Wednesday, February 1, 2023

The Bumble Diaries: Love, Success and Sex – 3 Women’s VERY Different Dating Experiences (Plus the BEST Opening Lines for App Chat)

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Dating apps can be intimidating if you’ve used them before – facts. BUT, if you go into the digital dating world with an open mind and an open heart, you might just surprise yourself. We speak to three Kiwi women about their WILDLY different experiences on Bumble, and how they found so much more than they thought they would. PLUS, we have the best guide to opening lines for when you want to get your conversation off to the best possible start!

And click here for our previous editions of The Bumble Diaries!

Melissa, 37: “I found the love of my life”

I have to admit, I first went into using dating apps with a bit of apprehension. It was in 2016 and it was still in the days where apps had a little bit of a stigma – you had to be cute and say you met through ‘mutual friends’. Thank God those days are over!

Still, I was determined to make the most of the idea that there were so many people ready to date, all at my fingertips. Looking back, I think one of the best things about my approach was that I had no idea what I was doing – which meant that I was just 100% ‘me’ because I didn’t know how to do anything else! I didn’t have much of a filter – I just wrote exactly what I was looking for, that I wanted a serious relationship, that I wasn’t much of a partier or drinker and that I wanted to settle down soonish. But honestly, I don’t think I thought I would find that, at least not almost instantly.

After a couple of non-eventful dates – nice guys, just not for me – I came across Paul’s profile – a few years older, a cat guy (they’re surprisingly hard to find?!) and liked rock climbing. We went out for dinner and since then, we’ve never really been apart.

I never would have met Paul unless it was for Bumble – we had completely different friend groups, careers and even geographical locations, he lived on the other side of Auckland. I’ve told all of my girlfriends to give it a go. The hardest part is putting yourself out there at the beginning, but it gets so much easier.

I married Paul earlier this year after a few Covid delays – thank God I swiped right!

Kate, 28: “I was looking for love… but I found something so much better”

I’ve been on Bumble for three years on and off after my last relationship ended. I have to admit I was pretty determined to meet ‘the one’ so I THREW myself into dates without really knowing what I was looking for – apart from ‘my person’. I’m bisexual so I couldn’t even narrow it down by gender!

I think I just had a real fear of being alone, especially when I hit 27 which, I know, is stupidly young to be worrying about such things but when falling in love is drilled into you as your biggest goal since you’re a kid (thanks Disney) then it makes sense.

So, I just dated a lot of people – until I met Aiden. We swiped right on each other for the same reason: we both thought the other looked like fun. We both love socialising, nightlife, partying and exploring and wanted to find someone who liked that too.

We went on a first date – a wine bar in Wellington, great vibes – and instantly we knew there was no romantic connection. But we both knew that we were each other’s people, and we started to hang out socially. Two years later, we’re most definitely each other’s best friend.

Aiden’s helped me realise what I want in a partner and what I don’t, and he’s the perfect wingman and sounding board for when I do go on dates. I actually don’t go on as many these days – quality over quantity now – and I think that’s in part to do with Aiden. Having a true best mate has actually helped my independence in a way that I have him for support, and I don’t need to be finding emotional support in someone I barely know.

I’m still so excited to find ‘the one’, but I’m more selective now because I finally know what I’m looking for – someone like Aiden. But not him!

Priyanka, 30: “I found my confidence”

I grew up in a pretty straight immigrant household and I was always expected to have an arranged marriage, like my parents and my older sister did. But being born in New Zealand, I have different ideas about marriage and love than my family, so when I moved out of Mum and Dad’s house, I decided to take the plunge and download some dating apps to see what it was like.

Problem was, I realised VERY quickly that I was heading out into the real world extremely sheltered and I had rock bottom confidence. I was so shy to even OPEN the app, let alone go on a date.

But gradually, with some help from my co-workers, I worked up the courage to swipe right on a few guys I thought looked nice.

With every chat and every date, I felt my confidence growing as I worked out my conversation style, my opening lines (see below for more!) and who I was looking for. I had nice experiences with guys who would compliment me on my hair (nice) and my kindness (even nicer). I started to realise that I was attractive and nice and something to offer, and that alone was worth my Bumble experience.

My parents did eventually find out and after a few, er, *heated* arguments, they’ve accepted the fact that I want to be in control over my own dating life.

I’m still on there dating and having a great time – I don’t feel like I’m ready for anything serious, so for me it’s just fun and flirty. And GOD do I love it.

So You Want to Swipe Right: What Are the Best Opening Lines to Get the Chat Going?

Unless you’ve been living in a hole for the last eight years or so, you’ll know that Bumble’s USP is that in heterosexual matches on the app, it’s up to the woman to initiate conversation. And sure, that can be a bit scary at times (or you just have an utter mind blank!) so we asked the experts – Bumble, obvs – for the best tried and true opening lines you can pull out during your next chat.

Narrow down your line by first figuring out what your dating personality is and what’s important to you (you can take a quiz here!)

Empathetic

Kindness comes naturally to you (amazing!) and not only do you consider other people’s feelings, but you prioritise them. So, try opening with a cute compliment, or asking a question that allows your match to open up. 

Love your taste in music. What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?

Ooh super cool pics. Are you into photography?

Hi! How are you *really* doing right now?

Confident

Your success derives from asking for what you want and not wasting anyone’s time (we LOVE this and we wish there was more of you!). Stick to these roots by telling your match what it is about them that caught your eye.

Your dog is so cute! Hopefully he’ll make an appearance on our first date? 😉 

Lol your bio had me on the floor. Wanna link up sometime and tell each other dad jokes?

Not gonna lie– you are SO my type. Your smile 😍

Humorous

The best way to win someone’s heart? Make them laugh! Luckily, your wit just so happens to be your greatest strength. Put your best foot forward by keeping things light-hearted, and honestly, don’t be afraid to get corny. To paraphrase Kate Winslet in The Holiday, we all need a bit more corny in our lives.

Are you my appendix? Because you give me this weird tingly feeling and I kinda want to take you out.

I know we’re all sick of being quarantined, but I’m trying to LOCKDOWN someone like you.

Alright, I’m here. What are your two other wishes?

Intellectual

You’re quite the thinker and love that there’s always more to know about a fellow human. Impress your match by making an astute observation or asking a question that leads to deeper conversation. 

Is that a [insert band name] tee you’re wearing in your third pic? Love them!

Wow, you definitely have a way with words. Who’s your favourite author?

Which do you think is more important: time or money?

Adventurous

As a thrill-seeker, you’re determined to make the most out of life, and that means taking risks. Show off your adventurous side by asking a quirky question that’s sure to spark an interesting convo that you can really build off.

What would you do if you were invisible for a day?

Kiss, marry, kill: Salsa, cheese, guacamole.

Alright, let’s see what you’ve got. Truth or dare?

No-Frills

Maybe you’ve had luck simply by introducing yourself or asking people what they’re up to. If so, there’s no shame in sticking with what works. You can beef up your first line a bit simply by adding an Emoji or GIF (HIGHLY recommend the GIF route personally!)  After all, sometimes a visual cue better expresses what you want to say.

Hey {Name}! What are you up to this weekend?

Hey! How’s your Tuesday going?

I spent 20 minutes trying to think of a curated pickup line, but I didn’t want to keep you waiting any longer, so, hello. 🙂 

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