Welcome to Kim Crossman’s column, Pretty Pregnant – this week, Kim’s had some *thoughts* about her appearance, and why she’s had to rethink her ‘natural’ approach – plus she needs your help! We’re very excited here at Capsule to have Kimberley join us every fortnight as she brings us along for the ride of her very exciting pregnancy.
Missed her last edition? Click here to catch up!
Firstly, thank you all for your words of encouragement from my last blog and my desire to celebrate and really try to lean into the joy of pregnancy and protect my energy!
Now that I am officially just over 20 weeks, I have started to pop! And I did something this week my mum wasn’t too happy about, but I felt it was important to share and talk about.
During the build-up to conception and preparing my body with all the things I could to help, I got rid of all fragrances, harmful chemicals in the home where I could, took off my nail polish, stopped wearing synthetic fabrics and makeup… and took out my hair extensions.
I’ve had hair extensions for more than a decade and I adore them. I’ve always had really fine hair, and it’s always been part of my self-care to have the nice long blonde hair that I love. While I am fine with my natural hair, the confidence and joy I get from my extensions is huge – but how much I attached my identity to them was quite confronting. Over the last six months without them, I noticed I felt less put-together, didn’t stand as tall, and was really having to work to adjust to loving myself minus the crutch I had created.
Last week, I put them back in. I actually felt sort of ashamed about how badly I wanted them. I had hoped that with all my body changes in pregnancy, the tightening of my clothes, and the excitement of a visible bump, I would feel more sexy and feminine. But I was feeling less and less so.
I feel completely different with them back in. I think for me, it was a lot of change all at once. The things I saw as self-care, like having my nails always done or wearing makeup, made me feel more feminine. And when I removed them all, I was meeting myself for the first time, raw. It was a big shift.
Now, with my hair back in, I feel so much better. My natural nails don’t bother me. My skin looks better, possibly because I feel happier. And I’m walking with a bit more sparkle.
I feel almost silly even talking about this here, but it’s real. It’s how I was feeling. And in a time where I want to embrace this journey of pregnancy as much as possible, some of my own insecurities were getting in the way of authentically feeling good.
Let’s be clear, I wish I could walk into a room with ten out of ten confidence, completely free of any chemicals or add-ons and be an earthy mama, but I’m not quite there yet.
So long-hair Crossman is back, and it’s injected me with more pep in my step. Watch out world!
The other thing I’ve noticed a lot at this stage of my pregnancy is the whole idea of people pleasing. This came up in a chat I was having this week after speaking to a few mums who had emergency C-sections and how the process of losing control of the narrative, while necessary and needed, actually felt traumatic to them.
I’ve been learning more about the role of a midwife or a doula, and how often a doula can be brought in to help the mother during the birthing process. Whilst we haven’t landed on any real path for birth yet, I thought now that I’ve hit the halfway hurdle it was time to start reaching out. I would love to hear your experiences.
My husband is amazing, and I know he will be right there supporting me through the process, whatever it looks like. But I do worry that in a stressful or intense environment, I don’t have a history of backing myself or advocating for myself.
Self-abandonment is something I’ve been working on a lot in therapy. I have a rich history of not actually showing myself respect or care when faced with situations. I tend to make sure everyone else is comfortable or forego my own desires to keep the peace.
I hope I don’t sound like I’m on a soapbox saying that, but it has caused me a real disconnect with my body and some struggles with connecting to my intuition. I haven’t really given my body too many opportunities to trust that I have its back.
All that to say, it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot when it comes to birth. Decisions in the moment or what I even want the birthing process to look like at any level.
I’m all for doing what is needed to ensure, firstly, baby and then myself are safe. But beyond that, in terms of the energy and overall communication during these unpredictable moments, what can I do to back myself? And do I need someone else to advocate for me also?
I would be curious to know if you have any insight on this from your own personal experience. I really appreciate the generosity of so many of you walking this journey with us. It has felt so nourishing and kind.
Much Love x
Oh, one more thing – one thing I’ve been really intentional about after my post two weeks ago was chatting with Jodi from First Light Flower Essences of New Zealand, she’s my little secret weapon! So if you’ve used Rescue Remedy, you’ve used flower essences – and these vibrational medicines are made from native New Zealand flowers to support emotional and energetic wellbeing. Jodi creates personalised blends based on your birthdate and whatever you’re needing support with, all for just $38 so I had to share it with you!
I recently reached out asking for help with boundaries and protecting my energy, especially during pregnancy, and she made me a custom blend that comes in a little dropper bottle. I add a few drops to my drink bottle throughout the day. It’s gentle, supportive, and honestly a little magic. A couple of the powerful ingredients in my blend include ones made from Tree Fuchsia, which supports connection to your feminine power, helping you feel grounded, abundant, and deeply nurtured through big transitions, and Koromiko, which encourages calm, wisdom, and stronger energetic boundaries. Especially helpful if you’re highly sensitive or feel drawn into other people’s emotions.
I also announced that I’m now working with the Whau Mental Health Research Foundation to help raise funding for research into women’s health in New Zealand, an area that we can all agree is widely under-researched and under-supported. I had been thinking for a long time about how I could help make some real change. While awareness through my podcast Pretty Depressed and holding space for important conversations is amazing and so needed, we aren’t truly moving the needle forward without evidence-based research here in Aotearoa to help make this path easier for women in the future.
