Tomorrow is Baby Loss Awareness Day, the final day of Baby Loss Awareness Week. As we close our coverage for another year, we’ve pulled together all our resources on this topic. Please know that although this week is coming to an end, our stories on this subject will keep coming – for those of you who have experienced a loss, we see you. You’re not alone. We hope some of these stories are of comfort.
Every year the week of Oct 9 – 15 is dedicated to Baby Loss Awareness Week and here at Capsule we’re committed to sharing the stories and information about this topic which is SO important, yet so rarely openly discussed.
In NZ we don’t collect data on the number of miscarriages, but it’s estimated that between 13,000 to 15,000 women experience a miscarriage in NZ every year. That means for every four pregnancies, one ends in miscarriage.
Then, there are the babies who are stillborn – who die during pregnancy or in utero after the 20th week of pregnancy. Each year about one in every 200 pregnancies ends in stillbirth.
For something that happens so frequently, to so many families, it can seem entirely bizarre that it is such a taboo, hushed topic – which means that when families do go through a loss, it can feel incredibly isolating, as though no one else has ever had to go through that pain before. Yet, in reality, our country is scattered with families who know only too well the pain and suffering of miscarriage and baby loss.
In the past few years, we’ve talked to several experts and Kiwis who have experienced loss first-hand. If you’d like to read back through these stories, a synopsis of each is below. Or, if you’d like to share your own story, Capsule is a safe place and we welcome your thoughts, experiences and stories – please email alice@capsulenz.com.
The one message that has come up time and time again this week, is that if one thing could come out of Baby Loss Awareness Week, it would be that we talk more. That we don’t let this topic be the elephant in the room. That we open up conversations around miscarriage and baby loss, to support those families going through grief and pain, often in isolation and silence. Let’s start talking.
Don’t Let it Be the Elephant in the Room – How to Support a Friend or Family Member Who Has Lost a Baby
Vicki Culling, PhD, is the director and principal trainer of her own company which runs workshops and training programs for medical professionals dealing with perinatal deaths. She’s worked with Sands for more than 15 years, running support groups in Wellington. Vicki is also a bereaved parent herself, having lost her first daughter who was stillborn at 10 days overdue, whilst Vicki was doing her PhD in Women’s Health Research. Vicki talks us through what we can do to support a friend or family member who has suffered a loss.
Read Vicki’s story here
Hayley Holt on Sobriety, Her Son Raven And The Bravery Of Pregnancy After Baby Loss
In Hayley Holt’s book, Second Chances, she speaks with unflinching honesty about her battle with alcohol, falling off the wagon after having a miscarriage – following the death of her son Frankie – and the bravery of pregnancy after baby loss. “You have to face your fear; you have to face your shadows and accept them as they come.” Here, she speaks to Emma Clifton about her son.
Read Hayley’s story here
‘Grief Only Exists In Our Lives Because Love Did First.’ Meet The Mother Who Wrote The Baby Loss Book She Needed
Annie Anderson experienced two baby losses and found that a lot of the grief resources and books weren’t sharing the full experience… so she decided to write her own.
Read Annie’s story here
‘My Miscarriage Was Not My Fault. Neither Was Yours’ Women’s Health Expert, Wellness by Jessica, Shares Her Loss and Message For Other Women (and Men!)
While she’s helped women across the world get pregnant, Jessica – of Wellness By Jessica fame – and her husband experienced their own incredibly painful heartbreak on their journey to parenthood when they went through a miscarriage in the first trimester.
Read Jessica’s Story Here
27 Mums Who Lost Their Babies Share the Things People Did That Made a Difference
We spoke to 27 families who had lost a baby. These bereaved kiwi mother’s so kindly and generously shared the things that friends, family and work colleagues did that meant the most.
Read their stories here
“I Wanted to Tattoo ‘I Am a Mum’ On My Forehead” – The Aftermath of Baby Loss, Plus Expert Tips on Creating Memories to Begin the Healing Process
Judith Moorhead – Chairperson of Sands Taranaki – shares the story of the loss of her daughter, Georgia, 14 years ago. Judith also runs us through why creating memories in the days after the death can help the healing process. Judith shares her tips for remembering your baby, as well as advice for supporting a close friend or family member who has experienced a loss.
Read Judith’s story here
What To Expect From A Miscarriage: A Capsule Reader’s Story & The NZ Charity Aiming To Get Information to Those Who Need It
‘I Felt Completely Alone’: A Capsule reader’s story on her miscarriage and the lack of information she was given. Now, she’s using that experience to improve things for other families.
Read her story here
‘What I Wanted People to Ask Me When I Lost My Son at 35 Weeks’
Capsule reader Leonora was faced with the unthinkable. At a scan while 35 weeks pregnant, she and her husband learned that their cherished little baby – a son they had named Odilon (Odie for short) – had passed away.
Read Leonora’s story here
‘I Had a Miscarriage. It Was Hell. But This Is One Little Thing That Helped Me’
A miscarriage takes you to the depths of hell – but amongst that absolute agony, these five women say there was a something that helped during miscarriage, a small little something that helped them get through the dark time.
Read their stories here
‘Our 4+ Year Battle to Have Children and the Loneliness of Struggling with Fertility’
Nadine Higgins shares her story of getting pregnant in 2020 after years of trying – which devastatingly ended in miscarriage. (This story was written and published before Nadine and her husband were successful in their fertility journey and had a little boy)
Read Nadine’s story here
‘Your Grief Stays The Same Size, But Your Life Grows Around It’
We talk to Jo Clements about her eldest child, Jasper, who died 12 years ago as a baby. Jo talks living with long-term grief and how her heart has grown around that experience, how she remembers her eldest son and how therapy and friends played such a big role in helping her and her family gain more peace around the loss of Jasper.
Read Jo’s story here
‘Sometimes, There Is No Happy Ending’ One Woman’s Story of Heartbreak and Repeated Miscarriages
On the rare occasions that baby loss and miscarriage are addressed in the media, often its families who have experienced a loss, but have gone on to have another baby – a ‘rainbow baby’ who are featured. We love to end a story with hope, or a bit of good news. But what about the families who don’t get that rainbow baby? Where does their grief go? Steph Whitehouse bravely shares her story of loss.
Read Steph’s story here
‘I Was Told I Was Miscarrying – But Actually, It Was My Appendix, Which Burst. And Then, I Did Eventually Lose My Baby.’
Christie Hoyle, who is better known by many Kiwis as SKETE, opens up about the hugely traumatic loss of her son, Ollie. Christie and her husband sought medical assistance at the start of her second trimester when she was in a lot of pain. They were told she was miscarrying their baby. But in fact, her body was fighting appendicitis – a situation which became extremely serious when her appendix burst, which, tragically, eventually led to the death of Ollie. Cruelly, as an added blow, it also led to years of infertility, with Christie and her husband finally adding to their family with the help of IVF.
Read Christie’s story here
‘The Deafening Silence I Experienced After I Lost My Son’
We hear from Steph Whitehouse who shares the excruciating, life-changing experience of losing her son.
Read Steph’s story here
‘People Say Lightning Doesn’t Strike Twice… Well, It Does. Could It Strike Three Times?’ Grieving Two Stillbirths While Being A New Mother and Dealing With Survivor’s Guilt
Business of Influence founder Amanda McConchie, went through the traumatic experience of having two stillbirths in 18 months, the second of which was during a pandemic. A year later, we spoke to Amanda, who was experiencing a new chapter in her baby journey after giving birth to their third child, a healthy little boy called Arthur.
Read Amanda’s story here
If you, or someone you know has experienced a loss, please reach out to Sands, or Whetūrangitia
You can support the wonderful folks at Sands, who do an extraordinary job supporting Kiwi families by visiting www.sands.org.nz
