Monday, August 15, 2022

Ever Made a DIY Bubbles in a SodaStream? YOU’RE NOT ALONE! The Weird NZ Wine Habits Revealed and a Wine Enthusiast Asks: Am I More Bogan Than I Thought?

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A survey has truly revealed the depths and depravities of Aotearoa’s wine habits, and it causes big cheeky vino fan Kelly Bertrand to really question her own class level

I’m going to preface this yarn with the fact that I am and never have been under any illusions vis-à-vis my classiness.

Along with most of my fellow basic bitches, who at this moment are either counting the minutes until rosé-o’clock or standing in line at Kmart buying pantry organisation containers, my level of overall elegance sits around the middle, with both upward and downward fluctuations depending on how many wines I’ve had, how much food is in front of me and whether or not I’m at a wedding and Wagon Wheel is playing.

But as I scrolled down a recently released survey that reveals, in quite intimate detail, some of New Zealand’s most, er, heartland wine habits, I’m equal parts horrified and comforted by the fact that baby, we’re all as bad as each other. But I might just be a little worse. I mean, you decide.

The Most ‘Interesting’ NZ Wine Habits:

‘Five per cent of Kiwis have tried to make wine bubbly in a SodaStream’

Have I done It? Um, yes, and I won’t be shamed on this because when you’ve finished your fancy bottle of bubbly but you’re still vibing the fizz, it seems like a great idea at the time (God that could really be New Zealand’s unofficial slogan couldn’t it… It Seemed Like a Great Idea at the Time.) I’d like to point out I was very aware it wouldn’t be ‘bubbly’ as such, but hey – a lot of the world’s best products have come from mistakes. Right?! (Yeah ok it did NOT taste good).

‘89% have bought a bottle of wine just because the label looked stylish’

Have I done it? Of course I have and those 11 per cent of people who said no are lying.

’11% of Kiwis have warmed up wine in the microwave/oven’

Have I done it? Duh – how else are you supposed to have wine when you’re sick? In all seriousness though, it’s a good call when someone puts the red wine in the fridge accidentally. Also, if you have an absolutely HORRIFIC drop, it can, for some weird reason, make it taste a little better (also whizzing it through a blender can help with this too. Better living, everyone). A NZ wine habit we can all get behind?!

‘51% have added ice cubes to cool down their white wine’

Have I done it? Legit thought everyone did this. I’m sorry but rosé needs to be ICE cold to enjoy it properly. Change my mind.

‘54% have Googled the price of a bottle of wine they’ve been gifted’

Have I done it? Um. No? *Looks around shiftily*

67% have snuck wine into a place they shouldn’t have’

Have I done it? Um. No? *Looks around even more shiftily* (But I mean come ON you can’t charge me $16 for rosé at a festival and expect me NOT to)

’16% have mixed wine with soft drink’

Have I done it? I ACTUALLY haven’t – my South African pals tell me a red wine and a Coke is a bit of a thing? My initial thoughts are ‘God that’s repulsive’ but you’ve come this far down in the story, so I shan’t be a hypocrite.

Some other wine confessions from the Winefriend survey, which polled 1400 Kiwis: (% yes)

  • Bought wine that they couldn’t pronounce – 84% (come on, you try pronouncing Gewurztraminer after a few)
  • Bought wine just because it was plastered with shiny medals and awards – 81%
  • Felt overwhelmed trying to choose wine in a supermarket or wine store – 63%
  • Faked wine knowledge to impress someone – 17% (every wine tour, baby)
  • Tried refilling an expensive bottle of wine with cheaper one – 2%
  • Think they can taste the difference between cheap wine and expensive wine – 72%
  • Felt intimidated by restaurant wine lists – 37%
  • Felt nervous when asked to taste wine they’ve chosen at a restaurant – 42%
  • Sent a bottle of wine back at a restaurant – 39% (Omg I would never, I don’t think millennials can do this?!)

And as for our favourite wine, there’s no surprise that for the reds, our beloved Pinot Noir comes out on top as 33% of people’s highest-rated, followed by Syrah (16%) and Merlot (6%).

But the REAL shock is that the nation’s jewel in the NZ wine crown, our hallowed Sauvingnon Blanc, has lost its top spot – for the whites, it’s Chardonnay all day at 30% (did they only survey middle-aged women called Carol!?) with Sav coming in at 16% and Pinot Gris at 9 per cent.

Apparently 55% of us are ‘adventurous’ when it comes to wine drinking, and 34% of us reckon Central Otago is the best wine region, followed by Hawke’s Bay (27%) and Marlborough (22%).

Sixteen per cent of us drink daily, while more than half of respondents enjoy a glass of wine between three to five times a week (wooo that’s me).

So there you go – a nation’s wine habits laid bare. Cheers guys (and good luck to all the SodaStreams).

*And for God’s sake, drink responsibly

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