We’re well used to seeing middle-aged men dating younger women in films – but the latest Bridget Jones movie, Mad About the Boy, is thankfully bringing the flipside of that storyline to us again and we’re thrilled. Sarah Catherall found the storylines very familiar at times – with some very accurate portrayals of what it really means to be a single middle-aged woman with kids, and how difficult dating apps can be during this stage.
[Warning: This story contains spoilers!]
When Bridget Jones hooks up with a man 20 years her junior in Mad About the Boy, every mid-life woman in the cinema audience feels a moment of hope.
I love this storyline and thank the Mad About the Boy’s creators for including it, because why should only men prowling the dating apps get to date younger woman? In the film, Hugh Grant (a la Daniel) is allowed to shag a twenty-something poet, which we’ve come to expect in Hollywood blockbusters: older rich men are silver foxes and they get their pick of single women, failing to realise that a beautiful one is more than just youthful looks.
Mad About the Boy has had mixed reviews but it’s my favourite of the four Bridget Jones iterations, probably because it’s the one I most relate to. Bridget is in mid-life and she’s a single mother like I was for eight years. Even sadder, she’s a widow as her husband, Mr Darcy, passed away on an assignment in Sudan. She also finds the dating apps, which I dabbled with until I met my partner nine years ago.
When Bridget turns up to school in her pyjamas and has to deal with the shocked looks of the Alpha mums, I have an ‘aha’ moment. I didn’t wear pyjamas to school but I relate to the absolute chaos of juggling single parenting with my own self-care.
There’s a huge community of us – one in four Kiwi mothers are raising kids on their own or co-parenting – and yes, some of us get a week or a couple of days off out of a fortnight, but we don’t have a husband/partner to pour cornflakes into a breakfast bowl while we get dressed. Bridget does her best, but like other single mums, she’s absolutely exhausted, and the chaos of her life is spot-on.
Meanwhile, Hugh Grant (Daniel) seems like one of those sad dads we see too often on the dating scene: he’s estranged from his son, who he hasn’t seen him for years. We don’t know if young poet girlfriend knows this about him, or if she cares, but it doesn’t put her off.
When Bridget is signed up by her friend on Tinder, other women exiting a long-term relationship will relate: how do you behave, what do you say when you fancy someone, and what condoms do you buy when there are so many to choose from?
It’s a black mark against Bridget that she comes with kids, and I know from past experience that some men on dating apps aren’t particularly thrilled about going out with a woman they have to share with a couple of grubby-faced brats.
But Roxster – the 29-year-old park ranger – loves this about her and he does more than save her from a tree: he saves her from her belief that she’ll never again be loveable. He finds her mothering role sexy and endearing and the scenes in her backyard with her kids make us melt. The sex scenes also show that women in mid-life are sexy and vibrant: we are peaking, in more ways than one.
But Bridget is ghosted – welcome to the highs and lows of online dating. Her love affair can’t last because even though Roxster declares he loves her, she realises they’re at different life stages, which makes her even cooler. I also reflect that she’s far wiser and less egotistical than many older men dating younger women, who rarely have the same revelation.
Along comes her son’s science teacher. He’s a bit boring, but he is the right person for Bridget – her sparkle and chaos compliment his analytical, sensible, measured ways. And without too many plot spoilers, we see he’s going to be a good stepdad to her children.
They don’t meet on the apps: they meet the old-fashioned way (the way I met my partner) and they slowly get to know each other. Their impending relationship is beautiful to watch, rather than the frantic and stressful pace of online apps, where dating is like ordering food.
Mr Walliker begins to shine under Bridget’s influence and she is absolutely glowing, so happy and relaxed. She also goes back to work and reconnects with her former career self, which is part of her emotional growth.
To wrench this film back into reality, a sequel would show her partner occasionally annoyed by her kids and their mess, struggling to know how to impose boundaries, dealing with teenagers and their self-obsession, and sometimes just wanting Bridget all to himself.
Step parenting is one of the hardest roles in the world, and second marriages are more likely to break up than first ones because of the stress of kids (and other things). No matter how much a person loves someone else if they meet in a second chapter, parenting someone else’s kids is complicated.
But I truly wish Bridget and Mr Walliker all the best because finding love again in mid-life is to be treasured.
Sarah Catherall is the author of How to Break Up Well
