Don’t want a divorce in 2025? There’s plenty you can do to keep your relationship healthy and strong, but, in particular there is one thing you can do that will make the biggest difference (according to a Divorce Coach who has seen hundreds, maybe thousands of divorces now).
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We’re in the busiest month of the year for Bridgette Jackson, divorce coach at Equal Exes. Yes, as we’ve discussed a few times now on Capsule, January is the biggest month of the year for couples deciding to divorce. They may have limped through December (the most stressful month of the year for many!), put on a happy face for Christmas for the kids, and then hit a wall in January.
But Bridgette says one of the hardest parts of her job can be helping women (and men!) through their divorces, knowing that they may very well not have had to get to this point if they had of done a few things differently in their marriage. There’s one thing she’s seen that makes for a stronger union, and something those who end up in her offices haven’t done.
She says good communication is the key to a good marriage.
“The one thing a couple can do to keep communication open and remain aligned is to have regular relationship check-ins, which can be fun,” she says. “I call this a Relationship WOF, and depending on their circumstances, they can do it as often as needed. It could be once a month or every few months. Revisiting your relationship and personal goals together is a good way to return to a common viewpoint or to ‘get back on the same page’.”
Bridgette says there are five key reasons why a regular check-in or a Relationship WOF is so effective – and, in her opinion, essential. She says a regular WOF is vital because:
- It promotes open communication and the time to focus on feelings and concerns and share what is working.
- It can identify issues early on before they become conflicts or create negativity and unbalance the relationship.
- Promotes and enhances the emotional connection.
- Spending time together to focus on the goals as a couple and individually will bring you both back to the aligned path.
- It encourages mutual understanding of each other’s perspectives and recent influences, promoting a greater understanding and connection.
- It allows a couple to resolve conflicts and reach a common viewpoint in a low-stress environment.
- Encourages connection and accountability for the health of the relationship.
- It allows for regular reflection on the relationship’s growth and challenges while evaluating the dynamics.
So, what happens in a Relationship WOF? You might want to include a few different questions to your list, but set aside a bit of time to do this (don’t jump into one if you’re in the middle of an argument!), plan in advance when you’re going to do it. The more often you do them, the more comfortable and fun they’ll become.
Here are a few questions Bridgette suggests asking:
- What do you do to make me happy that you do not really like?
- How do you know you are loved and appreciated?
- What do you think we could do to make our relationship better?
- How are you dealing with the stress?
- How often do you think we should be having sex?
- What do you love most about me?
- What is our top priority as a couple? Does it need to change?
- How are we with conflict resolution?
- Are we each getting enough time on our own to recharge?
- What are your non-negotiable needs in our relationship?
- Have you changed your hopes or wants for our life together?
- What are our financial priorities / do our financial priorities and goals need to change? [I recommend leaving budgeting and financial planning out of a Relationship WOF, to be done another time.]
- What does our retirement look like for you?
- Are we spending enough time on our relationship? If not, what can we do about it?
- How can we keep our bodies moving and minds active?