Is America’s ‘Second Gentleman’ a ‘wife guy’ – and what does that term tell us about men supporting women?
When Doug Emhoff got Kamala Harris’ phone number from a friend who wanted to set them up, he rang her at 8.30am and left an answerphone message in which he rambled awkwardly. For fun, Kamala makes him listen to that message every anniversary.
That’s one anecdote that Doug shared when he took the stage at the Democratic National Convention on Tuesday night. He was funny and endearing in a 15-minute speech that made you (or at least me) like Doug and Kamala even more. Doug said that, like Kamala, he worked shifts at McDonalds in high school. Then he went to college. “I worked hard and I loved being a lawyer.”
What Doug didn’t say is that, when Kamala became VP, he gave up his job as a leading intellectual-property and business litigator, and partner at a law firm, so there could be no misconceptions about conflicts of interest. Instead, he began teaching some classes at Georgetown Law school near the Capitol.
The first-ever Second Gentleman actually went to the Library of Congress to look up what the ‘second ladies’ had done. Not until the late 20th century did some take on significant (and unpaid) public roles. That’s something Doug wanted to do.
With an office next door to the White House, Doug has led various initiatives including facilitating the provision of legal aid, and combating anti-semitism, and he encouraged vaccinations by visiting Covid-vaccine clinics. A sports fan, he’s also carried out ceremonial duties at tournaments including the FIFA Women’s World Cup in New Zealand.
By all accounts, he has devoted himself to supporting Kamala however she needs. “I love me some Doug Emhoff,” senator Laphonza Butler told broadcaster NPR at the Democratic convention. “He’s an unrelenting, unflinching partner. When things are tough, he is right there. At her highest highs and her lowest lows, he is there.”
In his speech, Doug said “wherever she’s needed, however she’s needed, Kamala rises to the occasion”. It seems the same is true of Doug, particularly during this election campaign.
Kamala has praised him for going around the country speaking to people at fundraisers and campaign events. He’s also visited Planned Parenthood clinics to vehemently champion the urgency for women to have autonomy over their own bodies.
More Dougs, please.
Strength, Not Weakness
Symone D. Sanders-Townsend, a political strategist and commentator on TV news channel MSNBC, said after Doug’s speech: “This is not what Doug Emhoff set out to do when he went to law school. Often times we talk about spouses supporting their partner who is in a powerful position, and I frankly think we sometimes talk about it as coming from a place of weakness.”
“But Doug Emhoff is a strong person who is self-assured, someone that the Vice-President leans on for advice; he is the best possible counsel. So we see him standing there tonight as an example for so many people across the country.” I imagine that comment was directed mostly at men.
What Is A ‘Wife Guy’
A wife guy is, broadly speaking, a man who devotes himself to his wife. In 2020, Doug called himself a ‘wife guy’ in a Twitter post that showed support to another ‘wife guy’.
“He’s a wife guy, and he owns it,” said Capricia Marshall, a former US chief-of-protocol, a position holding ambassadorial rank, speaking to CNN. “He doesn’t shirk that – he embraces it – and that’s magic for a campaign,” she added.
Following Doug’s speech, ‘wife guy’ memes took off. Newsweek said: “Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff has secured his ‘wife guy’ status on social media after making a moving speech about VP Kamala Harris”. A Vox article called Doug a “wife guy extraordinaire” and described “how the second gentleman became the internet’s favourite male feminist”.
And on X (formerly Twitter), actor and activist Joshua Rush posted that: “we’re not talking enough about how important it is that doug emhoff is on the biggest stage in america right now as a wife guy!! Young men are getting radicalized through misogyny every day and here is doug, unapologetically loving and uplifting his wife.”
As Doug once said, “lifting women up so that they can carry out important roles is a very manly thing”.
More Dougs, please.
“Behold,” the Atlantic wrote of Doug, “a man who is content to be the supporting actor in someone else’s drama… The Democrats are pushing their own model of masculinity: the dude who is relaxed and secure enough to take pride in his wife’s achievements.”
That’s refreshing. Despite steps toward gender equality, men putting their wife’s career first is still very much the exception to the rule.
And Doug’s reaction to Trump’s insults of Kamala? “That’s all he got?” he said to reporters.
Btw, can you imagine Trump as a ‘wife guy’, taking a backseat to support Melania pursuing her career dreams? That’s a rhetorical question.
Is ‘Wife Guy’ A Compliment?
While calling someone a ‘wife guy’ is often meant as a compliment, that’s not always the case.
On social media, a ‘wife guy’ can refer to a man who owes fame or at least social-media followers to the content he posts about his wife. The term is sometimes applied to men who use their wife to upgrade their social standing or public persona.
The term ‘wife guy’ emerged in 2017 when Robbie Tripp posted on Instagram a photograph of him and his wife hugging while wearing swimwear. He wrote “I love this woman and her curvy body”, and later made the rap music video ‘Chubby Sexy’.
The New York Times says “the wife guy is a mutation of the Instagram husband, the man who exists to take flattering photos of his wife, except that the wife guy is no longer content behind the scenes. He is crafting a whole persona around being that guy. He married a woman, and now that’s his personality – perhaps even his job.” It’s performative.
But Doug isn’t a ‘wife guy’ in this grasping, chameleon sense. Yes, being Second Gentleman is a job entirely connected to his wife, but that doesn’t mean he’s crafting a persona. People say he’s authentic – and far more comfortable behind the scenes. It’s just that, in this election campaign, he can have more of an impact being in the public spotlight.
Deepa Shivaram, White House correspondent at NPR, has met Doug, and says his convention speech wouldn’t have been easy for him, requiring a lot of rehearsal. “He is not a person who is looking for the spotlight. He is the person standing quietly in the back of the room, taking pictures of his wife so he can post them on an Instagram page later”.
But this ‘wife guy’ steps up when needed. And being the first-ever First Gentleman will be a great next job.
