Are dating apps well and truly over? Capsule writer Vivien Beduya explores the Date My Mate trend taking over cities globally, including right here in Auckland.
Gosh, I don’t miss dating apps.
The ghosting. The catfishing. The endless photos of men with fish (Is that still a thing? If so, why is it still a thing?!) The figuring out if someone is genuinely looking for a relationship or just wants a bump in their Instagram following. True story, by the way.
My single friends tell me it’s somehow gotten even worse. So I talked to Su-Ling Leong, owner of Solo Social Club, which runs singles events in Auckland. One of her event-goers matched online with a man who had a brilliant personality over chat. Then when they met IRL, nothing. Bland. No good chats. Turns out he’d been using ChatGPT to write all his messages. “[It] was like flirting with a robot,” says Su-Lin.
Which is exactly why a growing number of singles are ditching the apps and showing up to IRL events instead. There’s one trending globally right now and it’s not your standard speed dating night. It’s got a modern twist, and it involves a mate and a pitch deck.
Is This the Dating Event Auckland Has Been Waiting For?
Enter Date My Mate: a dating event that is exactly what it sounds like. Your mate gets a three-to-five minute spot on stage to pitch you as a viable date to a room full of strangers.
They make their case, talk up your best qualities, reveal your type and maybe lovingly roast you in the process. A Powerpoint presentation is optional, though wouldn’t you want your mate to flaunt your holiday photos? Then you mingle, and hopefully match with someone in person.
This concept has been gaining traction in the US and Australia but it just had its big international moment after a Date My Mate night at a north London pub reportedly sold out tickets in under five minutes, according to CNN.
The pub was PACKED, with one event goer saying they thought in-real-life dating is the way forward, and another called the event “quite retro, it’s a vintage way of meeting people that we don’t really have these days”. Cue feeling old.
Did Auckland’s Date My Mate Event Actually Work?
Solo Social Club ran their own Date My Mate event in time for Valentine’s Eve this year at a Ponsonby bar. The MC got into the true spirit of the evening and pitched himself to the crowd as a “professional foster boyfriend” – a confidence-boosting placeholder until someone’s ready to settle down. The crowd loved it.
The standout moment of the night came from two guy mates who hadn’t planned to pitch at all. They volunteered off the cuff and hyped each other up in front of everyone. “They were brave and funny and just gave off a really ‘up for any adventure’ vibes,” say organisers.
As to whether anyone landed a date, a couple of people swapped numbers and went on dates afterwards. “Usually there is at least one couple that pairs off at each [singles] event!”
Does ‘Date My Mate’ Work Better Than Dating Apps?
Su-Lin explains why singles events like Date My Mate work. “Sometimes a person might not be able to sell themselves, but a best friend or family member knows them inside out and can actually do a better job,” she says.
“It’s a little bit like when people go to a job interview – they know how to sell themselves because that’s expected. But when you want to find a life partner, which I’d say is just as important as finding a good job, people are shy of selling themselves.”
She adds that the benefit extends beyond potentially finding someone. “It’s also a way to give confidence to that friend, so they feel good when they go out and meet people. Like, ‘I didn’t realise this person thought so highly of me.'”
There’s also the very real fear of showing up, spending money on a ticket and being rejected in person. To that, she says rejection is part of the process whether you’re online or off, and to treat that as a learning curve instead of a barrier.
She says it’s a chance to self-reflect, maybe the issue is how you present yourself. Maybe you don’t actually feel comfortable in a bar and would thrive in another environment like volunteering or sports.
“[Dating is] not just a numbers game. It’s choosing the right places and the right people – that will actually make your chances [of finding someone] higher.”
Are In-Person Dating Events Better?
The broader appeal of in-person events, says Su-Lin, is that people can just be honest – something that is truly challenging to find on dating apps.
“Online, the problem is a lot of people can’t be themselves. They put on filters, they’re hiding behind a keyboard and they ghost, all the kind of stuff. If you’re actually going out, you’re brave enough to go in person and show your true face.”
She’s deliberate about how Solo Social Club’s events are designed, too. She has no interest in just filling a bar with singles and calling it a night. Her next event is mini golf, where singles are paired with a mate and two other singles for 20 minutes on the course. “You’re doing a shared activity, so the focus isn’t just on how this person looks or whether they had a bad pickup line. You get to see other aspects of them. And they’re least likely to be drunk. If you meet a drunk person, you don’t really know what they’re truly like.”
As for whether Date My Mate becomes a regular in Solo Social Club’s event calendar, Su-Lin is open to it. “Your best cheerleader is someone who knows you and is willing to go up and sell you. As long as people are open to giving it a go, it’s just a matter of making it fun and welcoming – and letting people work their own course.”
And look, is letting a mate pitch you to a room full of strangers really that terrifying? Honestly, after the ChatGPT date story, it doesn’t sound that bad.
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About the Author:
Vivien Beduya is a video journalist and content creator at Capsule. She’s most passionate about inclusive storytelling that centres underserved communities, women’s health, mental health, travel, food and the ways technology shapes our everyday lives. She made a bold (and terrifying) career switch to journalism in her late 20s after years across banking, insurance and travel.
She’s worked for NewstalkZB and TVNZ’s youth news platform Re: News, and has also been published on 1News, NZ Herald, and Stuff. She was selected by the Asia New Zealand Foundation as an emerging journalist for the Splice Beta 2025 delegation in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Vivien lives in Auckland with her partner, close(ish) to the beach, and is always on the hunt for Auckland’s best affordable eats.
You can read other stories by Vivien here or email her here.
