Is it better to know all the birth horror stories and different things you might experience in the third trimester – or is it better to just keep things positive and keep some blissful ignorance? Or is there a right balance that can be struck? Kim is dancing between the different sides. Tom’s joined her in LA, and they’re making birth plans – do you have any advice?
We’re very excited here at Capsule to have Kimberley join us every fortnight as she brings us along for the ride of her very exciting pregnancy.
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Ok, I have spent the last week very intentionally watching positive birth stories and there is a reason for it. I have found myself dancing between ignorance is bliss and full-on fear mongering myself.
Do I want to know all the possible things that could go wrong and that I should be aware of, or if I know those things are possible will I then visualise them happening and create a self fulfilling prophecy? Or do I want to lean into complete ignorance which feels good now but then am I setting myself up for panic mode if I am somewhat unprepared?
Let me rewind a bit and set the scene. I am feeling great. I have mild discomfort in my hips but nothing more than a three out of 10 and I am adjusting to having a belly and navigating that. But overall, I have energy, I am able to sleep and I feel in awe of what my body is doing.
However when I have shared this with others who ask, my positive experience is often met with “enjoy it while it lasts” or “just you wait” or “wait till the third trimester hits”. All of which I know is true, possibly true or more likely true, but I do wonder if they aren’t exactly in line with the supportive women empowerment, women supporting women ethos we all say we are striving for?
I don’t know the answer here. I am just reflecting on my own experience and wanted to talk about it a bit. Does me having a good second trimester rob or shame women who had a difficult one? I hope not. I am not gloating nor am I taking away any of their pain or suffering, but I have had friends who had great pregnancies and still caveated their stories with “I would never tell anyone that, as so many people struggle.”
I guess I am sharing this because it feels like the type of pregnancy and birthing experience is sometimes framed as something the mother can control, whereas from everything I have read it is not really. It is a combination of genetics, environment and a whole lot of mystery.
So all that to say, I am knocking on the door of this “dreaded” third trimester and I am going to try really hard over the next week or so to embrace the feeling good season. If it really is over soon I don’t want to have robbed myself of enjoying it out of the looming fear that it will all be over soon.
Something that has also shifted this week is that Tom is here in LA with me. I know our situation, while normal for us, is not overly common. Newly married couples who are pregnant don’t often spend so much of the pregnancy journey apart. But with the careers we have chosen, chasing dreams and chasing work, distance has been part of our reality. And while it does come with challenges, we have a good attitude about it and knew we would get lots of quality one on one time together over the next month here in LA.
We kicked off the week with a joint hypnobirthing session over Zoom with my hypnotherapist Bec, to work on some breathing techniques that help us relax and tap into calm as a tool to practice. Something we can have in our back pocket during birth and in life when things feel stressful. We also talked about Tom being the keeper of the cave during birth, helping empower him to set the environment up for success, pending what we agree that will look like for us both.
That is probably the biggest piece of the puzzle we need to get on the same page with. What we want or intend the process to look like in the third trimester, in birth and post birth. With so many elements that will shift and change and be unpredictable, what are some things we are setting up so we are aligned when it comes to visitors, labouring, pain thresholds, support and all the rest. If anyone has navigated this well and has tips for ensuring you and your partner are on the same page I would love to hear them, and I am sure all the other expectant mums following along would too.
I sit more on the “woo woo” side of things than Tom, so finding a balance and setting some guidelines for us both before we are in a stressful space feels key.
We also got to hear baby’s heartbeat and get my belly measured when I went in for my second gestational diabetes test. Because I did it at 21 weeks in NZ they said I needed to do it again around the 26 week mark to check things are still on track. Now that I am feeling slightly more movement, and Tom got to feel a kick, I feel good knowing baby is progressing. It’s a gift I wish we could give all early pregnancy mums, when so much is so unknown.
I must also shout out the By Natalie pregnancy pillow, and my husband who flew it from NZ for me even given its size. I love it. It is pretty, soft and has helped me sleep in comfort the past two nights.
And the most fun and interesting thing I would love to talk more about is perineal massage. Did anyone do this? Is it a real thing as in does it work and help prevent tearing? I haven’t yet spoken to a pelvic floor specialist but I am super keen to dive into what you can do in the third trimester to support a vaginal birth should that option be available to me, and in the recovery and healing process too.
I also watched some aggressive stretching videos online that I was not too sure about so I figured I would come here and ask a professional to speak into this experience haha.
As always thank you to all those reaching out, sharing, contributing and sending me suggestions, people to connect with and tips and tricks you have learnt or would do differently. I read everything and I am really enjoying living in the curiosity of it all.
Much love,
K
