Whanganui born and raised Richard Burlace now lives in Sweden where he’s raising two children and has experienced being a ‘Latte Dad’. It’s what fathers on parental leave are often referred to and you’ll see them everywhere in Sweden, because of their leave system that is one of the most comprehensive and flexible in the world. Parents can take around 16 months, split between the two of them – but three months are reserved for each parent. It’s a use it or lose it system – and means dads on parental leave are a very, very common and normalised thing. Here, Richard explains what it has been like and the impacts it has had on his family.
I remember the first time I asked to take parental leave – We had been in Sweden for about two years, we had just had our son and I was working for a consulting company on a busy project. I remember thinking before asking, there is no way they will agree to this! My my manager who was in his fifties said yes without batting an eyelid. In hindsight it was nothing strange, it was just expected and would have been seen as more strange if I did not take it.
Sweden offers some of the most comprehensive and flexible parental leave in the world. There are approximately 16 months that can be split between the parents with about three months that are reserved for only one parent or the other, it’s a use it or lose it system that encourages most families to use the allowance even if just for a few months. The days can be used until children are 12 so many people save a few days to extend holidays through the years.
It’s an opportunity that I am forever grateful for. What an amazing start to life as a family. It’s let me build bonds with my children that have created a really strong foundation for our relationship. These bonds have extended long into teenage years when parents are far less interesting..
We were lucky enough to have the chance to cross over for about two months each time and both be off together, this made the handover of my son easier, something which I was really grateful for the first time around.
Still the first week or two was pretty tough, all of a sudden being in charge of an easily grumpy 11-month-old and at the end of each of the first solo days I was pretty relieved to hand my son back to my wife when she got home. However this period passed pretty quick and we soon developed our own routine.
The experience gave me so many beautiful moments with both my son and my daughter, two years later. From countless hours in public playgrounds, baby swim, playing together and just spending time. There were no doubt plenty of painful moments too at the time, where I was happy to hand the kids over to my wife at the end of the day but those memories fade quickly while the happy ones stay.
It is often said children are ‘mammig’ (mum-ish) and want their mums more when they are little, but once you do the switch they usually become ‘pappig’ (dad-ish) and want their dads more which is a funny role reversal, and was probably not so easy for my wife.
Many visitors to Sweden also reflect on that there are many dads out with young children during the day, particularly in the big cities they are sometimes called latte pappas (latte dads). There are of course many different variants including really sporty ones who can often be found running in cycle lanes with very advanced aerodynamic running buggies.
An indirect benefit is that it naturally gave me a lot more understanding for parents and the flexibility required for managing family life in a work situation. This understanding is built into working life in Sweden and bringing this mindset was very appreciated when I was recently leading a large team in New Zealand.
Another side effect is that the experience gives a chance to walk in the other person’s shoes and really appreciate how much work it is to raise children. I’m sure that it helps in contributing to the high levels of equality in Swedish society. It’s easier to appreciate each other’s efforts once you have truly swapped roles.
While no country is perfect, the chance to spend this time with my children was an amazing experience and an opportunity I am incredibly grateful to have had. And while I’m well aware of the differences in the taxation and parental leave systems between New Zealand and Sweden, all change starts small. So, New Zealand dads: if you get the chance, take it, even if it’s just for two weeks. It’s an investment in your family that you will never regret. Maybe even grab a flat white while you’re at it.
