What are the red flags that you’re headed for divorce? This lawyer says there are key signs to look out for (and steps you should take if this is the case!)…
Welcome to the Divorce Diaries. In our past instalments over the last year we’ve covered everything from when you’re most likely to divorce to whether they’re contagious to whether being on the contraceptive pill can effect your chances! and have now spoken to dozens of women – including one whose husband announced he was leaving her to have an open relationship with a 19-year-old, another who was quite literally ghosted by her own husband and one who discovered the real reason her husband divorced her was because he had a baby with her SISTER.
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Annelis Bos has been working in family law for over a decade.
Bos, currently a partner at Coote Family Lawyers, admits it can be “difficult work” particularly when it comes to divorce.
“You’ve got to sort of keep yourself above all of it which can be hard to do in some cases, particularly difficult parenting cases,” she tells 9honey. Over the years Bos has learnt much about the precursors to divorce.
“Sometimes we have clients who say, ‘I’m not separated yet. I’m thinking about separation and I want to know what it will look like if I do get separated.'”
Meeting with clients sometimes years before they officially file for divorce from their spouse is common in her line of work.
“I had one client, it was seven years before she finally pulled the pin. She came to see me every year,” she says.
”So for some people, the process of separation can actually be quite a long one.”
In her experience, women like to be more prepared than men.
“We find with older women clients who may not have had a job, they might not have had very much super, and their financial security is intrinsically tied to the family wealth, they tend to be more careful because there’s a lot more at stake for them, particularly if they don’t have an income,” she says.
“But with younger people separating, they’re both often working and financially independent, so it’s a little bit different in terms of how they would approach it.”
Precursors to divorce, in Bos’ experience, can include:
1. If your spouse starts acting differently
“If your partner or husband or wife starts behaving differently to how they did for the duration of the marriage, that’s probably a good sign that something isn’t right,” she says.
“And I think that a lot of people don’t necessarily want to face the reality, particularly if you’ve got one person that wants to end the marriage and another person that doesn’t.”
2. Increased secrecy around phone use
Bos says any secrecy around phone use can be a major flag of pending divorce.
“But I think it’s really important to not be too naive if things at home are not what they usually were.”
3. Changes in financial arrangements
This can be another sign of a relationship’s future demise, particularly if the changes in financial arrangements benefit one party more than the other.
4. Unexplained stays away from home or increased work trips
A classic sign of pending doom in any relationship, Bos says unexplained trips are also something to watch out for.
How to prepare for divorce
1. Run through what a divorce may look like
When a client comes to see her ahead of filing for divorce, Bos will “run through everything” and help them “get an idea of what things would look like or likely to look like if they separated.”
That means discussing assets and parenting arrangements.
“I think it’s important for people to have as much information as possible because separation is a very very stressful time,” she says. “Also people are grieving, they could be angry, they could be very upset. So being armed with information and having some path forward can be really helpful for people when they separate.”
2. Asset protection
“There are steps that they could take prior to separation to ensure that there isn’t any dissipation of assets,” she says. “One of the classic things that happen when people separate is they have a mortgage redraw or they have substantial cash funds.
“If things get ugly, one or other of the parties might often clean out the accounts and that can leave the person without the funds in a very compromised position. So, we might advise clients, for example, to make it two to sign on an account so the money doesn’t go anywhere but it can’t go without both of them agreeing.”
She also suggests “putting caveats on properties” so they can’t be sold or ownership transferred.
3. Mediation
Bos advises her clients to be “amicable” and take advice.
“If you have a good lawyer and they give you advice, you should follow that advice because the family court is a very unpredictable and discretionary jurisdiction.”
“So you can spend a lot of money and end up in a no better position and perhaps even a worse off position.”
4. Don’t compare your situation to others
“I’d have to say there isn’t really such a thing as an average divorce,” Bos says, adding that it is unhelpful to compare your situation to others.
“We have people who come in and they come to us they’ve already got a deal and we’ll draw up the documents, or they’re going to fight to the death at every point in their third or fourth year of family court litigation.”
This article was reproduced with permission from 9Honey. To read the original article, click here.
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