It’s a big weekend for people who only watch sport every four years, like Olympics fan Emma Clifton.
OPINION
Here’s the thing: I don’t care for sport. I don’t like watching it, I don’t like talking about, I don’t like having to pretend to understand what ‘overs’ are, and I absolutely don’t think that 20 minutes of the nightly news should be dedicated to it. I’ve seen one rugby game, and it was frustrating. A lot of falling over, very little momentum. Once I’ve seen the haka, I’m turning it off.
(I understand that – particularly in this country – I am in the minority here, and that’s fine. As a Taylor Swift mega-fan, I understand being part of an annoyingly energised fan base for something that leaves other people cold.)
But the Olympics are different. The Olympics are fun, a bit flamboyant, heart-warming, jazzy and easy to understand. Plus, the whole thing kicks off with a giant party. When I explained this to Kelly, Capsule’s resident sport enthusiast, she suggested – accused? – that I like the ‘musical theatre’ spirit of the Olympics, and she’s dead on.
In 2016, on the eve of the Rio Olympics starting, I had made excited plans with my then boyfriend to watch the Opening Ceremony the next day. Unfortunately, he broke up with me literally in the middle of the night – flattering – and I refused to leave his house until the Opening Ceremony had ended, because I didn’t want to miss a single minute of it. Now that’s commitment. Where’s my medal?
Here is what I love about the Olympics:
Everyone Is Happy To Be There
The athletes, their coaches, and their families have put in a superhuman amount of effort to make this important event. So many lonely hours of training, so many sacrifices, and now they’re part of a giant event with a lot of other people living out their own dreams. Not to be depressing, but a lot of adult life is just about ***getting by***, and it’s nice to see that level of hope, enthusiasm and joy reflected in real-life stories.
Everybody Is Talented & Powerful.
If you’ve made it to the Olympics, you are the best of the best at your job and/or hobby and that’s nice to see!
Everybody Is Talented, Powerful & Horny
A couple of weeks in, the gloves are off (figuratively) for a lot of the athletes and they’re now free to roam the Olympics village and hook up with each other. Like Love Island, but everyone is talented. Do you know how many condoms have been supplied for the Paris Olympics? 300,000. The Olympics are so famously horny that one of the theories for the cardboard beds used in the Olympic village is to try and discourage the athletes from having sex with each other. To that I say… please. Have you seen what these people can do with their bodies? They’re not using a bed.
The Underdogs Are The Heroes
In the Opening Ceremony, every country participating gets to be a part of the big parade and it’s one of the rare democratic things in an increasingly unbalanced world. The littlest countries are the most exciting to see – give me a handful of athletes, waving their flag and beaming with pride, over the hundreds of USA athletes any day of the week (apart from the US gymnastic team, because they are god-tier). Imagine the response that the Palestinian and Ukrainian athletes are going to get this year. I’m already emotional!
They’re Easy To Understand
There are 32 sports in the Olympics, and 23 sports in the Paralympics this year. Do you know what they all have in common? They will be easy to understand. For the viewer tuning in, there will either be a ranking or a finish line, meaning that you don’t have to be an expert in the sport itself to understand what is going on and who is winning. Do you know which needlessly complicated sport could take some general lessons from this? Cricket.
You Never Know Who The Star Will Be
Unlike some other sports, the Olympics follows a clear narrative. But the stars change all the time, and you never know which character (athlete) will win the people’s hearts and minds, if not necessarily the gold medal. Take Pita Taufatofua, the Olympian and flag bearer for Tonga who went viral during the Rio Olympics. When he took centre stage during the Opening Ceremony in 2016, you could practically hear the murmurings of ‘Who is THAT?’ happening around the world. (He’s back for this year, by the way). Who will be this year’s Pita? We’ll find out soon.
They Only Run For About Six Weeks
In today’s TikTok addled attention span, we simply don’t have the energy to commit to months-long sporting stories like the world cup (any sport) or a sporting season. The Olympics go from 26 July to 11 August, and then the Paralympics go from 28 August to 8 September. This is perfect – we get six weeks of something that isn’t war or the US election to concentrate on, and then we can go back to our regularly scheduled programming of multiple existential crises.