When it comes to workplace bullying, is the person, or the organisation, the problem? Can someone be a workplace bully without realising it? And what can we do if we’re too cash-strapped to quit our jobs?
Amanda*, a 26-year-old public servant, feels her manager is treating her poorly, to the point she’s wondering if it qualifies as workplace bullying.
Workplace bullying isn’t just someone being mean to you here and there. Worksafe NZ calls it “repeated and unreasonable behaviour directed towards a worker or group of workers. It can lead to physical or psychological harm.”
‘New Zealand’s levels of workplace bullying are among the highest in the developed world.’
So what’s happening to Amanda? “Well, my boss tells me I’m lucky to have this job and that I need to step up, but she says it in a way that’s rude not constructive. She gives me too much work, even though I tell her I’m drowning under it all. If I’m five minutes late, she snaps at me, but she never comments on how I often stay late to get more work done. At meetings, she undermines my work in front of others for no particular reason.” Amanda is suffering from some anxiety as a result.
“The thing is, I don’t think she’s a bad person at heart. She was nice to me when I started working here. She’s a single mum and the sole provider, with a big workload, so I cut her some flak for that. Whoops, I mean slack, not flak!”
But should her boss face some flak? Would Amanda bring it up with her, or complain to someone higher up? “No, I’d be too scared of blowback. And it’s lots of tiny things that add up, rather than one big thing she did wrong. But I can’t just up and quit what with the cost of living right now. At least not until I can find another job and there seems to be bugger all out there.”
So she can’t quit a job where she’s being bullied because of the cost of living and tight job market? “Yes.”
The Cost of Workplace Bullying
Workplace bullying can cost a person money (if they quit or have to take a lower-paying job), and can also have other financial costs. In Counting the Cost, a report developed in collaboration with Te Kāhui Tika Tangata – Human Rights Commission, KPMG estimated that the economic cost of workplace bullying and harassment on New Zealand employers is at least $1.34 billion annually. That’s the cost of absenteeism, presenteeism (turning up but not getting much done), turnover and replacement, and internal procedures (such as investigations).
New Zealand’s levels of workplace bullying are among the highest in the developed world. Another Human Rights Commission report shows that two in five workers believe they have experienced workplace bullying.
How Can Workplace Bullying Be Addressed?
Umbrella Wellbeing partners with organisations – including private companies and government departments – to design plans to enhance mental health and wellbeing at work. Umbrella’s CEO and Principal Psychologist Dr Dougal Sutherland, who goes into organisations as a facilitator, deals quite often with the issue of workplace bullying.
“This happens on two levels. One is seeing individuals who have been experiencing bullying. The other is talking to organisations around how to address bullying. No organisation likes to think they have workplace bullies, but the fact is that, if you employ people, it’s likely some bullying will happen.”
“Also, this might surprise people, but most bullying in the workplace is actually not down to one individual. Organisations spend time trying to root out a particular person, then go, ‘oh, we’ve got rid of Person X, therefore the bullying will end’. Or they think they’ve got a bad track record of hiring bullies, when really it’s about the organisation.”
“Also, research tells us that workplace bullying [generally] happens inadvertently by people who are under stress and pressure speaking rudely or impulsively out of high emotions. Given the majority of workplace bullying happens inadvertently, more of this behaviour may be happening because of the current economic situation.”
“At government departments, for example, if they’re cutting costs and people are under lots of pressure, there may be a spike in bullying. Much of it comes from being flippant, grumpy, and irritable. When we get really stressed, we often lose our patience, and we’re short with people.” Not everyone realises they’re bullying someone. “People can be so focused on their own stress that they don’t necessarily realise their impact on others.”
Dougal occasionally comes across people who have narcissistic traits such as entitlement, self-importance and arrogance (although having some of these traits doesn’t mean you have narcissistic personality disorder). “This can shows up as people who are always ‘impressing upwards’ – as in, thinking ‘how can I impress the boss next?’. They get their identity from being recognised by people they perceive as important – and can disregard people they perceive as not as important.”
“I’m sure many of us have worked with people who have traits of self-interest and self-importance. Sometimes those traits are adaptive. In competitive settings like commercial sales, they could be quite useful. There must be arguments that many very successful CEOs got where they are because of those traits.”
How Do We Deal With Workplace Bullies?
Dougal has some suggestions for dealing with somebody who is engaging in bullying behaviour. “Don’t try to change them. Firstly, maintain your sense of identity and self-worth, so you’re not looking to them for validation – though that can be easier said than done if the relationship is with your boss.”
“Also, think about how you interact with the person. There’s the grey rock theory. Try to appear a bit like a grey rock: not particularly interesting, not particularly worthy of attention, but not a stone in their shoe either. Basically, controlling your responses around them so you don’t stick out.”
Document any bullying, he says. “This is particularly important if there’s gaslighting that leads to you questioning your sense of reality. The antidote is to have as much objective evidence, for want of a better word, as possible.”
Dougal worked with someone whose boss was gaslighting them. “They had to submit particular papers in a paper form, not electronically, then their boss would say, ‘those papers aren’t here’.” In that scenario, you could take a photo, or get someone to witness you handing the papers in.
Then, if you choose, you can show someone that evidence: an HR person (if there is one) or someone higher up. “A complicating factor is that the person doing the bullying might spend lots of time ‘impression managing’ upwards, so their manager or boss may see them very positively. You don’t have to be a whistle-blower exactly, but you could say ‘I’m not sure what’s going on with this person’. That’s where ‘evidence’ becomes handy, because you might say ‘this date-stamped photo shows I did submit those papers’.”
Dougal thinks quitting should be a last resort. “You’d really hope it didn’t get to that point – particularly at the moment, when jobs perhaps aren’t as easy to come by. I’d hope an organisation would support people through these situations.”
He says prevention is also important. “Organisations need to make sure they’ve got the right people as leaders and managers – and to make sure they’ve got the skills to support them and ways to get feedback on them. There’s an organisational responsibility to get 360° feedback around a person. If you’re a manager, you may only see how a person presents to you – but is that really how things are?”
“Also, too often we see people who are really good at their job get to the top of their band, then get told they should go into management as a next step. It’s like, what? What about their job has equipped them for management? Some people just are thrown in. That’s probably not great for an organisation.”
It can be tempting to label someone as a bully or a narcissist. “But try to look behind the behaviour – as in, why might they be doing this? Perhaps it’s to prove to others how great they are?” Or perhaps they’re under major financial stress or coping with a huge workload.
“Having an understanding of why somebody engages in a behaviour can give you a level of empathy. Understanding it doesn’t mean the behaviour is okay or that you have to put up with it. But it puts you in a better position to objectively see what’s going on.”
Where To Go If You Need Help With Workplace Bullying
As mentioned, gathering evidence and alerting someone within your organisation is a good first step. If taking a first step is difficult, the Employee Assistance Programme – offered by many employers – provides free, independent counselling and other advice.
Worksafe NZ provides six scenarios of workplace bullying, and what steps you can take. Under the Health and Safety at Work Act, employers are responsible for identifying and managing workplace hazards, which include psychological hazards like bullying and harassment. It’s not something you should have to deal with alone.
