Recently Capsule ran a series about women being stalked, and how stalking is – shockingly – not a crime in New Zealand. Now, Aotearoa film-maker Liv McClymont has made short film The Man Outside about a friend of hers being stalked, to help give stalking victims a voice and show just how terrifying it can be.
Three years ago, May* told her friend Liv McClymont, and some other friends, that she was being stalked. “I thought ‘this is crazy,’” Liv says. “It sounded like she was in a horror film, and it felt like things were escalating really quick.”
The stalker was May’s ex-boyfriend, John*. “It went from being perhaps a heartbroken boyfriend feeling jaded about the end of their relationship, to him engaging in very extreme and manipulative behaviours,” Liv says.
Events unfolded over a few months. John kept texting, calling and emailing May. She kept seeing him at the mall, the supermarket, a café and outside her gym – so often that it sure didn’t seem like a coincidence. He was spotted outside her flat several times. She was so scared she installed a security camera outside the front door.
“It was scary to know my friend was going through that,” says Liv, who felt helpless. “It was shocking to discover that stalking isn’t a crime in New Zealand.” That explained the police’s response – well, lack of response – but it didn’t excuse it.
“May kept updating the police, asking for help, but they said they couldn’t do much,” Liv says. “That felt wild to me. Obviously this is a dangerous situation. How is there nothing you can do?” May went to different police stations. “If one was dismissive, she went to another one.”
“The police suggested May serve John a trespass notice which said he couldn’t be on the private properties stated on the notice, but it didn’t prevent him coming near her in public. The police told her to serve it to him. How can you tell someone scared of their stalker to go to their house to deliver a trespass notice?” May had to knock on his door. He punched a wall. “The trespass notice effectively confirmed all the addresses May didn’t want him coming to, which seems very counter-intuitive.”
Despite the trespass notice, John kept being spotted outside the house by May and her flatmates, and on the security camera. “The police were called multiple times and wouldn’t do anything. They finally came one night because all her flatmates called them and demanded someone come.” The two (male) police officers made jokes that felt inappropriate to May and her flatmates. “I think it’s awful to do that,” Liv says, “after someone calls you for help because they’re terrified”.
The policemen phoned their supervisor to say they were leaving after taking a report, and planning to do nothing else. “The supervisor said they did need to take it seriously. Finally, one police officer actually cared enough to stand up for May. But that could have been done earlier when things weren’t nearly as scary.”
John was charged with harassment and intimidation, and released on bail. “The police told May that ‘if there were a time he wanted to get you, now would be the time. He’s going to be angry that you’ve done this to him… maybe don’t go home tonight’.”
He fled New Zealand and hasn’t physically reappeared. “But more than three years on, he’s still stalking her digitally. He finds ways of getting through to her. He emails her. He texts her. He’ll figure out where she lives. He sends her things. Things that might be seen as gifts, but when they’re from your stalker, they’re not nice things to receive.”
Telling May’s story
In 2022, Auckland law student Farzana Yaqubi was murdered by her stalker. Liv read about how the police hadn’t helped Farzana, despite her repeatedly calling them. “I thought ‘that could have been my friend’. There were some parallels in terms of the escalation.”
Wanting to help draw attention to an issue that’s rarely discussed, Liv asked May whether she’d be willing to share her experiences in a film. “Because I think people know stalking is scary, but I don’t think they totally understand the emotional toll and ongoing trauma. It’s not just the scary moments when someone’s outside the house. It’s feeling unsafe for such a prolonged amount of time.” As May says in the film, “I never thought I’d become a victim. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel safe again”.
Liv and her collaborators – including producer Jessica Todd – got creative in telling May’s story. In the 11-minute film, an actor plays May (and other actors play John, the flatmates and the policemen) in scenes that recreate the events and their impact, including showing her cowering on her bedroom floor, immobilised by terror.
The initial plan was for the real May to speak to the camera as narrator, showing her face. “We wanted to give her space to claim back some of that control and power taken from her.” But, after they started the film, TV series Baby Reindeer came out, in which Richard Gadd plays a fictionalised version of himself. The identity of his stalker wasn’t disclosed, but online sleuths identified the alleged perpetrator.
“So we decided to protect identities in our film. We needed to keep May safe from future ramifications from her stalker.”
To give May a voice, they recorded a video interview with her. Then an actor – speaking to the camera as May – recounted what she’d said. “Word for word, ‘um’ for ‘um’, taking on how May felt in each moment of the interview.”
The end of the film reveals that what viewers thought was May’s face is actually an actor’s face. “We wanted viewers to know that people like May can’t speak about their own stories freely, because of the lack of legal protection.”
Despite not being identified, May felt she got a voice. As she says in the film, “I’ve realised this is less about heartbreak and more about control. I’m not going to let you control my life anymore.”
How hard was it for May to know someone she’d cared for could be a stalker? “I think she didn’t want to believe he was that kind of person. It was upsetting, knowing someone she’d been so close to was now making her feel so afraid.”
The film shows May’s texts to her flatmates – she hadn’t lived there long – apologising for what was happening.
“Feelings of guilt and shame continued to come up for May while we were making this film. She was like, ‘is it my fault? Have I done something to provoke this? Why is he angry with me? I have to try to make this better.’ She was thinking about other people’s needs before her own.”
Changing The Law
Being stalked is far more common than many people realise, Liv says. “Since I started making this film, many people have told me about being stalked, or about friends or family members who’ve been stalked. One woman told me she wasn’t believed by friends, family or police, but this film made her realise she deserves justice.”
“Many victims of stalking don’t share their stories because they’re terrified their stalker will do something terrible in retaliation, or that they won’t be believed by the police or justice system. It’s like the system gaslights you. There’s no law to protect women and tell perpetrators to stop.”
In June, the Coalition for the Safety of Women and Children, and AVA: Anti-Violence Action, presented an open letter to Minister of Justice Paul Goldsmith, accompanied by the petition ‘Protect Women: Make Stalking Illegal’ which has 21,000-plus signatures and which you can still sign. Goldsmith committed to introducing a bill this year to make stalking illegal.
Delighted to hear this, Liv says the bill needs to take online stalking into consideration. This can happen via text, emails, other digital communications, social media, and attaching Apple’s AirTags (button-sized tracking devices) to people’s cars, or their belongings like handbags.
“I also hope police are given training about how serious stalking is, and how to deal with the situation sensitively. They’re often called out because one bad thing has happened, but that doesn’t mean that one thing is the full extent. Stalking is the repetitive intrusion on somebody’s life, and that’s a hard thing to see on one visit.”
How did May feel about the finished film? “She told me she felt really proud. She said this film has been quite cathartic for her – that having a space to talk about it openly, and in a safe environment, is helping heal some of the wound. She wanted to have a voice on this issue, and be part of the change.”
Watch The Man Outside and five other films, for free online in the 10thseason of Loading Docs, the foremost platform for short New Zealand documentaries
