Ever text the wrong person by mistake? It’s an easy slip up to make and usually it’s of little consequence. But, unfortunately that certainly wasn’t the case for Chelsea and her husband Pete, because when he sent her a message that was meant for someone else, it unravelled their whole marriage.
Welcome to the Divorce Diaries. In our past instalments we’ve covered everything from when you’re most likely to divorce to whether they’re contagious to whether being on the contraceptive pill can effect your chances (?!) and have now spoken to dozens of women – including one whose husband announced he was leaving her to have an open relationship with a 19-year-old, another who was quite literally ghosted by her own husband and one who discovered the real reason her husband divorced her was because he had a baby with her SISTER.
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Chelsea was used to her husband, Pete, coming and going.
His job meant that he quite regularly was out of town for a night or two every week. When the kids were very young, she’d hated it. Doing the dinner, bath and bedtime routine was more stressful alone – but it was the time that stretched on afterwards that would worry her.
“We lived in a two-story house – our room was on the top floor, while the kids’ bedrooms were on the bottom floor,” she says. “It never worried me when Pete was home, but when he was away, I’d think about someone breaking in or something happening to the kids.”
Those nights, she’d sleep on a mattress on the floor in her youngest’s room.
“I’d barely sleep, worrying what might happen,” she says. “I felt silly about it but then, I told Pete about it and he thought it made sense I’d worry so we rejigged our rooms around. I’d still worry though. Sometimes I’d still sleep in their rooms.”
As the kids got older though, Chelsea worried less, and even came to enjoy those nights he was away. She’d spend time helping the kids with homework or watching TV together, then get them into bed early. Once they were asleep she’d order a delivery from the Indian place her husband hated (he couldn’t do spicy food), while she watched all the shows he didn’t like.
She never worried about her marriage. She’d had a close friend end her marriage over infidelity – but it wasn’t something she ever thought about happening in her own marriage.
“We’d been through a lot,” says Chelsea. “When he was away, he’d always call or send me a message before he went to bed, and first thing in the morning when he woke up. I’d send him a pic of my spicy dinner and he’d send me whatever bland meal he was eating.”
Then, eleven years into their marriage, one text message changed everything.
Pete was away again and Chelsea was on the couch, waiting for her dinner to be delivered – she’d ordered a bit later than usual. Her phone dinged. It was Pete. She’d meant to text him earlier, but it had been a busy night. He was probably wondering how her night was going. She opened the text:
‘My room this time? I’m in 409.’
Chelsea was confused the first couple of times she read it, and then she felt her stomach drop.
“I knew right away something was going on,” she says.
Pete sent another message a minute later.
‘Shit, sorry. Wrong person. That was meant for Luke. Still have things to finish for the morning. Long day! How’s your dinner? Spicy enough?’
Chelsea says the follow up message didn’t make her feel any better.
“I immediately had a bad feeling in my stomach,” she says.
So she called Pete.
“He was very defensive and off,” she says. “I asked him who was coming to his room and he said Luke, but they’d decided it was too late and they’d work on whatever they were doing early in the morning instead. I said it sounded fishy. Like, what did he mean by ‘this time?’ And he said they’d worked in his room on it earlier that day. He asked what I was accusing him of and sounded stressed. It was just weird behaviour from him.”
Chelsea says she said to Pete that if she had of got that message from him, and then a follow up message saying ‘oops, ha, that sounded bad! Imma call you in a min’ or something, she would have dismissed it, but his reaction was strange. That seemed to only make him more defensive.
Eventually they calmed down and Chelsea said she believed him and she went to bed (without eating her dinner – she’d lost her appetite). Pete text her when she’d got into bed. ‘Sorry, you’re right, out of context that text does sound bad. I promise nothing fishy is going on. It’s just been a long day, I’m tired and I text you instead of Luke. He’s right that we just need a good night sleep and will have a clearer head in the morning. Text me when you’re awake. I don’t want to wake you. I love you so much.’
It made Chelsea relax a bit, but not totally. As she tried to sleep, her mind buzzed.
When her alarm went off in the morning, she felt like she’d only just got to sleep.
But, she had a plan.
She got the kids to school and drove to work, but before she got out of her car to go in, she made a phone-call: A call to the hotel her husband was staying in.
Chelsea called the front desk and asked to be put through to Luke’s room.
As a small part of her suspected, there was no guest matching that name at the hotel.
She called her husband’s workplace.
“I said I couldn’t get hold of Pete and it was an emergency – was he down there with any other staff who I could try calling,” she says. “They told me Pete was there with Stacey – did I want her cell number? I said yes and they said they’d try getting hold of Pete too. I said that was okay, but I thought they might try so I would have to call Pete asap.”
Chelsea called Stacey’s number and said she was from the accounts department where they worked and needed to speak to Pete urgently – she hadn’t been able to reach him on his own number.
“When I heard Pete come to the phone, my blood went to ice,” says Chelsea.
She asked him why he’d lied about Luke. Asked him what the hell was going on.
“I said, ‘I know you’re having an affair! How could you?!’” she says. “He denied it, of course, and said I was crazy.”
It’s now three years ago since that conversation. Pete continued to deny that he’d had an affair, despite all the evidence. Chelsea had called Luke and confirmed that he was not away – he was at home that night. She’d caught him with Stacey. She’d called Stacey and she’d only once answered and had been very cagey and said she didn’t know anything sorry, she should talk to her husband.
Pete gave no explanation as to what happened that night: only that it was a ‘misunderstanding’ that he was sorry for.
“The first year, I felt like maybe I was going crazy,” says Chelsea. They split up, because Chelsea couldn’t trust him and couldn’t get over what happened that night. “He never admitted anything and kept turning it on me – like I was this crazy person for calling his work and calling Stacey. The most he would tell me was that he said it was Luke not Stacey because of how jealous I am and that he knew if he said it was a woman he was working with I would have gone crazy. But, I never did anything crazy or jealous. He made me feel crazy though.”
Chelsea got some vindication though – although it was extremely bittersweet. She’d never spoken to him through the ordeal, but, about a year later, Stacey’s husband called her to tell her that Stacey and Pete had been having an affair, Stacey had finally admitted it and their marriage was over.
Now, three years on from that night, Stacey and Pete are openly in a relationship, living together.
“It’s so hard,” says Chelsea. “It feels good that I’m not crazy, but it also hurts like mad. I’m still so angry at him, for how he behaved – not just the affair, maybe it’s worse than the affair how he gaslit me afterwards. And now, I have to keep my chin up for the kids and drop them to their house and bite my tongue.
“There’s nothing quite as horrible as having to send your kids to your ex-husband and the woman he cheated on you with and having to smile in front of your kids and say goodbye. If anyone has any tips for how to get through this, please let me know!”
You can send your messages to Chelsea at [email protected], or leave a message on our social media post – she’ll be keeping an eye out!
*names have been changed
