Us gals are levelling up (see what I did there) our self-care routines with gaming – and it’s massively on the rise. Kelly Meharg tries it out for relaxation and chats to some experts (who let us know what games to check out!).
I struggle to turn off my brain. Even when I’m at home, plonked in front of the telly, reading a book, cooking or doing any of my other hobbies, my head is whirling between thinking about to-do lists, work stuff, keeping my calendar in working order, recipes I want to try, what I think is going to happen on the next episode of MasterChef and if I remembered to blow out the candle in my bathroom down the hall.
So many of us are the same – the mental load is real, life moves at 1000 miles an hour and it’s bloody hard to truly take a minute to actually relax.
A pal of mine suggested I check out gaming and look I’ll be honest, I think I actually laughed out loud. Gaming?! Moi!? Get off the grass.
My full extent of gaming experience was back in my (admittedly fun) Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon days, and I did think that gaming was for dudes hooked on Monster and online roleplaying stuff that involves swords and capes and wenches.
Turns out I was the idiot because I looked into it – thought it would be a good yarn for here, at the very least – and as people much smarter than me have realised for a long time, women have got into gaming in a HUGE way – and a lot of them say it’s primarily for self-care.
In New Zealand, according to a 2021 survey, a massive 48% of games are women. Almost HALF. Ellie Harwood, co-host of the Extremely Casual Gamers podcast, says for her, gaming is how she winds down – but also connects with others.
“For me, gaming is the perfect blend of connection and escape. It helps me switch off, relax, and sometimes challenge my brain with a puzzle or strategy,” she tells. “I love how time disappears when I’m immersed in a game – it’s one of the few times my brain actually shuts up (ADHD things!).”
Ellie, a broadcaster and actor, picked up gaming about eight years ago in her mid-20s after a bit of a break from her PS1 and PS2 era as a kid, and now loves co-op games with her partner, gaming on her PC (as well as streaming on Twitch) and also her PS5 and Nintendo Switch.
“Now my passion isn’t really about playing games, it’s more about encouraging others to see gaming as something anyone can enjoy. Growing up, it was more marketed and constructed for boys, plus had a lot of stigma attached to it – violence, addiction, time-wasting – but honestly, that’s such a small part of what gaming is. I wanted to break that stereotype and show that gaming is for all kinds of people.”
Gals like Ellie are fuelling the rise of the female gaming community – and the industry has taken notice. There’s a much higher level of representation globally of female game developers – about 30%, more experiences and games are targeted towards women with more narrative and community-driven games, as well as alternate worlds, such as The Sims, Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing, and since the pandemic, there’s been a rise of ‘cosy gaming’.
What is cosy gaming?
Cosy gaming is a vibe that’s characterised by relaxed gameplay, cute aesthetics (think pastel headphones, fun lighting and bubble mugs), social connection, creativity and self-care (my God when you describe it as that, sign me up!).
It’s about low-pressure gaming that invite the player into other, escapist worlds that allow them to remove themselves from reality for just a little bit, shut the mind and escape the pressures of daily life.
Ellie says that relaxation is a key reason why she games, and adds, “Especially with cosy games like Stardew Valley – they’re like a warm hug. I find them especially helpful for winding down or having fun with mates.”
Why are women embracing gaming?
Self-care, as stated above, is a huge reason, with the pandemic giving the industry a huge boost when we were all stuck at home and craving connection and happiness.
Sixty-two per cent of women say that gaming helps them reduce stress and anxiety, according to this report, with 70% of female gamers stating they reckon gaming helps them with focus and problem solving.
Cosy gaming, where the stakes are low but the vibes are high, is like comfort food for the brain, with games such as The Sims offering a touch of nostalgia, while Stardew Valley, where you find yourself inheriting your grandfather’s run-down farm and you get to transform it into your own, lets you practice mindfulness and creativity.
How did I go?
With all this advice in mind, I decided to focus on a narrative-driven game about I world I was not only familiar with, I was obsessed with. That’s right baby, it’s Hogwarts Legacy time!
Opting for little bursts after busy days at work, I slowly made my way through the beginning levels and I have to admit I was thrilled to be (virtually, anyway) in the Harry Potter universe, learning spells and encountering lore. As someone whose only experience gaming was race-based games as a kid, it took me a while to get used to a story-led game that didn’t have instant gratification, but as soon as I realised I could take it easy, wander around and explore and it be part of the experience, then I was away laughing.
I was so cosy – wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, a red wine and snacks at my side as I meandered around Hogwarts and guys, I admit it, I got hooked.
My mind went blank apart from searching for potions or trying to remember the right buttons for spells, and I loved it. I felt relaxed, I felt in control of what was happening on screen and when I paired my gaming experience with my nice candles, low lighting, a face mask and my fluffiest loungewear, I was in self-care heaven.
So you want to get into gaming?
Ellie has you covered with her tips:
“Gaming can be such a powerful tool for self-care. If you’re new to it or just looking for something low-stress, cosy games are a great place to start.
“Stardew Valley is a classic – you get to grow crops, befriend animals, and live in your own little world.
“Or try something story-driven like Life is Strange or Detroit: Become Human – it’s like watching a movie, but you get to steer the story. There’s really a game (or 10!) out there for everyone – no matter your age, background, or skill level.”
Ellie co-hosts a podcast called Extremely Casual Gamers with two fellow broadcasters and mates, Guy Mansell and Chris Key. It’s a bi-weekly show for casual gamers, where they celebrate gaming as fun, inclusive, and community-driven.