Ok, so the internet is full of (rather sketchy) parenting hacks, often thrown out there by momfluencers who, you can be sure, often have a totally different way of living to what they portray on the gram. So, here with some sensible advice is a neuroscientist who understands that parents are living busy lives and that it’s impossible to be 100% ‘on’ 100% of the day. And, luckily enough, there are some times of the day that really count more than others. So… what are they?
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Between trying to juggle full-time work amidst a cost of living crisis while also trying to be present for our kids, some days it feels impossible.
In fact, even respected parenting experts Gen Muir and Maggie Dent admit parenting in 2024 has never been more difficult.
But when one of my friends copped some serious criticism from her daughter this week, it made me stop and think perhaps it’s time our kids cut us a bit of slack.
She said her eight-year-old had a big meltdown yesterday and yelled, “I wish you could be more like Bandit and Chilli who play with their children every day.”
My dear friend, a hard-working mum-of three, couldn’t believe she was being compared to a fictional dog!
She admits she couldn’t play a card game with her daughter because she was washing up, but was shocked at how quickly her eight-year-old mind instantly raced to compare her to the parents in beloved children’s show Bluey, who are renowned for playing with their kids.
I’m sure she’s not the first parent to be criticised for this.
While I love Bluey, probably even more than my kids do, in many ways Chilli and Bandit are sometimes setting the rest of us parents up to fail by showing our kids that not only do they have time to play with their two children every day, but they also have the mental capacity to initiate games regularly.
Like my dear friend above, I constantly strive to play and be present with my kids as much as time can afford, but unless we pack up and go live a carefree life in Bali, we’ve got bills to pay and responsibilities to take care of.
I also know, though, that the show does also show episodes where Chilli is too busy to play because she’s cooking dinner or when Bandit is too busy to play because he’s got to work.
Unfortunately, these aren’t the moments that stick in our kids’ minds, though.
So how do we get to Bandit and Chilli’s gold-standard of parenting (in our children’s minds) while also taking care of all the responsibilities that come with parenting?
According to neuroscientist Dr Jaak Panksepp, there are only nine minutes in a child’s day that matter the most when it comes to making them feel both loved and like they have our attention.
And when you break it down like this, it does feel a lot more manageable.
According to Dr Panksepp’s theory, the most important nine minutes of a child’s day are the first three minutes after they wake up, the first three minutes after school/daycare and the last three minutes before they go to sleep.
So I took this information and ran with it – to not only be present for my kids when I’m feeling most tired during those times (going on four years of broken sleep now), but to also create a bit of joy for us in those key moments.
Starting with an early morning dance party in our pyjamas – and, honestly, the results were instant and contagious.
I had breakfast to cook, bags to pack, kids to dress and emails to answer, but I stopped all of it to have a quick bit of fun before getting back into the daily grind.
It left me with more energy and positivity for the rest of the day and the kids loved it so much they want to do it again.
So while playing with our kids can easily slip to the bottom of our never-ending ‘to-do list’, perhaps we just need to remember three minutes of play is all that’s required to ensure our kids don’t compare us to those loveable canine cartoons.
This article was reproduced with permission from 9Honey. To read the original article, click here.
