While February might be the month of love for many, it can also bring about complicated feelings of loneliness and insecurity (we’ve ALL been there!). So, it’s also a wonderful time to celebrate the HUGE power of self-love and why, whether you’re single or attached, it’s the key to all kinds of love.
Our pals at Bumble have just released their newest bit of research and this time, it’s all about self-love! The new study, which surveyed more than 1000 Kiwi Bumble users, examines the concept of self-love and what that feels like for single Kiwis, as well as exploring how the relationship you have with yourself can set the foundation for healthy and equal romantic connections. Let’s crack into the findings!
You can buy yourself flowers
RuPaul is right babes – we really DO need to love ourselves in order to love somebody else. Almost three quarters (73%) of single Kiwis strongly believe that having high self-love is one of the best ways to set you up for a healthy romantic relationship, and 66% agree that when you have higher levels of self-love, you are more likely to feel equal in your romantic relationships.
Us single Kiwis also reckon:
● Four out of every five (82%) single Kiwis believe that self-love has to come from within and cannot come from a romantic partner
● Over two thirds (69%) of single Kiwis feel more comfortable expressing their emotional and physical needs when they have high self-love
● Two thirds (65%) of single Kiwis feel more sexually confident if they have high levels of self-love
● More than half (58%) of single Kiwis mentioned that they prefer dating when they have a higher sense of self-love
If there’s EVER a sign to head towards your self-love era, it’s now!
2020-me
What actually IS self-love? At its core, is about putting yourself first and being in touch with your own needs and it can look different to different people. The Bumble self-love report confirms that positive self-love can lead to more equitable relationships, better connections, greater sexual confidence and the ability to emotionally connect with partners.
● The number-one method single Kiwis use to practise self-love is time out to themselves (70%), followed by time with family and friends (55%), and exercise (50%)
● A third of single Kiwis said they practise self-love through self care routines like beauty, skincare and massages (34%), travel (30%), and having strong boundaries (30%)
● Almost one in three (31%) of single Kiwis practise self-love through self-pleasure and masturbation. Millennials are the most likely to say so (31%) followed closely by Gen Z (28%) and Gen X (26%)
Chantelle Otten, Bumble’s resident sexologist, says: “Spending time alone is an important aspect of self-love as it provides an opportunity for self-reflection and self-discovery. By taking time to be with yourself, you can get to know yourself better and understand what you truly want and need from life. This can help you to identify areas of your life where you would like to make changes and develop a more positive relationship with yourself.
“Additionally, spending time alone can help you to recharge and reduce stress, which is important for maintaining good mental and emotional health. This time can also be used to engage in activities that you enjoy, such as reading, writing, or meditating, which can increase feelings of happiness and well-being – all of which are important when it comes to dating.”
And if you’ve ever been single for a period of time, you’ll be nodding your head in agreement that almost two thirds (64%) of single Kiwis said that being single for a period of time helped them develop a stronger sense of self-love and sense of self (AMEN to that!).
But the stats also show that there’s a heap of work to still do:
● 39% of single Kiwis state their self-love is high regardless of their relationship status
● Only one in three (30%) single Kiwis who are actively dating have high levels of self-love. Millennials (32%) and Gen X (32%) single Kiwis lead the way with having high self-love when they are dating compared to 28% of Gen Z and 26% of Boomers
Says Chantelle, “Self-love is crucial when it comes to dating as it lays the foundation for healthy and fulfilling relationships. When you love and value yourself, you are able to attract partners who treat you with the same level of respect and love. Additionally, having a strong sense of self-worth allows you to set boundaries and avoid toxic or unhealthy relationships. It also helps you to be more confident and secure in who you are, which can lead to better communication and decision-making in your relationships.
“Furthermore, self-love helps you to avoid seeking validation from others and instead find it within yourself. This reduces the likelihood of experiencing feelings of inadequacy or insecurity in your relationships. When you love yourself, you are less likely to settle for less than you deserve and are more likely to attract a partner who shares your values and treats you with respect. Everyone’s dating journeys are different and it can be easy to get hung up on comparing yourself to others, especially on days like Valentine’s Day. The research suggests your capacity to practise self-love isn’t dependent on your relationship status and that time alone can be beneficial for your sense of self.”
Entering our selfish era
God, we LOVE that heading! Although prioristing self-love seems obvious in 2023, there are a variety of barriers in the way of single New Zealanders entering their selfish era. Keeping up with a social schedule, the rising cost of inflation and the after-effects of the pandemic are just a few of the factors affecting our ability to put ourselves first, and trust us, that has to change.
● Half (49%) of Kiwi singles stated that stress or lack of time prevented them from practising self-love. This is most prevalent for single Kiwi women (53%) compared to single Kiwi men (46%). Generationally it’s both Gen Z (55%) and Millennials (55%) who credit stress or lack of time to the biggest barrier to self-love.
● Almost half (43%) of Kiwi singles claimed that financial stress prevented them from practising self-love. The impact of financial stress on self-love is most prevalent (48%) for single Kiwi women.
● More than one in three (37%) claimed that feelings of unworthiness prevented them from practising self-love.
● More than one in three (35%) of Kiwi singles said that they feel overwhelmed when it comes to the thought of practising self-love and are unsure how to create new healthy habits, and 27% of those were unsure of how to best practice self-love
Lucille McCart, Bumble’s APAC Communications Director, said: “Having high self-love isn’t as easy as just waking up one day and deciding to love yourself. We are all stressed, time poor, have financial worries, feel overwhelmed, and sometimes feel unworthy of giving ourselves that time and focus. Sometimes we just don’t know where to start. But everyone deserves to have a loving, happy and peaceful relationship with their own self, as well as with a romantic partner if that is what they desire.”