Welcome to our series, The Divorce Diaries. In our past instalments over the last few months we’ve covered everything from the effect of lockdown on divorces to whether they’re contagious and have now spoken to dozens of women – including one whose husband announced he was leaving her to have an open relationship with a 19-year-old and another who was quite literally ghosted by her own husband.
If you have a story you’d like to share, or a topic you’d like to discuss, share your thoughts, experience or advice about, drop a line to [email protected].
This week we hear from a Guest Writer from 9Honey who had an affair and was humiliated when her lover dumped her…
I made a really big mistake when I was in my early 30s. I’d only been married to my husband Rick* for two years when I started an affair with a guy I met at my gym.
I was obsessed with working out and just obsessed with my overall appearance during that time. I felt like Rick never told me I was looking good, or didn’t really find me that attractive anymore. I was looking for attention, and when I met Dan* I couldn’t believe how into me he was. He stalked me on social media, and I think when he found out I was married he wanted me even more.
We started an affair that lasted six months. It was quite exciting at the time. Looking back, I realise I was foolish and it was never really going to go anywhere.
We mostly went to his place for sex, as he lived in an apartment so it was very convenient. He said he didn’t have a girlfriend, but he did tell me he’d had an affair with a married woman a year earlier and they were still friends. As far as I knew, he was only sleeping with me.
I felt like I was really falling in love with Dan. He never told me he loved me but I felt pretty sure he did; I just told myself he was one of those men who doesn’t like to show all of his cards at once.
I thought it was only a matter of time before he would tell me he was in love with me and he’d beg me to leave Rick. Instead, I started to feel really jealous.
He would come up with all sorts of excuses about why I couldn’t visit him. He lived on his own, so I didn’t see what the problem was if I came over. It was harder for me to get away because I’d have to lie to Rick and tell him I was going to a friend’s house or out for drinks with work mates.
So, one night I decided to surprise Dan, which was a stupid thing to do. I went to his apartment, knocked on the door and an attractive woman in her 40s answered. When I asked for Dan she giggled, and when he appeared he said, “Sorry, we’re busy.”
I managed to pull him outside the door for a bit, and I was on the verge of tears, saying, “So you’re cheating on me?” He laughed and basically said that was ludicrous because he and I were “only a short-term fling” and I was cheating on my husband so I couldn’t talk.
That was how he ended it. He never called me again, and never replied to any of my texts. It was humiliating to know that he was with another woman; I suspect I was the last married woman he’d been having an affair with. I know, I got what I deserved and my marriage broke up soon after that.