Making friends as a mum isn’t exactly how Amy Lyall thought it would be… there’s lots of nerves, some awkwardness, and actually, it turns out it’s a lot like dating.
Welcome to our series, The Motherhood Diaries – a safe space for you to share your experiences, advice, hopes and heartbreaks. We’ll be hearing from industry experts giving practical advice alongside Capsule readers (You!) sharing your firsthand experiences. We’re looking at everything from fertility, trying to conceive, pregnancy, the fourth trimester, newborns, toddlers, children’s mental health and teenagers, fertility issues and everything in between!
I’ll never forget the nerves I had before going to my first Mother’s Group meeting after having a baby.
It was like first day of school nerves, where you’re wondering if you’ll make any friends or if people will like you or you’re going to cry the whole time – blame the postpartum hormones on that one.
But I quickly found out making friends as a mum is actually more like dating.
“I think I met someone today,” I nervously told my husband after leaving the second Mother’s Group meeting.
As I spilled the details about her on the phone, it brought back those feelings of telling your best friend about a guy you’d just met.
This woman and I swapped numbers; she was going to help me figure out how to fix this breathing monitor for my daughter that I couldn’t figure out.
Soon our texts became back and fourth chats about our kids, what we were doing that day and if the other was free for a coffee.
Before long we were talking about our other interests – actual real-people things – like the Real Housewives or sharing stories about our dogs.
Like any blossoming relationship, those chats also entered the stage of dating where you’re up all night texting – except it was noticing we were both online at 4am with babies who had decided sleep was not happening.
You could say she was my first serious mum friend, and we’re still going strong.
While that friendship was a success, I can definitely say making friends as a mum has a lot of similarities to being back in the dating pool.
Now, I’ve been with my husband for almost eight years, so I’m a bit rusty on dating but it’s the same.
The awkward first meeting
Forget Tinder, or Bumble, or whatever apps people are using these days – mum’s are meeting the old fashioned way: at the park, or at kids’ activities.
You might be pushing your kid on a swing, when a mum comes and does the same beside you. Or you’re sitting at the library for Rhyme Time and get chatting to the mum next to you.
Conversations always start about the kids, maybe they’re a similar age and you get talking or your kid just wanders off and becomes friends with theirs.
Then you start chatting, and before you know it you think, ‘This could be something?’
Is this the kind of mum you think you could have playdates with? A coffee catch up? Is it weird if you ask for her number?
The first message
You’ve swapped numbers, success. Now: who sends the first message?
Do you go with something straightforward and ask for a playdate? Or do you keep it casual and offer a light, “Hey, how are you and [kid’s name]?” and start the conversation that way?
It feels awkward and hard but it’s the only way you’re going to get anywhere with making friends, and the worst that is going to happen is it’ll fizzle into nothing.
But if it doesn’t, you’ll plan your first date, aka a coffee catch up, and from there, who knows where it’ll go?
Putting yourself out there
OK, so you might get shut down. She might not be your kind of mum friend, and that’s fine because you will find your tribe. It might take time – like all good relationships do – but it’ll be so worth it.
It feels so weird at first to try to start these connections and make friends, which is hard enough as an adult, let alone when you’re trying to wrangle a toddler or baby in tow.
But the end result is going to be so worth it and can give you such a boost of confidence too. Especially when you find the mums that just get it and become more than just mums, but your friends too.
This article was reproduced with permission from 9Honey. To read the original article, click here.
