Friday, December 2, 2022

I’ll Have What She’s Having: Our Panel Reviews the Rocks Off Bullet Vibrator – Though She Be But Little, She is FIERCE

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The books we're reading, the vibrators we're using, the rants we're having and more in our weekly EDM.

Welcome to the fifth installment of I’ll Have What She’s Having, our monthly panel of real, honest sex toy reviews, in conjunction with our friends at Adulttoymegastore where we find the best sex toys in NZ!

This month, we’re reviewing the Rocks Off Rainbow Bullet Vibrator and some of our panel most DEFINITELY found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! Don’t forget our exclusive discount code CAPSULE10 if you’re thinking this sounds like a bit of you!)

If you missed last month’s edition of our sex toy reviews, click here and check out the list of the top 10 best sex toys as voted on by readers like you!

Katy – no longer 29, no longer polyamorous, nor bisexual, nor with two girlfriends. But, still has a cat and enough sex toys sink a small boat!

“If it were socially acceptable, I’d totally display it on a shelf.”

Ah the classic bullet vibe. Some might consider it an entry-level sex toy, and for a lot of people it’s something that they’ll use for a while (probably until the tiny little battery runs out) before moving on to the next toy. But let me tell you two things:

1.     Not all bullets are made equal

2.     There’s a lot of different ways to use a bullet if you’re creative enough

To the first point, you can tell at a glance that this is a premium toy. The packaging and the toy itself are both gorgeous. I have the rainbow one, and if it were socially acceptable, I’d totally display it on a shelf.

The other difference to a lot of bullet vibes is that it’s a bit larger. I’m guessing this means there’s a bigger battery in there, and after using it a couple of times there’s no sign of it dying any time soon. Although given that it’s not rechargeable, there’s a very good chance that when the battery does eventually give up, it disappears into the depths of my bedside drawer never to be seen again.

To the second point – creativity with sex toys is a philosophy that I’ve been applying a lot recently. With a toy like the bullet, I think of it more as a supporting team member, rather than a lead role. I personally enjoy dual stimulation – but as I’m sure a lot of people have experienced, when you’re going full ham and thrusting away, it can be a bit tricky to also work some clitoral stimulation into the mix. But not for the trusty bullet vibe. Its shape and size make it easy to add to the action and take the experience to a whole new level.

So there we are. The humble bullet vibe. A big tick in my books. When the quality is top notch, you’ll be buzzing.

Sarah, 31 – Single and curious professional who would like to not just rely on her trusty Satisfyer Pro 2 for a good time

I do refer to it as ‘the unicorn’ because of a) its colour scheme and b) it’s ability to give an orgasm in less than 30 seconds (a unicorn of an experience).”

‘Tis Small But Mighty! One time, a work colleague and I both went along to a demonstration (not what it sounds like) of a bullet vibrator and both walked away with one. Little did we know that our lives were changed forever. The next day, my colleague pulled me into the bathroom with a look of absolute panic in her eyes as she hissed at me “It’s too good, I came in 10 seconds.” 

That night I tried it, and though I didn’t hit the 10-second mark, it wasn’t far off. I have tried multiple vibrators in my life but nothing has ever come close (!) to the EFFICIENCY of this tiny angel. It’s so small it is basically the size of a heavy duty tampon, but it brings nothing but joy and speed to your vagina. It has seven speed settings – standard stuff – but it is the work of magic. Plus, the one that I’ve got is rainbow coloured and honestly, I do refer to it as ‘the unicorn’ because of a) its colour scheme and b) it’s ability to give an orgasm in less than 30 seconds (a unicorn of an experience in these sex toy reviews).

Because it’s tiny, it’s discreet enough to pop into your drawer or handbag (why not?!) and IMHO, it is the easiest vibe to introduce into sex with a partner because they’re not going to be weirded out by its size, unlike if you were going to bring, say, the G Spot Vibrator into play. Every single person with a clitoris should have one of these vibrators because they get the job done like no other toy. If I was Oprah, I would “You Get A Bullet (The Good Kind)” my entire friend group. In fact, maybe I will put this on the top of my gift-giving list. 

Amanda, 50 – Single menopausal empty nester with enough power tools and sex toys to keep herself sane and occupied

I find this approach leaves my lady parts a bit stunned and reeling from the onslaught.”

There seems to be two types of bullet vibes – those that go through a range of vibe patterns, and those that go like a jack rabbit. The Rocks Off 80mm Rainbow Bullet Vibrator is definitely in the latter camp. It is intense like an intense thing.

Despite claiming to have seven speeds, all go for it like there’s no tomorrow. I find this approach leaves my lady parts a bit stunned and reeling from the onslaught. There’s nothing slow or gentle, or vaguely useful for edging.

The clicker/button is not particularly reliable, so there’s a strong possibility that I just got a dud. But a clicker that works is the least you want in a bullet vibe, so a potential design flaw is not a selling point. It’s also theoretically waterproof, but I was not game enough to try standing up in the shower while using this. Someone out there will be blown away by this small but mighty bullet, but that someone is not me.

On the plus side, it looks like a shiny pretty rainbow and you can pop it in your handbag. Although, when you go through security at the airport, if you haven’t taken the battery out for travel, you will definitely have to answer questions. 

Cecilia, 43 – Sex toy virgin and mum-of-two who’s keen to expand her horizons

“I’ve now realised how far I’ve come (pun intended) in the sex toy review space”

Having had zero experience of sex toys prior to joining this review panel, I’ve now realised how far I’ve come (pun intended) in the toy space. Because when I opened the bullet I thought ‘is this all?’. Short, slim, rainbow coloured and looking a lot like a tube of lipstick, it’s quite a departure from the silicone shlongs we’ve been experimenting with.

Where they had girth and length, making them difficult to hide in your dressing gown pocket on the way to the bathroom, this is small and discreet. Could something this simple really do the job? The purpose of the bullet is to stimulate the clit with vibration – that’s all.

Hold the tip on the right spot and wait to hit 100. The first two settings are very intense, I felt more like I was being tickled than turned on, but fortunately there are seven vibration settings you can work your way through. The later, more pulsating ones, are more my vibe.

Overall, however, I can’t help feeling I’ve moved beyond this approach. A bullet feels like a beginner toy – BUT I’m totally on board for this as a portable travel option, or if you want something very discreet to keep in your handbag for orgasm emergencies. And extra points for the pretty colour!

Angela, 42 – mother of many humans, wife to a mighty fine guy, finally getting on the self-pleasure band wagon

On the positive side, it’s small and compact and easy to carry around in your bag if you were so inclined.”

Much like the physical appearance of the bullet, this review will be short! This toy didn’t hit the spot for me and I really don’t have much I can say about it at all.

It’s fiddly and not overly enjoyable to place it where it needs to be for me. The vibrating setting is more tickle than vibrate and is just kind of annoying as opposed to pleasant. The sound of it is very similar to that of mosquito buzzing around, which means you spend half your time trying to avoid the phantom bugs in your room rather than lying back to relax and enjoy.

Perhaps it’s something to do with the multitude of children I have birthed and my lack of anything remotely resembling a pelvic floor these days, but it literally felt like it was going to slide out at any second and frankly, when it finally did, I wasn’t overly upset.

On the positive side, it’s small and compact and easy to carry around in your bag if you were so inclined. But otherwise, that’s about the limit of anything really glowing I can say about the bullet. This one will be going back under the bed!

Brought to you by Adulttoymegastore, New Zealand’s number-one sex toy retailer and proudly Kiwi owned and operated.

Use CAPSULE10 for 10% off at adulttoymegastore.co.nz

Well aren’t the vibes *immaculate*!

This month, we come bearing gifts! If you like what you read, Adulttoymegastore are offering you the Share Satisfaction Waterproof Vibrating Bullet for free (just pay shipping and handling!). 

Use the code FREEME19 at checkout at adulttoymegastore.co.nz to claim your free vibe and thank us later. 

(You can find the terms and conditions here

Learn everything there is to know about bullet vibes with sex educator Emma Hewitt from Adulttoymegastore:

A guide to buying your first sex toy | The Spinoff

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