Welcome to Kim Crossman’s column, Pretty Pregnant – this week, Kim’s had a big scan (does she know the sex of their baby?!) and is generally feeling good, but she’s been battling some nerves and all of those strange pregnancy symptoms, like bleeding gums! We’re very excited here at Capsule to have Kimberley join us every fortnight as she brings us along for the ride of her very exciting pregnancy.
Missed her last edition? Click here to catch up!
As always I like to kick off with a big thank you to those amazing ladies who reached out to share their experiences with doulas, midwives and learning to advocate for themselves. I found it really helpful in planting seeds of what I might like birth, the build up to birth and the care afterwards to look like!
These past two weeks have been pretty amazing, to be honest. I am sharing for the first time some of the scan photos from our 21 week scan which include the cutest feet I have ever seen, and our baby’s face. 4D scans are equal parts kind of creepy and amazing. I am still in awe that this is growing inside of me and already has so many developments from the previous scan. It is a full on baby!
As I have shared previously, scans do give me scanxiety. I notice that if there is a drop in conversation with the sonographer, or an energy shift, I find my brain rushing to a thousand conclusions. This scan was special as Tom was with me and we got to hear baby’s heartbeat, then lock eyes and not look at the screen when we were told to turn away in case we ruined the gender reveal. We do not want to find out until birth. He held my hand.
It must be hard as a non carrying baby parent. I found myself thinking there are not as many moments to really feel this journey and what feels like a constant state of awareness for me, for dads or partners who are not carrying the baby, moments like scans become increasingly special. It is really sweet.
We were both quite taken aback about the amount of development baby has made – we got to see a full skeleton shape, black or grey blobs which we were told were certain organs. (Side bar, the professionals that can decipher anything from these scans are incredible! Some things felt like a magic eye puzzle or like someone trying to describe how a cloud looks like a certain animal and your brain tries desperately to make it out.)
The relief of leaving with the diagnosis that we have an “average baby” was both a huge relief and also a bit of a joke as Tom knows I do not accept anything that is just “average”. I strive for “perfection” and he kindly reminded me that in this scenario, average is what you want to hear. Average is good. My type A perfectionism is still struggling but yes, we have at this stage an average baby. Perfect by my definition obviously.
I have had a few curious symptoms that were bugging me. I have had bleeding gums a lot when brushing my teeth and while Doctor Google did suggest that this can be a pregnancy symptom due to a change in hormones, oral health and oral hygiene can be increasingly problematic during pregnancy. After a few chats with Tom (and my anxiety now convinced that I might have some kind of infection that can cause birth defects!), after two years of putting the dentist on the back burner we both went to see the team at Lumino in Auckland CBD to get a professional opinion. In the end, I got a high five from the dentist and Tom got a list of treatments he will have to go back for, but all to say a good reminder to keep up your oral health and make it a priority as the mouth is the gateway to a lot of your overall health.
Something that I have become very aware of is both the improvement and growth I have made with my positive mindset and not letting my depression or negative self talk creep in as often as it has previously in other life chapters of mine, but how my body itself does tend to still struggle with physical symptoms of stress and anxiety. I am sharing this in the hopes that some of you might either relate or possibly have some helpful tools you can share for us all.
I will give some examples to further explain what I mean. I did the blood test for gestational diabetes, which involves drinking a syrupy drink, waiting an hour and then doing a repeat blood test. Mum came with me and we chatted and caught up while we waited. When the alarm went off an hour later to repeat the test the nurse asked how I was feeling. She said most people feel sick or are actually sick and she was surprised that I seemed great. With her even saying that I immediately felt nauseous. Almost comedically so. It was as if because I did not even know that was an option, I felt fine but as soon as she mentioned it my very obedient body responded as such. Strange.
The other thing that has happened in the last 48 hours is extreme fatigue. We are tracking the baby’s growth in terms of the vegetables and fruit each week relates to, to keep the family chat exciting. This week it is the size of a corn cob. And under each food is a “this week you might be experiencing” section which said this week fatigue is a common symptom. And just as previously before, I instantly felt shattered. Do I need to just live in positive delusion where I instead prescribe myself my weekly symptoms, “you will feel energetic this week, you will feel uplifted this week”? How did any of you amazing already mums navigate this?
And then the real reason I might be feeling this way… I have not felt baby moving yet. All the blogs and online sources say between 18 and 24 weeks you will feel baby moving. As I get closer to the 24 week deadline I think honestly that is where my underlying fear comes from. I have had moments of feeling bubbles but not the common butterflies feeling yet. I am willing the feeling into existence but I cannot hand on my heart say I have really felt anything that I could confidently report as baby movement and that is what is scaring me. I have had the scans, I have seen baby in all honesty rarely be still enough to check its vitals, but it is still odd I cannot feel it yet and that makes me nervous.
As always, I wanted to share my experience so we can encourage a dialogue and positive supportive chat so please know you have permission to reach out and share your experiences or your advice. We so appreciate it.
x
