If you’re nursing a broken heart right now, we’re sending you all our love – plus, the best advice we have for how to heal heartbreak. We put the call out to Capsule readers who’ve been through the absolute worst of it, and here is their advice for the one thing that might just make you feel a hell of a lot better!
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Heartbreak is the absolute pits. If you, or someone you know is in the depths of it right now, we’re sending all our love and sympathies. We’ve also got some stellar advice about what might help. Whether you’re seeking to enact revenge (we have one of the most unhinged – but likely highly successful!? – ideas we’ve ever heard), make peace with what’s happened, or just dull down that ache inside, here’s the best pieces of advice about the one thing you could try, that might just help!
“I write a list of everything bad about the relationship and all the things he did to piss me off/be mean/whatever was wrong in the situation. When we’re grieving a relationship we’re often thinking about all the good things, with rose tinted glasses – all the things we’ve lost. But, it’s good to have a reminder on hand of all the things they did wrong that make you much better off without them in your life!”
Andy
“I saw this one online and used it when my boyfriend of FIVE years cheated on me with one of my friends (seriously). When I moved out (he owned the house), the last time I was there by myself I got a spray bottle and filled it with milk. Then I went around the house spraying it on everything – the couch, the carpets, the curtains, pillows, blankets, all through the hot water cupboard… everywhere until I ran out of milk. It was the middle of summer. It would have soon reeked to high heaven and he wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint where the smell was coming from! That made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.”
“Melissa”
“Honestly?! Just get under someone else. Crass, I know. But it works.”
Kate
“Get a hobby. When my husband and I broke up I learned Spanish and threw all my time into that. Five years later I went to Argentina. Two years ago I married my new Argentinian lover. Best decision ever.”
Frances
“Get a good therapist.”
Melanie
“I think about my life in stages. I think about winter versus summer. I think about how scared I was going from primary school to intermediate. How scared I was leaving school. Moving to a new country. Starting a new job. Change is really hard and reminding yourself of all the changes you’ve been through really helps.”
Billie
“Lean into it – eat all the icecream and drink all the red wine and sing along to Alanis Morrisette and Adele. Lean on your friends. The faster you feel it all, the faster you’ll move on.”
Alice
“Reframe your thinking: what you’re going through is grief. You’re grieving a relationship. Once you start thinking of it as grief and follow that process it can make you look at it differently and feel more validated in all the feelings you’re processing.”
Marnie
“Go no contact. Take them out of your phone so you don’t accidentally call or text them – and so you can’t keep reading through your old messages. Don’t look at the social media pages. You need a break to heal.”
Kate
“When my husband and I broke up I immediately bought a dog. He never wanted one, but I always did. My pup is a much better companion.”
Julie
“Write a letter. DON’T SEND IT TO THEM THOUGH. Write down everything you’d like to tell them – EVERYTHING. Then burn it. It’s very cathartic.”
Kelly
“I immediately went to the doctor and got something to help me sleep the first few weeks after we divorced. It definitely helped. I know I am a mess on no sleep, so didn’t want to risk not sleeping and then feeling so much worse.”
Penny
“I always leave town. Once I drove from Welly up to Auckland to stay with a friend for the weekend. Another time I spontaneously booked a grabaseat flight to Bali for a week on my own. Getting out of my usual routine helps. And travelling helps – it’s the great equalizer.”
Charlotte
“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Just put one foot in front of the other. It’s going to be hard for a while but one day, you’ll suddenly realise you’re not just putting one foot in front of the other anymore, you’re actually living.”
Paula
“Do something nice for yourself – get your nails done, get a haircut etc to make yourself feel good. Just don’t do anything drastic to your hair!! Now is not the time to cut a bob or a fringe, or both! Trust me!!!”
Josie
“If you have kids together, get a couple of proper friends who you can call on and vent to whenever you have to for the first bit. You don’t want to complain to your kids about what is happening. And, it can be tempting to tell him all the worst things you could possibly say to him, but you’re going to have to still see him. Find out which friends you can lean on. Get a good therapist! See a divorce coach!”
Petra
