Still exhausted and stressed in January? The run up to Christmas can be brutal, and it stands to reason that taking the standard two weeks off for Christmas/New Year just isn’t enough to recharge our batteries. Here’s how other women are feeling right now, plus advice from Dr Lucy Hone and Dr Libby about how to actually overcome the overwhelm and exhaustion.
“You’ve just got to make it to December 19,” I told myself, again and again.
I’d been quietly saying it to myself for weeks – if not months. All I needed to do was keep putting one foot in front of the other until the 19th. Because then, THEN, I was getting a two-week break and surely a little time off would fix everything?!
After a holiday I surely wouldn’t feel tired, my brain would feel sharper, any stress would have disappeared and obviously my shoulders wouldn’t feel all knotted up anymore. I just had to get through the mountain of work (and personal life admin) to be able to finish work on Dec 19 and then I would feel, well, fabulous.
Of course, dear reader, this is not what happened.
Anyone with half an experience of being a human – particularly one that involves being the parent of small children – would know that the days before Christmas are no walk in the park. Yes, Christmas is absolutely my favourite time of year, but, heck, those days are certainly not summer vacation, ‘park yourself at the beach with a bevvie’ kind of days.
No, there’s inevitably going to be last minute shopping trips to be made, a function or two for the kids, plates to bring, at least a couple of kid meltdowns, presents to wrap in secrecy, multiple supermarket visits, a freaking elf to tend to, friends and family to visit, food prep, packing to be done (if for some unknown reason past you thought it’d be a good idea to go on a roadtrip on Boxing Day!?!?) – and then, perhaps some “fun” extra activities like booking tickets to see Santa on Christmas Eve (I do not recommend it) or buying a car like a lunatic on December 23 (because you hadn’t been able to find time to do it earlier and you needed it for that darned trip you booked for Dec 26). Oh, and then there’s Christmas Day spent driving across the furthest points of Auckland to visit three different houses and all followed up with a week of rain. Such relaxation!
Phew, okay, I’m taking a deep breath here because just reliving that sent my heartrate skyrocketing. But my point is, if you returned to work this year not feeling like you’re firing on all cylinders, and without your batteries being fully recharged, you’re very much not alone. There is a little battle-weary army of us.
In a very scientific poll (ok yes, we just asked y’all on Instagram and a few hundred of you answered) only 20% of Capsule readers said they feel recharged and relaxed after the Christmas break.
Fifty-one percent said they feel better than December, but not great. A concerning 26% said they felt just as tired as in that mad dash towards Christmas.
Capsule reader Kate says she feels more exhausted than ever. “The run up to Christmas was brutal,” she says. “I got two weeks off, yes, but I’m sure I worked those two weeks in overtime in the lead up to Christmas. Plus, all the stress of end-of-year kid and school stuff – and Christmas itself was so busy. And I still am stressed and busy. The kids aren’t in school for another freaking week! The worst part is, I’m so tired and now I’m not expected to take a holiday anytime in the near future.”
“In a word? I’m exhausted,” says Mary. “The two weeks off I had were filled with rain and busyness and Christmas stress and a beach holiday we had to evacuate from. Juggling the kids during the holidays is insane, I don’t know how other families do it and why we aren’t all screaming about it? We’ve been shuttling them between school holiday programmes, or they’ve had play days with a couple of other kids – we parents all take turns taking a day off to look after a group of them. It’s bloody exhausting? If one more person sends me an email saying ‘I trust you’re feeling rested and recharged after a lovely summer break,’ I’m probably going to combust.”
Dr Libby says she’s seen this – women returning to work in January still feeling exhausted – play out many a times in her practice.
“In my clinical experience, this is so incredibly common, so if you find yourself here, know you’re not alone,” she says.
The problem is, so many NZ women spend December dragging themselves to the finish line, risking burnout, to get through the busyness the end of year brings. And then, we expect a two-week break is going to cure all our ills.
Part of the problem is, a lot us have actually forgotten how to truly relax (or, we have small children to tend to who make it impossible to even finish a thought?).
If this is you right now, and you’re feeling exhausted, the good news is, there are plenty of things that can help, many of which are free to implement (although really, the best must surely be booking solo flights to go to a Bali retreat or something!?!).
Pulling yourself back from the Burnout Brink
Burnout is not a destination you want to find you have arrived at. (We’ve written a lot about burnout in the past, so if you are worried you’ve crossed over to the burnout phase, please do head here!). Before you end up there, now is the time to act, to bring some more calm and joy to your life.
If you’ve been putting on everyone else’s oxygen mask before your own, now is the time to take a serious look at your own needs and health – both physical and mental.
Many of us squirrel away our annual leave days for the school holidays, but, would it be possible for you to use a few days FOR YOU? When my shoulder knots are getting their knottiest, I book in a day for me. Maybe I’ll go to the Cordis spa (a weekday massage is cheaper than the weekend, and you can use the saunas/pool before/after your treatment – why not make it the day. You hang out by the pool, get a lounger and read a book, hit the sauna and repeat. Then get your massage. It feels like you could be overseas at a resort?). It’s so important to have a circuit breaker when all you’ve really been doing is going from work stress, to having kids yell “mum, mum, MUUUUUM” at you for hours on end.
Dr Lucy Hone, Director of The New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing and Resilience is full of great suggestions for getting your life back on track at this time of year, and finding the calm you so very much deserve. Here’s a few of her top tips:
- Recharge Your Tank
“Sit down and write a list of people who you really do want to see, who will help fill you up. And work out what the things are that you want to do this summer that will really recharge your batteries. Sit there with your cup of coffee and your pen and think ‘Okay, what and who are going to bring me joy, hope, inspiration, curiosity, pride, serenity and laughs this summer?’ All of these positive emotions are important for your psychological piggy bank, so notice if you are, or aren’t, getting them.” - Plan for the year ahead
“Every January, I come back from holiday and I get my wall chart out for work and I get out a second wall chart out for fun. What works for you, what makes you feel good and like you’ve had a break, and you’ve got away from the frantic lives we all lead? The best years start with good planning in January.” - Leave your phone off
“At weekends (and when I’m on holiday), I like to get away from everyone apart from the people I’m with at the time. It does mean that I end up with less photos – and capturing those photos is good for your mental health. But posting them on Instagram and then scrolling through, seeing what everyone else is doing – and possibly having a better time than you – is not good for your mental health. So, lose touch with your phone; know that the people you are with, and the things you are doing, are enough.”
But wait, I did have a nice holiday break. So why am I so exhausted?
If you did take some good time off over the Christmas/summer break where you really did relax and unwind, Dr Libby suggests it may be time to quietly listen to what your body may be trying to tell you.
“It’s important to remember that your body doesn’t have a voice. It can’t tell you with words that it needs something to change, and so it communicates with you through symptoms. If you do genuinely rest for two weeks (because I would also suggest that many people have lost touch with what true downtime is) and you still feel exhausted at the end of that, your body is trying to tell you that it needs more support.”
Dr Libby suggests starting with the basic foundations.
“Are you nourishing and hydrating yourself adequately? Are you iron deficient (or do you need to get this tested)? Are you prioritising sleep and rest? Are you moving your body often? Could your internal world – your mind and your emotional landscape – do with some support?
“Sometimes it’s as simple as adding an extra serve or two of vegetables to your daily plate. Other times, some further investigation is required. It can be helpful to take yourself off to the GP and get some routine blood tests done. Check your iron status; zinc, vitamin D and vitamin B12 can also be helpful. Thyroid health and insulin resistance are other avenues worth exploring.”
Whatever you do here out, remember to make time for YOU. With Valentine’s approaching, maybe it’s finally time to show yourself the love.
