This Friday is Daffodil Day, and to honour this important day – and the 1 in 3 Kiwis who will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetimes – we speak to Cancer Society psychologist Elise Buttenshaw about how a cancer diagnosis affects someone and how to support someone diagnosed with cancer, in the short and long term.
For Elise Buttenshaw, a psychologist for the Cancer Society Auckland Northland branch, her job is to help those who have been diagnosed with cancer, and the people around them. Both of those groups are wider than you might imagine; the cancer doesn’t have to be recent, with Elise saying that she can be referred someone who has been diagnosed yesterday, or someone who went through treatment 10 years ago. The emotions are different, but the impact remains.
It is estimated that when someone is diagnosed with cancer, the impact of that diagnosis is felt by up to 200 people.
And it is the same with the effect on the community around someone who has been diagnosed with cancer. The statistic from the Cancer Society is that 1 in 3 New Zealanders will be diagnosed with cancer – but the ripple effect of a diagnosis spans much, much wider. It is estimated that when someone is diagnosed with cancer, the impact of that diagnosis is felt by up to 200 people – that’s how significant the ripple effect is.
In light of Daffodil Day this week, we wanted to talk to Elise about the impact of a cancer diagnosis on someone – both in the immediate aftermath, and further down the track, as well as how we can support both them and their wider community.
How A Cancer Diagnosis Can Affect Someone In The Short Term
Shock, fear and anxiety are often the initial reactions someone goes through when they are diagnosed with cancer. “They’re also feeling overwhelmed, because it all happens quite quickly when a diagnosis comes in,” Elise says. “Suddenly they’re whisked away for lots and lots of appointments, they’re given a treatment schedule. Sometimes it can feel like the body gets taken away and the brain is left behind.”
The impact of a cancer diagnosis is coupled with the fact that a lot of decisions have to be made quickly, all of which have to be made by a person who is now in crisis mode.
“When you’re in that stage of shock, your brain is not really taking in new information,” Elise says. “You’re thinking centres are kind of shut down… you’re very much in survival brain, your emotional brain.”
As well as decisions regarding treatment, there are also an entirely different set of logistical problems to deal with as well. What will happen to their job, what will happen to their children, who will look after their pets, how will they get places. Who is going to fill the gaps in their life now that they are about to be taken out of action for weeks or months on end. “Early diagnosis just interferes with every part of life,” she says. Her job is to help them process the shock and fear and start being able to see a way forward in the short term.
How To Help Someone Who Has Just Experienced A Cancer Diagnosis
Never underestimate, Elise says, the power of asking. People worry too much about saying the wrong thing, so they say nothing. That only compounds the isolation this person is now feeling, someone who already feels like they now exist on a different planet than everyone else. “One great suggestion I had from a patient recently is ‘think of everything you’ve done in the past 12 months’ as a starting point to help: what needs to be done to your house? Can I pick up the kids? Can I come around, and we just hang out,” Elise says. “We tend to overcomplicate it. Just try and meet that person at the human level, and don’t shy away from it.”
What It’s Like For A Person Who Has Finished Their Cancer Treatment
Once a patient is out of the initial diagnosis phase and is through their cancer treatment, Elise says there is a huge period of re-engagement that can sometimes need to happen. Cancer has taken them out of the loop of daily life – people get married, change jobs, have children, move houses, all in the same period of time when they’ve just been trying to live. “Life continues for people around you, but it’s almost like it’s stopped for you, even though time has moved on,” Elise says. “A lot of people feel like they have to catch up.”
Some people, of course, feel euphoric about finishing treatment and view it as a second chance of life – they change jobs, they end relationships, they focus on what they want to do next. But there can also be a surprising kick start of anxiety that comes in after treatment has finished. “They’re often dealing with fear of reoccurrence,” Elise says. “Often, they’re monitored for three months, then six months, then a year – and then it might stop. But when you’re being monitored, it can feel like a security blanket.”
“When there’s no monitoring going on, that’s when some people struggle with hyper-vigilance around symptoms and health anxiety, as well. That can take away a lot from the enjoyment of life.”
There can also be a limbo that follows treatment – particularly for women and their hormones – as the body settles back into a new normal, after going through such a brutal experience. Cancer can also feel like the ultimate betrayal from a body you still have to live in, Elise says. “Developing cancer feels like something their body has done to them, or that they have done to themselves. There can be a lot of self-beating, so self-worth and self-image is a huge issue.”
How To Help Someone Who Has Finished Cancer Treatment
It’s very similar to the previous advice be there, offer and ask, says Elise. “I talk about finding that one safe person with clients. The research says that if you have one person to be safe and vulnerable with, that’s hugely protective.”
Support the Supporters
As Elise points out, their belief is that one cancer diagnosis impacts up to 200 people – so that is a lot of people that need someone to debrief with. Maybe the cancer diagnosis reminds them of their own experiences, or that of a loved one. Maybe it’s a future they fear. Being able to talk about it – without judgment or even needing a solution – is key for mental health.
It’s one of the tools Elise herself uses – her job, after all, is meeting people where they’re at in their cancer journey and some appointments can be particularly confronting or upsetting. “If I read a referral and I’m thinking, ‘oh, this could be a hard session,’ I will talk about it with a colleague first. So, they’ll know about it and afterwards, they’ll come in and check in on me. We all check in with each other and talk with each other.”
Daffodil Day donations can be made online at www.daffodilday.org.nz, at any branch of the ANZ bank, and look out for volunteer street collectors on Daffodil Day, Friday 30 August.
