Our story about the motherhood penalty got a HUGE response from our readers. In Part 2, we talk to two women who are beyond frustrated about how the motherhood penalty has affected them. Prepare to feel LIVID!
Bailey*, a 34-year-old from Auckland, has children aged four and two. She was working for a recruitment company when she took 10 months of maternity leave after having her first baby. “They wanted me back as quickly as possible.”
She initially came back three days a week, phasing back into full-time. “They said ‘we’ll allow you flexible hours, but if your child gets sick, you must make up the hours’.”
“Before I took maternity leave, we’d had a plan for me to start managing my team once I returned. I’d done a leadership-development course, and I’d already trained one team member and been managing that person. But when I came back, they’d ‘decided on a change of direction for the team’. They even took away the person I’d managed.”
“It was a real step back. I felt completely blindsided. Angry, frustrated, betrayed.”
“I think – well, I know – that if I hadn’t gone on maternity leave, I would have become manager of the team. Instead, I was confused about what I should do next, now that there would be no progression into management. Hell, that was what I’d planned my career around!”
She also felt disrespected personally. “I thought, ‘I’ve worked so hard for you for some time – why is this is happening to me?’.”
Bailey wrote a letter to the two directors of the company. “I explained my frustrations. It wasn’t a rude letter – it was just saying I felt really disappointed because what I was expecting to happen now isn’t happening, so I don’t know where I stand.
“The letter went down like a lead balloon. Attitudes towards me changed.” The director to whom Bailey reported scheduled a meeting with her. “She said sorry I felt that way I did, and they’d support me to stay or go. But the other director ignored me from then on. She blanked me every time I saw her.”
Bailey found another job. She had her second child, and returned to work after six months of maternity leave. After a while, the business encountered some challenges.“Because I was working part-time, I was the first person made redundant.” (Of course, she was working part-time BECAUSE she was a mother.)
“Legally they have to do ‘a consultation process’. You’ve got to come up with ways to potentially save money and save your job. Having to say, ‘oh, please save me’ is humiliating. I said ‘OK, maybe I could do fewer hours or I could take a pay cut?’. They said neither option would save enough money. Then I said ‘you know what? Just let me go’. I thought ‘f**k you guys’.”
Bailey gave up the career she’d loved, moving into a much-lower-paid field. “I felt it wasn’t feasible to work for someone else and also be a good mum.” She’s now self-employed, working from home 30 hours a week.
“I completely, 100% was hit by the motherhood penalty. If I hadn’t had children, I’d be working in recruitment. I’d be further along in that career and earning a lot more.”
“Back in the day, a man working one job could sustain a family financially. Now you need two incomes to survive financially. Yet there’s still this expectation that the woman looks after the children.”
“I have a wonderful husband, but after I went back to work, it was me who picked the kids up and me who stayed home when they were sick. I did it because I worked part-time.” Again, she was working part-time BECAUSE she had children.
“Also, if you’re allowed to work part-time, the expectation is that you’ll still do as much as you did when fulltime. My output was the same when I was full-time as when I was part-time.” She thinks the ‘mothers get less done at work’ argument is bollocks. “Mothers are often actually more efficient.”
If Bailey had a message for employers, what would it be? “If you’re going to allow flexible work, allow actual flexibility. Both places I worked at were only flexible to a degree. But as a mum, you have to choose your kids first. You shouldn’t have to choose.”
Back in the day, a man working one job could sustain a family financially. Now you need two incomes to survive financially. Yet there’s still this expectation that the woman looks after the children.
Mel*, 41, worked in a high-level leadership role in Europe, and returned to New Zealand six years ago. A single mother, she got a job in a Wellington organisation.
Mel had to talk them into letting her work both full-time and flexibly. “If you want a flexible arrangement, employers tend to say you should be working part-time, even if you’ll be getting just as much work done.”
She picks up her daughter from school three days a week, and makes up the hours in the evenings. Colleagues can be thoughtless. “They organise a meeting at school-pickup time, then they get frustrated with you. It’s like, ‘why can’t you schedule something before 3pm?’. ‘Small things’ like this all add up.”
“I’m good at juggling things, but I’ve found it harder to get opportunities. I feel I’ve been blocked from doing high-level projects. My boss said ‘you’re taking care of your kid so we’ll take it easy on you and give this responsibility to another person’. A colleague said, ‘you don’t need to get involved in this project because we can’t depend on you to be there’. I feel like saying ‘why are you making these decisions on my behalf?’. Man, just ask me if I can manage it or not! At least then it would be my decision.”
“Instead, as a mother, you’re disadvantaged through that loss of your agency. Instead of people saying ‘how can we help you succeed?’, you get overlooked. Also, the person who got the opportunity that you didn’t get is more likely to get the next one.”
When the organisation did a restructure, Mel applied for a job that was very similar to what she’d been doing. “But I didn’t even get an interview for it! They didn’t even choose someone in the first round and re-advertised the role. So now they have a team [of leaders] who don’t have children so are dynamic and dedicated to their work! But it’s like, ‘hello, I’m also dynamic and dedicated to my work!’.”
Mel’s employer gave her a more junior role. “I was effectively demoted. Being overlooked in that way – I thought, ‘am I terrible at my job?’ or ‘am I acting too entitled?’. But honestly I can’t put any of this down to merit.”
She puts this down to the motherhood penalty, and the misconception that motherhood negatively affects women’s work.
“As a mother, yes you’re busy, a bit tired sometimes, and maybe you look less well put-together, but that doesn’t mean you’re struggling with your work or are any less dedicated.”
Now she’s earning much less than she used to, and isn’t saving anywhere near as much as she’d like. She sees pay as a secondary factor, caused by a stalled career.
“Actually, my career hasn’t just stalled – it’s gone backwards. It’s appalling. Mind-blowing. I’m gutted about what’s happened to my career. I’m an ambitious person and I’ve had to step away from my ambition.”
“It gets under your skin. Then you think ‘oh well, what can I even do about it?’. I’m a little boat sailing along on a great voyage, then a storm happens and I have to adjust my sails and continue on. But how do I adapt and move forward?”
“I’ve talked to other mothers about this. It’s really hard to go to your boss and say ‘I’ve got a kid now but I’m still a really capable person. I can make arrangements, and still do my job well’.” Mel didn’t feel she could do that. “Maybe I should have been more assertive.”
She’s not shocked that men who become fathers actually earn more. “Fathers are held up as superheroes. Meanwhile, where’s the acknowledgement of mothers being incredible people to do everything they do?”
Mel says change is needed at a societal level.
“In my job overseas, I had experience recruiting people and I got rigorous training in understanding ethics, diversity and unconscious bias. New Zealand was the first country in the world to give women the vote, yet I haven’t seen any upstanding work environments that support mothers. It’s disappointing to see.”
“When I look at how workplace decisions are made around women with children, it’s so far from a level playing field. It’s just been International Women’s Day and it’s just been lip-service. Why aren’t we talking about the difficult issues and what we can do about them?”
*Look out for future stories on the motherhood penalty, including what some solutions might be. If you have thoughts or ideas, email hello@capsulenz.com!