It seems however a new mother ends up feeding her baby (regardless of whether that method ends up being her choice or not), someone will have a negative opinion about it. Those early – and often very trying and difficult – days and weeks of new motherhood are often also accompanied by pressure and judgement around breastfeeding. For those for whom breastfeeding is just not working out – switching to pumping or formula can be emotional and stressful at a time when you’re at your most vulnerable. So, what are we doing to support women on their journeys?
Welcome to our series, The Motherhood Diaries – a safe space for you to share your experiences, advice, hopes and heartbreaks. We’ll be hearing from industry experts giving practical advice alongside Capsule readers (You!) sharing your firsthand experiences. We’re looking at everything from fertility, trying to conceive, pregnancy, the fourth trimester, newborns, toddlers, children’s mental health and teenagers, fertility issues and everything in between!
Do you have a topic or story you’d like to share? Email alice@capsulenz.com
Before I had a baby, I honestly didn’t put too much thought in breastfeeding. It seemed like something very natural which would therefore all come to me…well, quite naturally, surely?
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, how the universe must laugh at the thoughts expectant new mothers have.
One of the biggest surprises of new motherhood for me – and perhaps the thing that was the greatest source of anxiety in those crazy first weeks – was breastfeeding.
Every single midwife or nurse who came into the room in the days after I had my son had an entirely different approach and opinion – which of course were all also entirely different to those of the lactation specialist who came to see me. I felt bamboozled – which is exactly the opposite of what you want to be feeling whilst you’re already jacked up on hormones and feeling out of your mind.
I was plagued by anxious thoughts about it. Was I doing it right? Was he getting enough? How was I supposed to tell? Should I be pumping as much as the lactation specialist said? Was it supposed to feel like you had shards of glass breaking inside you during the let-down?
It’s a hell of a lot to get your sleep-deprived brain around.
Tanya says she switched to exclusively pumping at four weeks because she could feel her mental health sliding.
“It was torturous,” she says. “In the hospital and Birthcare there was a really strong push on breastfeeding – that felt like their primary focus. It felt like a lot of pressure, and judgement, to be totally honest. I found it really, really difficult feeding her. I was so worried she wasn’t getting enough, but at least with pumping and bottle feeding I could keep track of exactly what she was drinking. It was the right thing to do for my mental health, but I always felt some weird shame about the whole thing.”
Tanya’s far from alone – a 2021 Australian study into breastfeeding found a lot of women discontinue breastfeeding during the first few weeks of the post-partum period because of PIM (Perceived Insufficient Milk). Their study found PIM is also a big reason (35%) why women wean early – although testing to see if women actually have a milk supply issue is rarely done.
The leading reason though, comes down to issues with latching that can cause extreme pain – and an ineffective milk transfer. Health NZ says around one in eight women experience latch challenges. Tongue-ties also occur in roughly 5% – 10% of newborns which can impact breastfeeding, sometimes significantly.
“My greatest wish is that I had of known my daughter had a significant tongue-tie when she was born,” says Melissa, whose daughter’s tounge-tie wasn’t caught until she was two weeks old. “Those first weeks were horrible. At first I thought i was doing great, then she was losing weight and I felt so much guilt and a sense of failure. I was very, very hard on myself. I definitely think it was one of the contributing factors to me developing PPA (Postpartum Anxiety)”.
It seems that when it comes to breastfeeding, pumping, bottle feeding, giving formula – whatever we end up doing (whether it ends up being by choice or necessity) – there’s often a lot of emotion tied up in it. And often, a lack of support.
Marie-Claire Houtsmuller says that like me, she did a lot of planning and researching before having a baby – but not a lot of that prep time involved thinking about breastfeeding.
“I prepared for birth and I prepared for baby, but I didn’t give breastfeeding much thought at all,” she says. “I’d heard it was hard, but I thought I’d get help from the professionals when the day came. My plan was to breastfeed and formula-feed if I ever needed to be away from my girl. My partner and I were both exclusively formula fed, so we weren’t set on our daughter having to be breastfed. I’d been given a hand-me-down pump from a friend, and I remember thinking I’d never use it.”
But then Marie-Claire gave birth and found breastfeeding to be extremely difficult – and in fact, quite excruciating.
“My daughter wouldn’t latch,” she says. “When she did (after about 15 tries each time) it would be shallow and excruciatingly painful and she would usually fall asleep at the breast after a few minutes. At the time of trying to establish breastfeeding I was recovering from a 2.3L haemorrhage from labour, I had had insomnia for three months and I had had a long labour so I was exhausted, so I also started pumping I couldn’t hold her there because I was so tired.”
Marie-Claire turned to pumping out of necessity – but found that her breast pump was also becoming her enemy.
“About six weeks in, I was starting to realise that it was what I was pumping with that was the problem,” she says. “My nipples were cone shaped, pumping hurt, the pumps would flop out of my bra, sometimes they’d even pop open. I was at my wits end, stressed, overwhelmed and nobody understood me – I felt like I was completely alone. I knew nobody who pumped like I did. I was ashamed.”
Maire-Claire ended up doing something pretty extreme to solve her – and other women’s – problem: she started up her own breast pump business, BreastFriend, importing Breasties, the one pump she found that she could actually use without feeling pain.
She says there’s definitely a misconception out there that it’s ‘normal’ for pumping to hurt.
“It shouldn’t!” she says. “When I started using the Breasties I realised that I couldn’t feel anything, so I thought it wasn’t working, but it was. You should barely feel it when you’re pumping. If it hurts it’s usually the wrong flange size!”
But besides the physical aspects of breastfeeding and pumping, it was the mental side of it all that also took its toll on Marie-Claire.
“It can be super tough, and there’s shame around it, I know I had that shame,” she says. “If it weren’t for BreastFriend, maybe nobody would know my story either. It’s interesting because now I’ve opened up, I’ve actually spoken to lots of mums who exclusively pump and I feel a lot less alone.”
Marie-Claire says it took a long time before she even told her own sisters what she was going through.
“I was ashamed to admit it for a long time to my sisters (they live in a different country), who between them had breastfed six babies, but once I launched BreastFriend I came clean, and I realised that the fear of being judged that I’d had was largely in my head.”
She says a lot more could be done to support mother’s who are pumping – particularly in workplaces.
“I don’t think there’s enough support for those returning to work due to employers who do not provide adequate facilities for mama to pump in, despite it being a legal requirement,” she says. “I’ve worked at a business where mums were expected to pump on the toilet, and another where they were required to pump in a room that didn’t have a door. We expect women to return to work, but we don’t support them properly to ensure that they can do so while still meeting the needs of their babies at home. Breastfeeding journeys should be at the forefront of a mothers’ return to work, and it shouldn’t be their job to advocate for themselves when that time comes.”
She says it’s certainly not all doom and gloom though.
“I have had corporate businesses place orders at BreastFriend, I’ve also had mums reach out saying that their employers were covering the cost of their Breasties,” she says.” It’s a win-win, because when they’re using Breasties, most mums feel comfortable to continue working while pumping and some employers understand that, and that providing quality pumps contributes to a mums’ productivity. It goes without saying that mums who feel supported and empowered in their return to work after parental leave are loyal to their employers, and they will go above and beyond for those who look after them (and their babies by proxy).”
__________________________________
About the Author:
