Tuesday, September 26, 2023

The Love Diaries: ‘I Think My Husband is Having an Affair With His Ex’

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“Is my husband having an affair with his ex?” That’s the question this week’s writer wants answered!

Welcome to our series, The Love Diaries – a space for you to share your experiences, advice, fairy-tale endings, setbacks and heartbreaks. We’ll be hearing from industry experts giving practical advice alongside Capsule readers (You!) sharing your firsthand experiences with love – from the woman who cheated on her husband with a work colleague, one woman’s temptation now the love of her life is finally single (although she’s not), and the woman who forced her husband to choose between her and his girlfriend. 

This week we check in with a story from a guest writer at 9Honey who shares her concern that her husband seems to be very close to his ex-wife.

If you have a topic you’d like to discuss, share your thoughts, experience or advice about, drop a line to [email protected] with ‘Love’ in the subject line.

My husband Pete is the love of my life. We have a beautiful three-year-old girl together and I like to think that everything is perfect. Except it’s not.

The main reason my marriage isn’t perfect is all thanks to Pete’s ex wife Lea. She spends way too much time with him when I’m not around.

Although I can’t just blame her, I blame Pete as well. They are constantly on the phone together and it’s sometimes about the dog that they still share.

I can only imagine how difficult it is for couples who’ve divorced but share children and have to constantly be in touch because it’s annoying enough listening to them talk about their dog to work out what happens with him when we’re all on holiday.

And that’s another thing — the first year Pete and I were together, he went away with Lea and our daughter.

Did I think that something was going on? Well, not really. But today I am very suspicious. I can just see the chemistry between them. I like to think I have great chemistry with Pete but those two definitely have something between them. 

“I am very suspicious. I can just see the chemistry between them.”

If they weren’t ex partners, I’d be very worried that they were having an affair. Maybe they are and I’m just the idiot that has no idea!  She is also very “touchy feely” with Pete.

I’ve noticed that when she talks to him, she is constantly touching his arm or leg and he certainly doesn’t seem to mind.

She is very attractive and, I hate to admit it, much prettier than I am. I know looks aren’t everything and I know Pete did fall in love with me but it doesn’t help things. Whenever I’ve complained to friends about this, they tell me they’d hate it if their partner was friendly with their ex. 

One friend pointed out to me, “You’re the mother of his only child, so that’s what you have on her.”  Yes, I realise that’s a really good point but I don’t think any woman would be happy to have her husband spend so much time at his “hot” ex wife’s house.

There was one day when he said he was going to the hardware store as he was fixing a gate and other things around the yard. Two hours later I wondered where the hell he was — when I phoned, he told me he was at Lea’s house playing with the dog.

He claims she called him when he was at the hardware store, asking for help and he bought whatever was needed to fix something at her place, and he headed over there.

When I phoned him, he was outside with her. I know this because I could hear her laughing in the background. Was this just an innocent catchup? Did he just want to help her? Or is he still in love with her?

These are all questions that have been floating around my head for ages. I’ve been blunt with Pete and told him how I feel and he just laughs it off, saying they are just close friends.

I want to believe him, but I’m sick of feeling anxious about it.

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