Robyn Malcolm had a hell of a time through menopause – but what she’s found on other side of it is a freedom and joy that makes her really understand why in some cultures they refer to it as a “second spring”. Plus, she’s having better sex. Here, Robyn talks to Alice Hampson ahead of the release of her new documentary, Robyn Malcolm: Menopause and Us.
“So, menopause just keeps on giving, right?”
Robyn Malcolm’s nursing a frozen shoulder right now – it’s her second round of it after first having it in her other arm a year or so back. If you’ve never heard the term – for a start, count yourself lucky, because it’s an extremely painful condition that most commonly affects women aged between 40 and 60. Yes, the menopause years – which is no coincidence. It’s often influenced by fluctuating hormones.
It’s just, as Robyn says, another one of those little surprises of menopause. Another affliction that women endure, often in silence, often searching around in the dark for answers, for diagnoses, for treatment, often only to discover there aren’t any, because, well, it’s just another one of those things chalked up to ‘women’s health issues’ that we haven’t bothered to spend much time or money figuring out.
Sigh. Look, it’s something we could write a whole article – or realistically 10,000 more of – complaining about the way women’s health is sidelined, but Robyn Malcolm isn’t someone to just sit and moan about it – she’s a doer. She wants to see change happen. She wants to actively be involved in making those changes happen.
Robyn – who is nothing short of a national treasure – has been very forthcoming in sharing her own experiences with menopause. When we last spoke to her, she talked openly about suddenly finding herself clinically – and quite frighteningly depressed.
When she went through it, she wound up making a documentary about her journey – You, Me & Anxiety – which came out in 2022 and explored her battle with severe anxiety and panic attacks.
Today, she tells me, “Literally we made that anxiety doco because initially menopause was too female centric to talk about. But the anxiety doco actually really was talking about my menopause symptoms because I really did think I was going mental.”
Now, Robyn’s revisited that journey but is talking a lot more deeply and widely about menopause – her new doco comes out tonight, Robyn Malcolm: Menopause and Us and looks at all the myths, challenges and truths, talking to the best experts she can find to help other women navigate one of life’s biggest transitions. It’s a tremendous watch.
Part of the problem, she reckons, is that menopause is still not talked about enough – and there is still so much stigma and shame surrounding it.
In the doco she uncovers the sad statistic that in New Zealand only 40% of women discuss their menopause symptoms with a doctor.
It’s a shocking stat, whichever way you look at it. It’s shocking that so few women bring it up with their doctor, but perhaps even more shocking that so few doctors are actually bringing it up with their patients.
“We need that education for doctors, particularly GP’s, so that women know they’re being heard and they know that they can talk to their GP’s so that it’s not 40% of women discussing it with their doctors, it’s 100%,” she says.
The Story & Stigma That Starts Early
Part of the issue with all the stigma and shame that seems to surround menopause, is the fact it’s seeded in from the time we’re young.
The language we use around our menstrual cycle and the way hormones affect us mentally and physiologically is often resoundingly negative – it’s sometimes cruel, and definitely damaging long term.
“The thing that I think is really fascinating, is that it seems that your hormonal journey as a prepubescent and then as a teen and then your journey right through the menstruating part of your life – whether you’re somebody who experiences really violent premenstrual syndrome or whatever – is all a bit of a tell in terms of how your menopause might go,” says Robyn.
“That’s all about your chemical makeup. That’s just who you are as a person, out of your control, but all the language around that is negative: ‘Oh, she’s crazy!’ ‘Oh, I’m crazy when I’m premenstrual.’ ‘Oh, I’m in such a bad mood.’ ‘Oh, she’s unhinged.’ ‘I’m angry.’ ‘I’m this.’ ‘I’m that.’ It’s all negative messaging, and that’s no mistake. That to me is something that needs to be addressed for young girls – what you’re experiencing is not crazy. What you’re experiencing is your own particular chemical makeup and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Absolutely nothing.”
Robyn says it’s the same story repeated when it comes to women’s pregnancy journeys – how each and every woman has a different experience with it, and none of that is within our control.
“It’s the same thing – the way some women are happy and some have a hell of a time,” she says. “Some women have baby blues, some don’t. Some have postnatal depression. But there’s so much shame around all those various states that it’s no wonder when we get to menopause there’s this stigma.”
When we arrive at menopause, there’s those years of negative conditioning around hormones – plus, it collides with all the other physical aspects that have been demonised.
“It’s like this crucible of all the bad things that women are told they can’t be,” says Robyn. “You can’t be old. You can’t have a belly. You can’t have saggy boobs. You can’t have wrinkles. You can’t have a dried up vagina and be interested in or be disinterested in sex. You can’t be grumpy. You can’t be full of rage. You mustn’t cry. All of that collides in menopause and so the shame that then comes alongside that is huge.”
The Right Role Models?
Right now Robyn says she feels more worried for young women than ever, because of who the current role models are who are in her demographic.
“I’m so, so angry at actresses – famous actresses my age, who are becoming skeletal,” she says. “They’re obviously on some sort of weight loss drug and they’ve had three rounds of plastic surgery and they’re sending a message to young women that when you get to their age, you’re not going to like yourself. You’re going to hate yourself so much that you’re going to want someone to cut into your face more than once and you’re ging to starve yourself to the point where you risk osteoporosis as an old woman because you are so unpalatable as you are. You feed that to these young girls who are on Instagram who are looking at AI perfection or being told that that’s perfection and it’s just a cycle that’s vicious for them.”
It’s particularly infuriating, because if we look at the way we talk about men as they age – well, the switch is flipped. Grey hairs? Wrinkles? If they’re on a man, we often mostly just see them as more accomplished, more dignified. Silver foxes.
“Don’t forget the dad bod,” says Robyn. “That’s a bit sexy these days. Put that on a woman? No way.”
But surely, if we see men in that light, we can start seeing women that way. Silver fox isn’t a gendered term.
“I look at people like Charlotte Rampling or Frances McDormand,” says Robyn. “They’re really sexy. They’re the silver foxes of our world and they don’t get enough credit for that.”
The change needs to happen with us. The way we talk about each other, the way we talk about ourselves. But Robyn reckons we can do it.
“I think New Zealand women in particular have a real chance at being leader globally in this. Of saying, you know what? An older-looking, mature, postmenopausal 55-year-old, 65-year-old, she is someone you really want to be. Because you know what? You’ll finally be happy in your own skin. You won’t want to change a thing. You’re comfortable with your age. You’re comfortable with your sense of humour. I think New Zealand women are closer to that than many – we seem to fall victim less to that other stuff than perhaps some others do.”
The Other Side – The Second Spring
The thing is, when it comes to menopause, yes some women – like Robyn – have an absolutely gnarly time of it. But not all women have such a tough go of it. Being armed with information is what can make it all the more easy to navigate though.
And for all the stories of how difficult menopause can be, there’s also a lot of hope and inspiration about what’s on the other side of it all. It’s something we can look forward to and to celebrate.
I asked Robyn what she’s found on the other side of it.
“Oh my gosh okay,” she says – clearly getting excited. “There’s a kind of literacy, a freedom. This endocrinologist said to me that a woman’s brain does shrink a bit when she hits menopause, and I was horrified. And she went, ‘No, no, it’s not about that. It’s about just letting go of some stuff, and some of it is about caring what other people think of you.’ So, there’s a real liberation around that.”
“I think finally you settle into your own skin. Isn’t it ironic that we through our menstruation years where we can have babies and we feel at the time that that makes us a grown woman. I honestly feel that when my menstruating stopped and I went through menopause, that was when I felt like a grown woman properly. When I went actually, I feel like I have an authority over me now, and I also know that I also have a respect for my own body now that I didn’t used to. The noise around being a certain person that is kind of palatable in this world – that stops. To me, honestly, it’s a rough old journey, but there is a lot that can help now, but the other side of it, I honestly feel like the colours get brighter and the world gets weirdly more interesting.”
And there’s one more thing Robyn wants to remind us of.
“Part of what makes the world more interesting is I’m not worried about whether or not someone wants to shag me to make babies anymore,” she says. “It’s like that is not part of my world. And I have a great sex life. That’s the other thing is they tell you that you know women become you know straight up old prunes. That’s not true. You have better sex because you’re more relaxed.”
Robyn Malcolm: Menopause and Us is available on TVNZ+ from 8.30pm, Monday 7 September 2026.
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