear you and see you and stand with you.
It’s not fun to have to be wary of how long you might be somewhere. To have to pack your own diaper bag or just have a sense of unease when you are not in your own safety net of your own home with your own toilet. It’s a whole new tab you need to have open and not a fun one. I hope me sharing a bit of my journey sheds a bit of light on it. I didn’t previously even make fart jokes so I have come a long way and I can say I am proud to be sharing my butthole journey with you all.
Now to my tits. Haha. I felt that was the best way to transition. I love them. I never got boobs during any stage of my womanly journey. So when I got measured for a bra – something I also haven’t really had to own – to find out I was measuring a 32C or D I cried. Although I don’t care or need boobs, there was a time in life where I thought they were what defined femininity and were what boys liked, that I was super insecure of my flat, same front as back, chest. Later in my journey I have loved that I didn’t have boobs and didn’t have to wear bras, but when I got measured there was still some part of me that felt joyful to get what felt like an award of a D cup. So Tom bought me a cute bra to dress these trophies up. Bless.
Enough about me, let’s talk about my delightful daughter. Ten weeks. Double digits. She is perfect. I was telling Tom that one of my favourite things about Coco is how she makes people feel. I understand many people – and for good reason – don’t allow many people to hold their babies. For us, we have a big village across two countries and Coco has a big family so this has meant she gets lots of cuddles.
There is a moment when someone holds her I see their shoulders relax and almost like clockwork a smile washes over their face. It’s really like magic. I don’t imagine Coco is unique in having this effect on people but it is something I wasn’t expecting as a mother. I thought I would be more panicked with someone holding my child. Instead I see her as a little gift, giving the person holding her a little dose of joy, love and hope. Perhaps it’s the hope feeling that isn’t as common to see in people that I am recognising. Or maybe I’m sleep deprived and imagining things that don’t exist. Either way haha that’s my version of reality and it feels good so I will go with that. Hope.
I am also writing this blog from my apartment in Santa Monica. We took Coco on her first flight and if this is not an anecdote on why you should always believe the universe is working for you rather than against you then I don’t know what is.
Among the many things in parenthood that I have catastrophized in my head before it has even happened, traveling on a long haul flight with a newborn has been one of them. We have some visa stuff to do here for Tom and Coco. We were due to depart for LA at 8pm. At 1pm we got a notification our flight was cancelled.
We had a few options – to board the early flight (but we couldn’t sit together) or wait till the morning for a 7am flight on a different plane.
I was hesitant to do the day flight as I imagined that would be horrible, but we decided that would be better than being sandwiched in middle seats with a baby and not together.
When we arrived at the airport and boarded the plane we were pleasantly surprised to learn that we were pretty much the only passengers on the plane. That plane needed to get to LA to bring passengers back and because most people had been reallocated to other flights so as to not miss connections, I am not lying to you the plane was basically empty. So, Coco’s first flight was easy, calm, spacious and fun. Words I never considered would be used when speaking about flying with a baby. What a gift.
Since being in LA I have learnt a few things. I miss my mum. I miss her knowing when I breastfeed I get crazy thirsty and will never remember to bring a water bottle to where I am feeding, or that I need to be told that I am doing a great job a few times a day. I also have learnt that I can cope. I honestly was worried I wouldn’t. We have had family with us the entire time Coco has been outside of me. Conceptionally I thought I would be able to do it but I wasn’t 100 percent sure. And that I miss New Zealand and that’s ok and also a good feeling to have.
I love LA. I adore LA. I think LA gets a bad reputation. People think it is superficial, up itself and full of plastic surgery. I tend to always counter that with the comment that all cities have people like that, LA just has a camera on it. I actually think LA, Santa Monica specifically, has the perfect balance of gross and stunning that gives it both edge and beauty and you can almost smell the creativity in the air. I am excited to be here for a little bit. We head back to NZ in March I believe. And excited to see how motherhood fits on me in this environment.
For so long I avoided the concept of motherhood because of what I do. I worried that becoming a mother would mean a death sentence to the momentum I was building here following my dreams.
I feel exceptionally lucky to be on this journey in 2026 where being a mum does not mean you are overlooked for work or your capability is questioned, or questioned as much perhaps. I actually booked more work as a pregnant actress than I had the year preceding it. I share this to shed a light also on the fact that for some, when they become a mum that is what they want their focus to be. I feel that. I really feel that now I am in it. But I also love what I do and I want to keep pursuing what I love with all my heart.
So many people have assumed because I have Coco that I would be planting roots, staying in one place and setting up. Whilst that sounds lovely, that doesn’t feel quite right for me. My dreams – and my joy – is acting and performing. It’s also my addiction and where my talents lie. I want to follow my dreams with Coco by my side and see how that adventure feels. It’s unconventional. It might be hard. But I also know that if I don’t keep that little fire in me alive I will have resentments. Who knows, this too might change. But I am excited to audition, to work on set and to play pretend.
I have read a lot about so many women feeling like they lost themselves in motherhood. I can see and feel how that can happen so easily so I am trying to front foot it by seeing this version of me as a 2.0 model. It’s different, has had some upgrades and is different from the previous model and should be treated as such. Different, not worse, just different.
Another thing I have asked Tom and my family to do is to not ask me about sleep. During COVID I actually developed a bit of insomnia after investing in a smart watch that tracked my sleep. I became sort of obsessed with the sleep I wasn’t getting, resulting in, you guessed it, less sleep.
It got so bad I had to seek some help and the advice was that I had to tell my family they were not to ask me about my sleep and I wasn’t allowed to talk about it with them. Almost taking the story and the power out of the equation. Whilst this is different, I have a newborn, I still feel like it’s the go-to comment with most people, or perhaps it’s just an easy conversation point like talking about the weather. But rumination on the lack of sleep I am having, or the hours I was awake, or Coco is awake, doesn’t help me feel good.
I have also stopped checking the time during the night. It creates a narrative that is almost always negative, where in this case ignorance is bliss. I recommend it. I am most likely going to be sleepy and tired and some nights more so than others, but if I don’t have stats I don’t have to focus on it in a negative way. I told Tom, if a night is particularly bad I will let him know, otherwise let’s just move on and look to the day ahead. Also I can honestly say I don’t know if I have ever woken up from any amount of sleep and felt, ahh I have had enough sleep and I am well rested.
One thing I did do in preparation for being away from home and essentially just Tom and I and Coco, is I met up with Victoria from Early Parenting. Because we can talk about Coco’ sleep. I met with Victoria before Coco was born to help with some direction around being in a few different environments, and this time to talk more about the witching hour and settling Coco. It turns out, whilst I felt like I had tried everything when she was upset, I perhaps wasn’t trying the specific thing for long enough. I would try her over my shoulder for a few seconds. If that didn’t work almost immediately I would move her and try something else. Apparently a rookie, but also very common thing with new mums. Victoria reminded me about the 5 S’s:
Swaddle. Wrap to feel snug.
Side or stomach. Hold in your arms on their side or stomach.
Shushing. Loud shushing or use white noise.
Swinging. Use gentle movement and patting.
Sucking. If fed, offer a dummy or clean finger.
My new go-to checklist when nighttime hits.
I feel good. I mean I feel every emotion in quick succession every day but right now I feel good. I feel like I am finally being able to slightly anticipate my baby. I didn’t shit myself today and I remembered to do one thing at a time and do it properly. And from what I have learnt about parenting and babies, because I feel like I am getting a handle on it, it will now inevitably completely change and pivot haha. I guess it is supposed to. That’s why it’s so fun, complex and called a ride.
x
