“How I Found Out My Husband Was Cheating”: Infidelity continues to be one of the biggest reasons that couples break up – and if the number of Divorce Diary stories we receive are anything to go by, this is certainly still true here in NZ. Here, in part one of this series we hear the stories of how seven women discovered their husband’s affair…
Welcome to the Divorce Diaries. In our past instalments over the last year we’ve covered everything from when you’re most likely to divorce to whether they’re contagious to whether being on the contraceptive pill can effect your chances! and have now spoken to dozens of women – including one whose husband announced he was leaving her to have an open relationship with a 19-year-old, another who was quite literally ghosted by her own husband and one who discovered the real reason her husband divorced her was because he had a baby with her SISTER.
If you have a topic you’d like to discuss, share your thoughts, experience or advice about, drop a line to alice@capsulenz.com.
“I Was Accidentally Tagged into a Facebook Post“
Naomi and her husband had fairly recently separated when she noticed she’d been tagged in a facebook post. Shockingly, it was one her ex’s aunt had posted – and it was a post congratulating her nephew (and niece-in-law) on their new baby. Naomi assumed the aunt had lost her mind, until she discovered that no, in actual fact her husband had fathered a child with someone else and that was the real reason behind their divorce, not the lies he’d fed her – although, she’s still never got admission of what happened from her ex.
“I just want an explanation from my ex-husband” says Naomi. “And you know what? An apology. I’d like one from this Marie woman (the woman who had his baby) too. She must have known she was sleeping with a married man.”
“I Found Out From Watching Simone Anderson’s Instagram stories“
Amber was watching Simone Anderson’s stories when she noticed someone wearing a very distinctive dress in the background. She knew immediately it must be her husband’s colleague – she’d talked to her about that dress and it was a one of a kind one from Venice. She rewatched the story and yes, it was definitely her… but she wasn’t alone.
“I can’t believe I recognised her first, and not my husband,” tells Amber. “He was with her. They were walking. Like, next to each other. Like, right next to each other. She was in under his armpit and he had an arm around her. You could see his hand on her waist. I caught my husband cheating on Instagram.”
“I Found Out At a Parent/Teacher Conference at My Son’s School”
Stephanie was having a hard time processing the end of her marriage, after her husband had quite out of the blue, told her he wanted a divorce.
But, unfortunately, it all made sense when she was at her son’s school six months later and saw her son’s teacher from the year before, get into her ex-husband’s car. As it transpired, he’d been cheating on her with their son’s teacher.
“She was headed for my husband’s car,” says Stephanie. “It happened in slow motion. I saw her jump in the passenger side and they leaned over to kiss. It felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. Or run over.”
“His Girlfriend Contacted Me”
Michelle thought she had a happy marriage until she opened Messenger to find a message from a very upset woman, who turned out to be the girlfriend of her husband. She had met him two years previously, and he had said that he had recently separated from his wife. This woman was devastated when she discovered they were still married and thought Michelle had the right to know.
“She said she never suspected he had a wife who he was still living with, because they’d go out in public together,” says Michelle. “They went to movies! They went out to dinner. He even bloody accompanied her to her cousin’s wedding!”
“My Friend Found Him on Tinder“
Kate’s friend was complaining how difficult it was to actually meet someone on Tinder. She told her there were so many guys now who were clearly married, writing ‘looking for someone to be discreet with’ in their profile. She showed Kate some of them – the last one caught her eye. It was a cropped pic of a man’s bare torso – a torso that looked identical to her husband’s torso. And the background looked very similar to their bathroom – particularly the same cracked tile.
“It was my husband – no doubt about it – it was him. I knew it was him. It had to be our bathroom. And, I mean, after being with someone for a hundred years, you know what their chest looks like.”
“I Found Out Through a Pocket Dial”
Jane would never have picked her husband for someone who would have an affair – and that’s why she didn’t jump to conclusions when she got an odd phone call. It was her husband – he’d pocket dialled her. The problem was, he was clearly driving – when he was supposed to be at work – and he wasn’t alone. He was with their nanny. She stuck around on the phone listening, and heard enough incriminating information to realise that yes, her husband was a cliché: he was having an affair with their nanny.
“Those first six months, maybe first 12 were excruciating,” says Jane. “Just rebuilding your life, especially as a single mum is so hard. There was so much to navigate. I was so angry.”
“He Didn’t Think I Was Home… So He Came Home With His Lover for a Quickie at Lunchtime”
Kim was at work when she felt flu symptoms start to take over, so she headed home and got in the shower. Which is when she heard someone in the house – was it an intruder?
“It was a rollercoaster of emotions,” she tells. “First I was terrified that I was in the shower and a stranger was in the house who had broken in. Then the relief that it was just my husband. Then the horror that he wasn’t alone.”
She jumped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her and opened the door to find her husband and a complete stranger entwined together on her marital bed.
“I screamed, he screamed, she screamed,” remembers Kim. “The cowardly b**h, ran out of the room, and my husband just kept saying, ‘I’m so sorry, god I don’t know what I’m thinking.’”
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