Capsule co-founder Kelly is getting married next year (yup, miracles happen, kids!) and even though she’s dreamt about this day since she could wear a pillowcase as a veil, the planning and build-up hasn’t been quite what she expected – for better and for worse. From finding the perfect wedding dress and the whole vibe of wedding dress shopping, budgeting decisions and skincare prep through to the big emotional stuff that comes with becoming someone’s wife, it’s a wild time. She’ll be sharing her thoughts (and probably pleading for advice) in the lead-up – feel free to reach out at kelly@capsulenz.com with any pearls of wisdom! In this column, it’s all about the dress – and, weirdly, some sexy firemen.
It all began with the dress.
It’s fitting really, that the first piece of the wedding prep puzzle was deciding on a dress. When I first got engaged, my immediate thoughts were – ‘yay, I get to marry the love of my life!’ but I’m not going to lie, it was quickly followed by, ‘OMG, I finally get to wear a wedding dress’.
When I was in my ‘sad’ single era (27-29 inclusive – I swear something about turning 27 just absolutely bloody train-wrecks your life!?) I’d look at photos of brides with a caustic jealousy. Wedding dresses became a symbol of sadness because, as many of us do at one time of our life or another, I was convinced I would never get to wear one. But for all of my green-eyed distain, a wedding dress and everything they represented to me – love, security, happiness – was what I wanted more than anything in the world.
Wrapping up all of these messy, ugly feelings into something so beautiful isn’t just a ‘me’ issue – lots of women have issues and thoughts and vibes that somehow, a wedding dress can represent. When my Capsule co-founder Alice got married, she too had complicated thoughts around what dress she thought she ‘should’ choose.
So when the time came to finally pick my dream dress, the experience was so much more than picking out a pretty white frock. I’m a pretty Type-A kind of girl – laid-back probably isn’t one of the first adjectives you’d use to describe me – and as someone who had a lot riding on this dress (and also someone whose favourite TV show is Say Yes to the Dress) I thought, fuck it. This is my time, and I’m damn well going to have the dress of my dreams. I figured I owed it to my past self who, for so long, was sure that the absolute magic of falling in love and finding your person wouldn’t happen for her.
It’s not just a dress. It’s a dream.
So, what happened when I went wedding dress shopping? Well, a lot – and I’m happy to say, it was one of the best days of my life.
Finding my dream wedding dress – things I learnt that I want you to know too:
As a lucky girl whose friend happens to be a wedding dress designer, I knew instantly that I wanted Katie from Hera Couture to make my gown for me. Katie’s one of those amazing people that, despite her tiny stature, has big authoritative energy – when she speaks, you listen, and when she tells you what you should be doing, you bloody well do it because she is always right. So, under her expert guidance, here’s how my experience went and what I learnt about finding the perfect wedding dress:
Try on ALL styles, not just the one you’re pretty sure you wanted
As this column has probably already demonstrated excessively, I know my way around a wedding dress. Thus, I went into my bridal appointment armed with four very candid bridesmaids, some examples of styles I liked and a firm idea in my head about what looks good on my body.
But, as *enthusiastic* as I was about my own knowledge, I knew that I also wanted to try on as many different styles as possible to know for sure what silhouette and style worked the best.
I’m a gal with curves and a tummy and a plethora of insecurities that I’m sure no-one else would notice and/or care about, so, of course, in the back of my head was the usual ‘not tight on the tummy! Maybe you should have sleeves? How low is too low for a neckline?’ chat that’s accompanied me into every fitting room since the age of 18.
But, as I tried on gown after gown – ballgown, A-line, mermaid, fit and flare, column, slinky, sheath – I was shocked at how different this ballgame is. Remember – bridal fashion is so different to normal fashion. These dresses aren’t made, they’re crafted. Most will look good on you, even if it’s not a style you’ve worn before. If I could impart just one piece of advice this is it: just give all of the styles a go. You may surprise yourself. I know I did.
Trust your consultant
There’s a huge amount of vulnerability when it comes to picking out a wedding dress – it’s a dress you’ll wear on a day where all eyes will be on you and it’s an overwhelming thought, no matter who you are. My advice? Ask your consultant what they’d put you in, and what they think you’d look fantastic in. They have all of the experience in the world and they know bridal style AND women, so odds are you’ll be in fantastic hands. I did this and I was shocked at the gown I was put in – so completely different to anything I would have put myself in but my God, I looked incredible. But more on that below.
Think about what kind of bride you want to be
This is one I never really gave much thought to when I was younger, or even in the lead-up to my appointment. Who did I want to be when I got married? Well, a jazzed-up version of myself, of course. But was I a ‘classic’ bride? A ‘fun’ bride? A ‘took a fashion risk’ bride? A ‘this is me, but the bride version’ bride? Did I want to match the venue, or not give a shit about the venue and pick the dress I loved the most? After dwelling on it for a while, I realised that I wanted to be as ‘me’ as possible, and that meant going back to what I felt the best in, but also what I wanted to represent and embody on my long-awaited day. And now, months after the selection, I’m very confident and happy in that decision.
Go with the flow… even when firemen turn up
As I’ve said, this day was bigger than picking out a dress. For one, it was a whole day spent with my four best mates in the world – we made a date out of it with lunch and drinks and a whole lot of fun – and it was one of the best days I’ve had with my friends. It was a day that I felt so special, and so grateful, and so god damned giddy.
But it wasn’t all smooth sailing, including the moment when, in my first-ever wedding dress, the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate with me still in the wedding gown. Did I expect to be standing on the side of Karangahape Road on a Saturday afternoon in a full ballgown? Hell no (although if there was ever a road to be stranded in a wedding dress on, it’s that one – VERY supportive onlookers). I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that while this frock was loooovely, it wasn’t what I ended up with!
But there was also a moment I wasn’t expecting when I was trying on gown after gorgeous gown – personal growth. As I’ve said, wedding dress shopping is a vulnerable time and, as you might have picked up on, I’d built it up to quite the big thing. Thankfully for me, I found my dream dress that ticked all the boxes and I had *that* bridal feeling in – strong, confident, beautiful, me – but even if I hadn’t, I still would have won the day.
There was a moment where I was in a dress that was picked out for me that made me look impossibly skinny, thanks to a hidden corset, some clever draping and what I can only assume is white witchcraft, and looking in the mirror was like turning the clock back to when I was 27 – a few dress sizes smaller and hell, I’m but a woman, and I was initially THRILLED.
But when I looked deeper, I realised that ‘shit, I looked like I was 27 again.’ Sure, I looked skinny again and for a fleeting moment I was tempted to pick that dress based on that and that alone, and give into all of the insecurities that come with putting on weight as you get older. But I didn’t, because that would have been a full-circle moment of a terrible kind.
There’s no way in hell I would ever want to be the person I was then – the one who thought her life was over because she couldn’t find anyone to love her, and had given up on finding The One before her life even really began (the wisdom that a few years and a pandemic bring, huh).
I still picked a dress that was super-flattering, don’t get me wrong. But I was so proud of myself at NOT picking the skinny-minny dress, and instead picking the one that represents who I am now – and trust me, this version of me is far, far, better, jiggly bits and all. I’m looking forward to who I’ll be on the wedding day!