This Perinatal Mental Health Awareness Week, Joy Reid shares with us her experiences, which became the inspiration for starting her own charity to help other new mums – and dads
Joy Reid is a familiar face to many of us, thanks to her years as a reporter for One News based in Christchurch, but also years overseas as TVNZ’s Europe Correspondent. In more recent years, she has been having a massive impact on new families as the co-founder and Chief Executive of One Mother to Another, a charity supporting parents and caregivers of sick children in hospitals.
Joy’s drive to make those early, sometimes terror-filled, days of motherhood just that little bit easier by providing comfort, compassion and connection, was based off her own experiences as a new mum.
Things didn’t go quite the way Joy planned for the arrivals of any of her three children. She got help for antenatal depression during her second pregnancy, but could see that she suffered from undiagnosed postpartum depression with her first.
It’s Perinatal Mental Health Awareness Week so we’re putting a spotlight on this topic – which desperately needs more attention. Around 12 – 18% of Kiwi women will experience perinatal mental health issues – and 10% of Kiwi fathers are also affected. If you missed our first story, you can find it here.
This is Joy’s story of her journey and experiences becoming a mother – and finding her feet, becoming a mum who helps other mums and dads in need.
‘THIS Was Not the Introduction to Motherhood I Expected…’
My son Jonathan arrived full term at a bonnie 4.3 kilo in 2013…but it didn’t go as planned. After a long labour, he was born unresponsive and needed urgent medical intervention.
He didn’t breathe for three minutes and then went straight into the neonatal intensive care unit. I met him for the first time through an arm hole in incubator at a few hours old.. That feeling of being alone in a hospital room without your baby is one of the most unnatural feelings.
My mental health was declining by the minute… I was already utterly exhausted from a long labour and the worry for my child was intense.I was utterly exhausted but couldn’t sleep or eat due to overwhelming worry and fear.
I felt like a Mama bear who’d had her bear cub taken off her.
This was not the introduction to motherhood I expected.
Even after we took Jono home, he was an unsettled baby. My feeding never established properly and it was a very difficult few months. I never acknowledged the trauma and instead focused on trying to be grateful for having a child who was alive and being able to be home.
I ignored the anxiety and was in denial. But that experience and introduction into motherhood scarred me… deeply… and looking back now, I know I had undiagnosed postnatal depression.
Fast forward two years and I got pregnant with my second child… and that’s when the trauma unearthed. I freaked out. I couldn’t stop crying for days… How would this child come out… would I hold my baby? And I started a very real (but this time treated) experience with antenatal depression… then postnatal depression.
Even though I knew I should be happy about being pregnant with our second child, I was terrified. I’d cry a lot when thinking about birth plans but I was also grieving in private as outwardly I was trying to be strong and positive.
I started getting some counselling and learned about antenatal depression at around 20 weeks and started that treatment journey. To compound matters, my best friend was dying of cancer during this time. She died two months before my daughter was born. At the funeral, I started having early contractions (due to stress). My midwife put me on bedrest for several days and the contractions eased.
Stella’s birth in 2016 was by caesarean and I was able to hold her when she was born and that was a really healing and beautiful experience.
I naively thought all would be well after the birth. But my husband got sick with chronic fatigue syndrome and was bedridden in those early months and unable to partake in family life.
I was basically solo parenting a toddler and newborn and my mental health was struggling. Stella was also an unsettled baby and the juggle was real. The counselling wasn’t enough on its own and I couldn’t get on top of my anxiety and at times low mood. I saw my doctor at about two-three months postpartum and got some medication to help with my postnatal depression. This really helped and was a key part of my recovery.
I remember within a few days of taking the medication that I suddenly noticed that the birds were chirping again and that the world had brighter colours in it. I suddenly had the capacity to notice beauty in the world again and it was really vindicating to know I’d made the right decision. This was when I realised how dull and grey the world I’d been living in was.
I had a beautiful community of friends who walked this season with me and I am so grateful for their honesty and support through those months. The whole experience also deepened my empathy for others in challenging circumstances.
During this time – My friend Christina and I started the charity One Mother to Another – and it suddenly gave me an outlet to help others. Helping others took the focus off me and proved to be a really healing experience.
It gave me a distraction, a purpose and provided a way to help others who were sitting in the same chair I’d sat in and it gave me a chapter two to a painful experience.
Starting One Mother to Another was a huge part of my recovery journey.
The Start of Something New and Inspiring…
My own journey has profoundly shaped my understanding of maternal mental health and inspired me to support other mothers and caregivers through One Mother to Another.
At One mother to Another, we support 6000+ parents and caregivers (primarily mothers) in hospital with their sick child or newborn and mothers in mental health crisis.
This is hugely close to my heart.
We have a particular focus on mothers of newborn babies and in neonatal units, not just because this was my experience but also because it’s such a vulnerable time.
- 1 in 10 babies in New Zealand receive neonatal care treatment at birth. That’s 1 in 10 babies not in their mother’s arms but instead surrounded by machines, beeps, tubes.
- The onset of mental illness for women is higher around time of childbirth already… and the stress of having a sick child only heightens risk (some research says 3-4 times)…
- It’s been proven “that parental distress during the perinatal period can have severe consequences – for parents, for their babies, for long-term whānau/family wellbeing, and for the next generation.” āhurutia te rito It takes a village report – Helen Clark Foundation
Our care packages offer not just goodies … but offer heart and connection in the sterile hospital environment which the medical professionals can’t offer… They include practical items for the hospital setting but also tools to aid mental wellbeing and most importantly a handwritten note of encouragement, which many parents tell us is the most meaningful part—a reminder that they are not alone.
I ended up unexpectedly in the neonatal intensive care unit again with my third child in 2021 and while I was in the unit, I had a fly on the wall experience as I saw our One Mother to Another care packages given out.
I was sitting just a couple of meters away from a woman who had given birth to premature twins, only one of whom had survived. She wasn’t from Christchurch and was sitting utterly alone in a hospital chair. When the nurse handed her one of our care packages, I saw her reaction. She read the note, and she sobbed. She told the nurse how much she needed that reassurance and comfort. In that moment, I vowed that OMTA’s work would never stop and that we’d expand it to support more and more parents in that situation because it really does make a difference.
How YOU Can Support New Mums in Your Whanau or Friend Groups
I think practical support is key.
Folding washing/ dropping a meal/ taking the baby for a walk so mum can shower etc… If you’re visiting, check if they need anything before arriving, and remember that just holding the baby so the parent can shower or nap can be a huge help.
Also don’t stay too long unless you’re invited to do so – twenty minutes is a good limit and always do a chore when you visit – just putting dishes in the dishwasher is helpful.
But if you can’t offer practical support then I encourage people to regularly check in. Maybe a daily text, as just knowing other people are thinking of you is a huge help.
The early days of postpartum, especially after a difficult journey, can be incredibly challenging both physically and emotionally. It’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay to not feel okay and to take things one step at a time. Be an active listener. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply listen without judgment. Let them vent their fears, frustrations, or joys. They don’t need solutions; they need someone to hold space for them.
Reassure them that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, sad, or even disconnected. These feelings don’t define their love for their child or their abilities as a parent.
Also ask about how the father is doing because it’s a big change for men too and the stats show men face postnatal depression too but that’s often not talked about. Giving a voice and care to the partner’s mental wellbeing is also hugely helpful and validating.
If they’re struggling, gently encourage them to reach out for professional support, whether it’s a counsellor, lactation consultant, or postpartum doula. It’s a sign of strength to ask for help but equally acknowledge the incredible job they’re doing, even if they can’t see it themselves. Hearing ‘You’re doing amazing’ can be incredibly affirming.
How to support One Mother to Another
One Mother to Another thrives because of the kindness and generosity of people who believe in our mission. There are many ways to support our work.
Financial contributions are always deeply appreciated and you can do so on our website www.onemothertoanother.org.nz. Just $25 helps us create a care package – every bit helps. We also have opportunities for businesses to sponsor care packages items or specific initiatives, and we have an incredible team of volunteers who help pack care packages, write notes of encouragement, and deliver the care packages to hospitals. If you have some time to spare, we’d love to have you join us.
Finally, sharing our story on social media, telling friends and family about us, or even organising a fundraiser in your community helps us reach more people who might want to support or benefit from our work. Every contribution—whether it’s time, money, or goods—directly supports families during some of their hardest days. It’s incredible to see how even small gestures can make such a big difference in reminding a parent they’re not alone.
