Thinking about therapy? The first steps can admittedly be quite scary! So, for Mental Health Awareness Week, Capsule’s Vivien Beduya recalls how she felt when she first thought of going to therapy. Plus, clinical psychologist Dr Missy Wolfman explains EXACTLY what happens in therapy, busts common myths and shares who can benefit from it.
I still remember how I spiralled when I was thinking about therapy during the pandemic: Man, if I go to therapy, does this mean I’m crazy? Weak? Is there something severely wrong with me? What will people think?
But I felt really stumped emotionally. It was almost like hitting a wall with no door in sight. I had exhausted all of my existing strategies to cope with my mental health.
Somehow, I got over my fear of seeming “crazy”. Probably because the counselling sessions were free from work through Employee Assistance Programmes (EAP), so I really didn’t have anything to lose.
After my first session, I quickly realised that I wasn’t crazy at all. If anything, I felt more secure, because it gave me a better understanding of myself and I learnt new ways of taking care of my mental wellbeing.
Looking back, I’ve come a long way since I went to my first therapy session. And if you think that you, or a loved one, could benefit from therapy, but are just a little hesitant, here’s some advice from a senior clinical psychologist.
Empowerment Psychology director, Dr Missy Wolfman, says taking the first step can feel daunting – even for psychologists seeking their own therapist!
“The first step is simply acknowledging you’d like support. Friends and family are important, but sometimes a trained professional can provide tools and perspectives that make a life-changing difference.”
There are a lot of misconceptions about therapy, says Missy, so she’s breaking down some therapy myths, what actually happens in therapy and who can benefit from it.
What are some myths about therapy?
Myth 1: You just lie on a couch while the therapist nods and asks, ‘How do you feel?’
Modern therapy is active and collaborative. It’s about learning skills, problem-solving, and creating change, not just nodding and listening.
Myth 2: Therapy is only for people who are ‘crazy’ or severely unwell.
Therapy is for anyone facing challenges, from everyday stress to major mental health concerns.
Myth 3: Seeking therapy is a sign of weakness.
Reaching out takes courage; choosing therapy is a sign of strength and commitment to your wellbeing.
Myth 4: Therapy is no different from talking to friends or family.
Friends and family are vital supports, but therapists bring neutrality and proven strategies. Therapy gives you tools that go beyond support.
Myth 5: Therapy takes years.
Many people benefit from short-term therapy, sometimes just three to six sessions.
Myth 6: Therapy will make you forget your problems.
Good therapy doesn’t erase the past, but it helps you process and move forward.
Myth 7: People should just “get over” their issues.
As Oprah and psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry wrote: it’s not about “what’s wrong with you,” but “what happened to you.” Struggles are rarely about willpower. They often come from trauma, adversities. Therapy helps people heal and build resilience rather than just “getting over it”.
What do you want to ‘demystify’ about therapy for people who are curious but unsure?
Therapy isn’t just for people in crisis, suicidal or at “breaking point,” and it certainly isn’t only for people who are “crazy.” Therapy can be helpful for anyone navigating life challenges, changes, or transitions, as well as for those experiencing more significant concerns such as anxiety, depression or trauma. The aim is always to empower you with insights, tools and strategies to help you thrive.
Who can benefit from therapy?
Anyone who feels stuck, overwhelmed, or “not themselves” can benefit. This might include low mood, loss of motivation, heightened anxiety, or difficulty managing life changes. Therapy also supports people with more severe concerns like suicidal thoughts, PTSD symptoms, or long-term struggles.
I often say we care for our cars and teeth better than our mental health. Cars get a WOF check every year, and we see the dentist regularly, even when nothing seems wrong. Therapy can work in the same way: you don’t need to wait until things fall apart.
What can people expect in a therapy session?
There’s no one-size-fits-all. It depends on your goals, your therapist’s approach, and what’s happening in your life. In a first session, your therapist will usually spend time getting to know you, your history, and why you’re seeking help now. Psychologists and psychiatrists may also do a formal assessment to check for symptoms of anxiety, depression or other conditions.
In later sessions, your therapist will often check in on your progress, introduce new skills, and suggest strategies to practise between appointments – much like how a physiotherapist gives you exercises to do at home. In some approaches, such as EMDR, later sessions may involve using eye movements to help desensitise and reprocess traumatic memories, so they feel less distressing and no longer have such a significant impact on your daily life.
How important is it to find the “right therapist”?
Therapy also works best when there’s a good fit between you and your therapist – whether they’re a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor or another trained professional. The key is finding the right therapist and being clear about your goals. Research shows the relationship with your therapist is as important as the treatment approach. Don’t hesitate to ask for a phone or video chat before committing, so you can get a sense of fit between yourself and your therapist.
In New Zealand, anyone can call themselves a “therapist,” so it’s important to check that the person you’re seeing is properly qualified and registered. Psychologists must be registered with the New Zealand Psychologists Board as health professionals. Psychiatrists are medical doctors with specialist training, and counsellors registered with the New Zealand Association of Counsellors have met professional standards. Choosing a registered professional ensures you are working with someone who is properly trained, accountable to a code of ethics, and legally bound to provide safe and effective care.
Some signs to watch out for – ourselves and loved ones – to try therapy?
Changes in behaviour: becoming more withdrawn, avoiding people, or the opposite – acting recklessly or out of character. Persistent low mood, anxiety, or loss of interest in usual activities.
Talking about suicide or self-harm or showing signs of harming themselves or others. Any behaviour that makes you think “this isn’t like them.” If you notice these signs, it’s important to reach out. Trust your instincts. Small changes can be early signals that someone is struggling.
Therapy works best when you’re empowered to make changes you need in your life. I often use the analogy of physiotherapy: A physio doesn’t just massage you, they teach you exercises and give you strategies to help you heal and prevent future injuries. Therapy is similar: You learn about yourself, your thinking patterns, and your behaviours, and you actively practise new ways of coping.
Where to get support:
In New Zealand, directories like TalkingWorks, Psychology Today and Clearhead are good places to start.
If cost is a barrier, you may qualify for funding through:
- Public mental health services (via GP referral)
- Employee Assistance Programmes (EAP) via your workplace
- GP referrals for PHO-funded sessions
- WINZ disability counselling
- ACC sensitive claims (for survivors of sexual harm)
A great resource is: https://mentalhealth.org.nz/help/accessing-mental-health-services
