As a follow-up to our story about women thriving in midlife, we talk to U.S psychologist Margie E. Lachman, one of the world’s leading experts on midlife. She discusses the myth of the midlife crisis, whether midlife is marked by ages or stages, how to get the most out of midlife, and much more.
We’ve all heard the term ‘midlife crisis’, especially when it comes to the notion of men trading in their wives or cars for a younger model – and the notion of women unhappy about their changing appearance and besieged by the hot flushes of menopause. It’s the subject of myriad jokes.
But are these just gender stereotypes?
Kindly answering my questions from Boston, Margie E. Lachman – Professor of Psychology at Brandeis University, and director of its Lifespan Developmental Psychology Lab – says that the ‘midlife crisis’ is a misrepresentation of middle age.
Why, I ask? “The notion of a midlife crisis sells. Hollywood and publishers love this topic. It’s a popular notion that many assume is an accurate representation of what happens in midlife.” But it isn’t accurate, because the vast majority of people experience no ‘crisis’.
Another misconception is that of midlife ‘distress’, Margie says. “Many of the views of distress typically associated with midlife experiences – such as the empty nest syndrome and the menopausal transition – have been shown through research to be misrepresentations.”
Whereas there’s actually a wide variation in how people navigate these transitions. “For some, they’re difficult and stressful, and for others they’re a welcome change,” Margie says. “For most, there are likely both welcome and unwelcome aspects.” A welcome aspect? “Being able to pursue goals that had been on hold when parenting was a main focus.” An unwelcome aspect? “Physical changes associated with hormonal fluctuations.”
Mind The Gap
In a research paper, Margie wrote that “middle age is neither clearly defined nor well understood. The dictionary describes it as the period between youth and old age, a vague, undifferentiated status”.
Indeed, when Margie began her research on lifespan development – with a focus on midlife – midlife had been largely overlooked. “For many years developmental researchers focused on early adulthood and old age. The expectation was that not much happened in middle age. It was also hard to get middle-aged adults to participate in research since they’re so busy.”
“My colleagues and I recognised the big gap in the middle of the life course that hadn’t been directly studied and we decided to see if indeed it was a static period. We realised that midlife is an important period in its own right, [partly] because those younger and older depend on them for support and advice. And health in midlife is a good predictor for health in later life, so focusing on health in midlife can help with prevention or slowing of aging-related changes.”
Is Age Really Just A Number?
So how would she define midlife according to age?
“If we use chronological age for the definition, I usually say 40 to 60, plus or minus 10, which means 30 to 70. That’s because there are some people in their 30s and 70s who consider themselves middle-aged. The most typical age range [for midlife], though, is 40 to 60 or 65.”
Those of us under 45 (I’m 44) can argue we’re not yet middle-aged, according to one definition of ‘established adulthood’ as being between ages 30 to 45. A paper by Professor Jeffrey Jensen Arnett and colleagues outlines ‘established adulthood’ as a period distinct from ‘emerging adulthood’ and ‘midlife’. (Arnett’s main area of scholarship is ‘emerging adulthood’: the period from ages 18 to 29.)
“But I prefer the use of terms such as early adulthood and middle adulthood,” Margie says. That’s because people ‘emerge’ to what Arnett calls ‘established adulthood’ at different ages.
Late Entry
“Given,” Margie says, “that people are living longer and delaying traditional adult milestones such as marriage and having children, it is possible that the entry to midlife is [now] later than it was in earlier times.” However, she says “some people today will also think of themselves as middle-aged in their mid-30s if they began having a family early and also may have parents who need caregiving”.
Margie points me to a Wall Street Journal article called ‘When Middle Age Arrives in Your 20s’. It states that “stress is making young people feel older, with mounting concerns about job security, debt, child-care costs and caregiving”. I mean, I get that, but feeling middle-aged in your 20s?
However, chronological age arguably isn’t the best measure of midlife. Rather, Margie says that a better measure involves life transitions and social roles – particularly when you’re the ‘middle generation’ at home and at work. “If those who are younger and older are depending on you for support, advice, care, mentoring, etc, this is the hallmark of middle age.”
The ‘empty nest’ and retirement stages usually happen later on, but the “menopausal transition” is a major change for women in midlife. “Many women aren’t aware that symptoms of perimenopause can last five to 10 years before menopause. There’s much more attention on this issue now than there was in the past, with a number of published books on the topic. It’s good to know what to expect and to talk with your doctor about possible treatments for symptoms. If your doctor isn’t well-versed in the issues, it makes sense to search for someone who has been trained in the hormonal changes and safe treatments.”
Future Making
A Psychology Today article says there’s a scenario where “downsizing, winding down are the usual goals [in midlife] and that there isn’t a lot of future making in this scenario”.
Does Margie think that, in society, we can alter our perception of midlife to see it as a transition with possibilities for growth, fulfilment etc?
“Yes I do! Midlife is a time when one can draw on one’s accumulated experience and wisdom to consider ways to improve and enhance one’s future.”
“It’s a good time to see what’s been going well and what you might want to change while there’s still plenty of time left. Gains in self-confidence may accompany midlife, as one has experience dealing with different successes and failures.”
“One can realize there’s likely a lot of time left to develop new goals and aspirations. One can reinvent oneself or continue along the same lines. Mindsets are important. Do you see the future as a time for continued growth or are you focusing on the aging-related declines?”
Protective Factors
Much of Margie’s research is aimed at identifying psychosocial and behavioural factors that can protect against, minimise, or compensate for declines in cognition and health that can happen later in life.
Margie’s research shows that our beliefs about control can have a large impact on our health and even our longevity. “A sense of control peaks in midlife and remains relatively stable throughout,” Margie says. Yes, we need to be accepting and flexible when there are things we can’t control. “Yet those who have a stronger belief that they can bring about desired outcomes maintain a sense of control over their goals, [and] show greater cognitive, physical, and psychological health.” Both cognitive health (e.g., memory) and physical health (e.g., cardiovascular functioning and mobility) can be enhanced by exercise.
Also director of the Boston Roybal Centre for Active Lifestyle Interventions, Margie says exercise “is a panacea of sorts. It’s effective for maintaining good functioning in most areas of health”. In addition, “cognitive or mental exercise – engaging in stimulating activities – is good for your brain. Social support and engagement in social relationships and activities is another important factor for health.”
Moving Out Of Midlife
So when do we enter old age?
“That’s an interesting question,” Margie says, “because most people don’t want to think of themselves as old. That may explain why some [people] in their late 60s to mid-70s say they’re middle-aged rather than old.”
“This is also consistent with the finding that most people in later life say they feel about 20% younger than their actual age. So, someone who is 70 may feel like a 56-year-old. Also, it seems that the older one is, the later one thinks that middle age starts and ends.”
“Those in their 30s may say midlife begins in the 40s, and those in their early 40s may say 45 is when it begins.”
That tracks: I’m 44, and consider midlife to start at 45. But when I’m 45 I may well decide that it starts at 50! But perhaps I should I get over my resistance.
“I see it [midlife] as an ideal period of life,” Margie says. “There are so many opportunities to grow [personally] and to help those who are younger, in the family and at work, to learn and develop. These roles provide middle-aged adults with a sense of purpose, and value to others.”
And a valuing of themselves.
