Welcome to Pretty Pregnant with Kim Crossman – this week, Kim’s generously sharing some of the fears she’s been having these last couple of weeks, and how she is learning about radical acceptance and putting emotional boundaries in place. Having just reached the 37-week mark, she knows it’s time to get her hospital bag ready (anyone have any final suggestions?!), plus, get a few things properly sorted – yip, it’s nearly go time!!
Missed her last edition? Click here to catch up!
I am now reaching 37 weeks, which apparently is the time I should have a hospital bag packed. I do not. And a bit of a space set up for baby? Also no.
But, we have moved the needle forward thanks to all your help. We have been working to converting my nana’s old room into a nursery. Originally, we were not planning on having a nursery because we are so nomadic and in all honesty, because I think there was a bit of a block there for me emotionally with some fear creeping in that things could still go wrong.
I felt more comfortable delaying the next phase of readiness. I know people talk about being so excited to meet their baby, but for me I think I am strangely holding on to this phase a little more than I expected, almost not wanting the pregnancy part to end just yet. Like I am already mourning not having a baby in my belly, that those days feel limited. Perhaps it is a control thing.
I haven’t googled this (for perhaps obvious reasons?), but I can only assume that there might be some tie to those who have experienced pregnancy loss feeling a resurgence of fear or feeling uncomfortable around no longer being pregnant. Or that tab still being very much open of fear of something last minute taking this baby away? Or something bad happening?
I have found such comfort and joy in this journey and it feels so special that I am not ready to move to that next phase. The next phase has so many unknowns and there is something magical about the now that makes me feel good. It seems everything online is mums trying to get baby to come early or them feeling so uncomfortable, yet I am here feeling I could stay in this phase for another nine months. Maybe I will feel differently though when we do have a nursery set up?
We are now the proud owners of a car seat, a pram, and a cot, so over the weekend I think putting some of those things together will help start that journey. I would love some help with nursery must-haves too. I have been doing some research into safe sleeping and nursing chairs and have been down a very exciting rabbit hole of baby wardrobe organisation videos. I love the internet. I understand it also causes many problems but my goodness thank you to all the epic mums who make content. Baby content and birth prep content is one hundred percent my drug of choice right now.
I put a story up earlier in the week about getting my car cleaned (another example of me doing things on the to do list that I can tick off but that are also not overly necessary! Guilty. Avoiding or procrastinating on some of the more pressing tasks haha). And it does seem like the general consensus is that I need to pack a hospital bag. So that is the goal over the weekend. I have purchased a bath tub liner as per someone’s very kind message to make me feel more comfortable if I do have the opportunity to labour in the bath or at least have the option to. So, thank you again for all the epic tips that are coming through.
I did want to ask if anyone went to birth care or something similar after birth if they birthed in a hospital? I know many of my friends did and loved the stepping stone of somewhere to go before heading home with a new baby, especially for first time mums, to have some professional help on standby if needed. I understand it is an expense so I would love to hear your experiences. I fall in to the category of almost all of my energy in consuming and learning about pregnancy and birth, not necessarily what happens when baby is here.
Although I did organise a baby first aid session for my family so we were at the very least all on the same page when it comes to what signs or symptoms are classified as concerning and how to do CPR effectively and deal with choking heaven forbid you need to spring in to action in an instant. We used & Breathe First Aid and I can not recommend Charlotte more. It’s 100% something I would encourage everyone to do if you have children or not.
Now let’s talk about emotions and energy. My friend introduced me to the concept of radical acceptance this week. I have been battling a bit of my own mental health this past week trying to stay in a good vibe and a good place. It feels like I am swimming upstream a little with a lot of heaviness around me given the status of the world, the economy, and I guess a bit of heightened sensitivity from trolls which normally does not affect me as much as it seems to this week. Pregnant or not, when you are actively trying to create good vibes around you and the world keeps testing you or you have to trudge through the metaphorical mud to keep the energy and vibes high, it can feel a little exhausting.
I did a few interviews recently and the question I keep getting asked, actually the question I get asked most is how do you stay humble or grounded.
And I think something in me sort of snapped.
Do not get me wrong, I adore how humble us Kiwis are, it’s deep in our DNA, and I love that our self-deprecating humour is what sets us apart, but are we really all flying so close to the sun that we need to constantly be reminded to stay humble?
You only have to open your phone or read almost anything to be so easily humbled. We are so blessed to live or reside in a beautiful country, one with flaws and work to do, sure, but that we are for the most part not in the worst possible situation at large, and that can keep us humble.
Maybe I am ranting here, but I would rather have a healthy relationship with delusion and joy and dreams than feel like I have to constantly prove that I am indeed grounded but with a side of delight and optimism that is well in check. I thought we had graduated from tall poppy syndrome somewhat, so it has been a little disappointing to realise how scarcity mindset is still cemented in us and how it is our job individually to stir the pot and shift our energy and therefore those around us to the good. No one knows this more than pregnant woman who is constantly bombarded with trauma stories, I am sure.
So rather than fight the energy that is upsetting me I have moved into radical acceptance. I have, as my therapist said, surrounded myself in a solid golden egg and filled it with golden light, also known as emotional boundaries, where I am in charge of my joy and vibes and it is up to me what energy I choose to absorb. Taking some power back. I do want to be very clear that this environment and the people who are pouring into my experience with birth have all been delightful. It is more the outer layer of that and perhaps the commentary from people whose hearts I will never be able to win over or those who are not in a good season themselves, who in some way feel it is their responsibility to bring people down to their level at all costs to avoid a light shining on their current status.
Any who a bit of a rant that I ummed and ahhed about sharing, but I do think it is important to be honest. And I do also understand that I am super sensitive because I have to do a lot of internal work to keep my own brain in a good place, so I put extra pressure on my external surroundings supporting good vibes. And perhaps its overall a feeling of losing control and my fear of being able to surrender to this next phase, which is why I am working on radical acceptance this week.
I would love to know more about your post birth or birth care or equivalent plans and what was or was not helpful on your journey if you have walked this path already. And I would love any nursery tips, tricks, or must haves when it comes to layout, items, or blackout curtains which it seems most people on Instagram invest in?
As always, thank you to you all for joining me on this path to motherhood. I cannot express with enough gratitude how held and loved I feel by you all. I have wanted this for so long and to have such an epic network of women, generous women, has truly restored so much of my faith in humanity.
x
