We had the incredible honour of getting to share Kim Crossman’s pregnancy journey here at Capsule through her column, Pretty Pregnant. Well, Kim is no longer Pretty Pregnant – 10 weeks ago she welcomed her precious first baby: a darling little girl. And, just 10 weeks ago, Kim – staying true to her Type A personality – handed in a story just a day after giving birth, sharing all the twists and turns of her birth (that went completely differently to the way she expected) and, sharing a first look at her gorgeous little girl: Coco Joan.
Pretty Pregnant has become Pretty Postpartum and Kim has been generously sharing all the ups and downs and startling discoveries of postpartum with us. If you haven’t read her updates you can read her story about Coco’s birth here to read it now! Her update at two weeks here, a month in, here, at six weeks, here, eight weeks here and ten weeks here, 12 weeks here, 14 weeks here , 16 weeks here and last week’s, 18 weeks here.
And this week Kim is most certainly back with her genuine, ‘tell it like it is’ perspective – as she shares more about her journey with a prolapse and all the things she’s learned along the way. All those things that people say ‘oh that’s just what happens when you give birth’ -which, well, even though they happen to a lot of women, do need some attention to get fixed!
Ready for an encore? Let’s dive right in.
Can you empty your bladder fully? Do you pee or poop with urgency? When you pee and then stand, do you dribble, aka the encore? How about sneezing? Trampolines? Dullness? Inability to pinch? Ahh yes, if you answered yes, while these symptoms are common, they are not normal. Something I have become acutely aware of in the prolapse space is how many women are dealing with symptoms of varying degrees because “that’s what happens when you give birth” or “it’s part of the joys.”
What I have recently learned is that because no one is really talking about it, we think this is all just part of it. Therefore there is no conversation, and then no common solutions.
I have taken it upon myself to shine a light on the undercarriage this week, and a few other exciting things too, but let’s get the more faux pas stuff out of the way. In saying that, I have also been feeding Coco to sleep, so I might have two strikes against me this week. It’s all juicy and exciting and starting to feel a bit like the sealed section of an early 2000s mag and I am here for it.
Okay, I did have this blog approved by a professional and now also a friend, Haley Dillon, who runs Osteoh and has been inside me more than my husband since Coco joined us, true story. Haley has been helping me with specific pelvic floor exercises and after some stagnation in progress, we have now escalated my care to include the now famous fanny weights. They are egg shaped weights with a tail. They look like cartoon sperm and come in varying weight sizes. The goal is to start with the lightest weight, try to keep it in, and walk around for 15 to 30 minutes a day or work up to that. Then, like all weightlifting, you graduate to a heavier weight. This helps the muscles stay engaged for longer and, fingers crossed, helps me see some progress with my pelvic floor weakness.
I want to mention again what prolapse is in case this is your first time joining us and you have no idea why I am weightlifting with my vagina.
There are three main types, all technically vaginal wall prolapses, named based on what is bulging and where. Uterine prolapse is where the womb or uterus drops down into the top of the vagina. Bladder prolapse involves the bladder bulging into the front wall of the vagina, also known as a cystocele. Rectal prolapse is where the rectum, or sometimes intestine, bulges into the back wall of the vagina, also called a rectocele or enterocele. Prolapse can occur in varying degrees, from mild, a slight shift with little or no symptoms, to more severe cases where the organ descends significantly and may be felt or seen externally.
I have uterine and rectal prolapse, possibly because I pushed for two sessions when Coco was born and she was delivered by forceps, or I just have weak vaginal walls. I am also exclusively breastfeeding so everything is naturally a little softer during this time. That said, I might see some improvement when I stop feeding and the body naturally tightens up a bit. My prolapse is a level 2. This means I have some accidents and sometimes experience incontinence or, as my midwife Cathy coined it, the encore. When you pee, then stand up and oops, you pee some more. Butt wise, it means I need to go with urgency and it feels like I have a bowling ball in my butt at all times. Whilst I understand it is common, I have also learned that it is not normal and I need to do some work to help strengthen my undercarriage.
I think the urgency piece is the most challenging for me. I have moved past the embarrassment thanks to so many of you sharing that you are in the same boat and now it is more about the uncertainty. Maintaining confidence and being present in situations where, in the back of your mind, you might need to run to the loo. Acutely scanning new environments to know where a bathroom is, calculating how long it would take to get there, and navigating what clothes I wear so I am not fussing about. Not the end of the world, but definitely a few new spicy additions to the daily checklist. The other piece is nutrition and something I am yet to properly tackle. I have been told it can really help in terms of what you are passing. Some people experience constipation and pain when going to the loo, others have what we lovingly call in our family bum wees. So learning what diet gives me the best outcome there will be my next little adventure.
So welcome to the journey with me as we work to strengthen things down below.
And now let’s talk about my perfect, delightful baby. Haha. God, I love her. It is true that my heart keeps expanding. I have had my first real moments of exhaustion hit this week too, which meant medicating with coffee and sugar to try to snap back into presence a few times.
I am not sure why I almost feel more tired now, even though I am getting more sleep hours wise than before. I feel like each day starts with a Milo and a prep talk. Still no massive long giggles, but lots of laughs and smiles and bubble blowing, more rolling, wanting to be held as if she is standing with her feet on the ground, and just squishy delight. She is asleep right now making cute little squeaks. I cannot believe she is real. It is a year ago that I told Tom about being pregnant and in reflection it has felt both like the shortest and longest year.
I have officially reached the part of postpartum where it feels like I am going bald. I had a shower and ran my hands through my hair and it felt like I had an entire head of hair in my hands, and then again, and again. Terrifying. Then I brushed my wet hair and more and more came out. While I had heard about postpartum hair loss, it felt like my body was like, ‘oh shit, we forgot to make all her hair fall out, do that now’. So like most things that are uncomfortable, I try to run into the eye of the storm and booked in a hairdresser’s appointment, and the lovely Jenny chopped it all off. I am now in the mum lob club. I love it. It is much easier, I will say. Still experiencing hair loss, but I at least feel like the shorter hair takes the power back a little bit. Highly recommend.
I remember thinking I would be such a cool mum, haha, one without all the things, who would keep it minimal, who would look hot and still be super fun. I do not really think I am her at all. I have all the things. I want more things, which is not necessary, but in saying that there are some great things out there that really help the mum and baby experience. I am not spending up a storm, but I have much more baby gear than I thought I would before embarking on this journey, and that is okay.
I am not the fun mum in many ways I thought I would be. I always hated in comedy when they leaned into the nagging mum character, the fun police, the ball and chain stereotype. I always thought, how boring, girls can be fun and mums are not all like that. I will say, I have lost a bit of my fun, but it is usually for good reason. Mums are in charge, for the most part, of everything, keeping the train on the tracks so the whole operation does not completely go belly up. I never comprehended how big of a job that was and how, no wonder we are not always “fun.” We are herding metaphorical cats all the time, on no sleep, and the architects of making sure everyone else is having a good time. Not to sound like a stereotype myself or a victim, I guess what I am saying is the responsibility and the cause and effect of parenting, missing a nap, overstimulating, is real and ultimately makes a mum’s job harder. Again, not complaining, I guess I just have more empathy and understanding of why sometimes mums have to be the fun police. And I get it now.
It brings me to my last little note for this week about mum judgement. I think we all like to think or hope to be accepting and live by the “whatever works for you” ideal when we think of other mums and how they are navigating things. I actually think I was more judgemental before I was a mum. Not in a mean way, just the thoughts that would pass through my head when observing something, the “I would not be like that” or “I would not accept that kind of behaviour.” Nothing I would say out loud obviously, but I am reflecting on how I would have perceived certain situations before this phase of my life and how differently I see them now.
I guess I was a bit judgy, not at the expense of another mum, more in my own reflections of how I thought I would or would not be. But there are still things where I notice my brain making unnecessary comments sometimes. I think it is realising that everyone has their own way of navigating parenting and how easy it is from the outside to insert yourself into a situation and assume how you would respond. This is true with all things naturally, but it seems especially intense when it comes to raising babies, particularly as a new mum.
So I wanted to ask, how do you have grace for mums who are doing it differently without judgement? How do you remain curious about alternative approaches and not rigid in what worked for you as the only narrative? And I guess in that I am answering my own question. Curiosity. Great, glad we processed that together. Haha, welcome to my brain. I guess that is the key, to look at all parenting approaches with curiosity rather than judgement.
Which brings me to feeding to sleep. I did not even realise this was something people felt strongly about, but here we are. At night time Miss Coco falls asleep by me feeding her. She uses me as a pacifier and it works for us. But from the comment section, in pro feed to sleep parents, it can create dependence and an inability to self settle. Is that a problem with a four-month-old? According to the comment section, yes. But is it a problem for us? Not yet. So when do you, as a mum, stop doing what works to help your future self, or do you not because if it is not broken, do not fix it? And this is where I spin myself into a flurry.
I love our little night time rituals and feeding her to sleep, a moment to reflect on the day, watch her feel safe and warm and snuggly and tell her all the wonderful things about the day and what is in store for tomorrow. It is our sweet little time. So for now I am going to keep doing it, and if it means I need to course correct later, I think I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
I would love to know how you navigate having grace for other methods of parenting, how you process what is working now versus what you think might set up future struggles, and if you have tried anything for prolapse that would help not only me but all the other mums who are walking this same path. Cannot wait to hear from you.
x
