When brides and grooms are thinking about – and planning – their big day, often what they’re now really focussed on is having a perfect Instagram wedding. Writer Grace Isabella takes a look at exactly how social media is influencing the wedding market – and some of the expectations couples feel they have to live up to.
The True Cost of a Great Aesthetic
Weddings pre-social media looked very different: Grandma and granddad may have married at home, wearing smart borrowed clothes, followed by afternoon tea sandwiches (today, we’d call that a “micro-wedding”).
Social media is a brilliant source of inspiration during wedding planning. Where else provides instant access to decor ideas, vendors, far-flung venues, not to mention advice forums, wedding tips, and reviews – all for free?
But therein lies the tension: small, truly frugal weddings rarely trend in an algorithm. Big weddings are noticeable and aspirational, the darling of SEO and the dominant feature in wedding feeds, shaping our perception on aesthetic standards. Brides-to-be need to understand that virtually any wedding reaching Pinterest or Together Journal is a six-figure event.
It’s important to unpack where this influence comes from, and how the online environment dictates wedding marketing. Viral weddings are often bankrolled by (undisclosed) brand deals, gifted items, and millionaire creators. These couples are wealthy outliers – an unfair comparison for the average couple.
Yet, as wedding content circulates online, it homogenises expectations. Trends are started by People With Money, and through social pressure, every class beneath aspires to emulate the aesthetics (just look at Queen Victoria single-handedly normalising the white dress).
Wedding creators talk about “guest experience” as if running a hotel. Everything, from floral arrangements to the invitation font, must tell the cohesive story of a brand awareness campaign. In the algorithmic world, the “Instagrammability” of your presentation is a vital checkbox. A photographer is no longer enough – you “need” a videographer for emotional impact, and actually, a content creator too if you want a half-decent reel.
Deprogramming
Even with the best of intentions, financial creep is almost inevitable when your feed is full of beautiful ideas. The influence is passive and powerful.
As someone who’s posted on Instagram approximately four times this year, why am I considering a $7000 editorial photographer? How does it make sense to drop $5000 on a one-time outfit, and then buy a second outfit for the same night?
To stay grounded during the planning process, ask yourself: What would I pay for if I couldn’t post any of it online?
We can’t discuss about social media influence without addressing “shredding for the wedding”. Your favourite size 8 influencers are taking you along on their wedding glow-up journey. A 2024 study found brides-to-be had body dissatisfaction comparable to eating-disorder patients, with media directly influencing thinness idealisation and self-comparison. Get on bride tok, and suddenly we’re pumped with messaging to become the thinnest, the prettiest, clearest-skinned you have ever been in your life. No pressure.
Values & Priorities
Depending on your culture and your values, a wedding can be a deeply meaningful tradition worth every cent. How lovely to celebrate a happy milestone in a tough time, with the people we love in one room. Hosting a wedding can feel like reclaiming control after a decade soaked in chaos; all those rites of passage we missed, the precarious future. Embracing romance is an act of hope in scary times.
But we become vulnerable if we haven’t mapped out the financial implications.
With the high cost of living, unaffordable housing, and job market instability, many Kiwis are hesitant to spend any significant amount of cash right now. Given average salaries at the median age of marriage (30.5 years for women, 31.6 for men), a wedding would put an intense strain on most couples’ budgets without family help or debt to plug the difference.
With so many priorities clustering around a similar life stage – home ownership, family planning, travel, financial security – couples may have to choose which matters most, which is where the noise of social media offers no reprieve.
Some research suggests higher engagement ring and wedding spend correlates with shorter marriages. More likely, it’s not the amount itself, but over-spending relative to income-level that causes strain.
Other theories postulate the link is a sign of impulsivity, a couple more focussed on the wedding than the marriage, entering marriage with debt, or simply that couples with cash for a big wedding also have cash to afford divorce.
Good financial and emotional infrastructure are key in a happy marriage, after all – more so than a lavish day.
A Final Note
Social media can be a helpful planning tool, but it requires strong boundaries. There’s a skill in refusing to eat the lotus – filtering out trends and glamourised expectations.
Whatever choices you make, make them open-eyed. And remember: there are so many other things you’ll do in your life that deserve just as much love, care, and attention as signing a legal certificate.
