Friday, March 29, 2024

Are We TOO Offended Now? Why We Need to Stop Taking Things So Personally on Social Media

*Opinion*

Kelly Bertrand looks at why everything seems to be fair game on social media – and how our feeds are getting in the way of the things we SHOULD be offended about

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

There was a time, a glorious, nostalgic time, that quoting Dante’s Inferno in a story introduction would have been on the dramatic side, even with narrative licence.

But when it comes to social media, comments sections and the general vibe of user-generated content, 2023 seems like a great old’ inferno of offence that I truly see no escape from.

Posting on social media now is like playing minesweeper with people’s opinions. But WHY are we now so offended all the time? Why do we take so much, so personally? And why do we feel the need to voice our ‘offence’ all the time?

Are the old mates right? Are we thin-skinned snowflakes? Or is there something deeper going on? And, most importantly, are we leaving enough space for the things we should be challenging?

Mangoes v Oranges

Social media now is nicely summed up by this little gem of a meme:

Capsule had this not too long ago when we posted an irreverent story on manspreading – a slight tongue-in-cheek take on how men sit, spreadeagled, on public transport (but also for the love of God Steve, close your damn legs).

A comment: “Omg bigger problems to deal with than this”. Could NOT agree more, Jacqui – but right now, we’re talking about this because hey, it’s one of life’s little annoyances that we’re tackling with a bit of humour because if we only talked about the collective dumpster fire of big issues the world is dealing with right now, we’d be in a corner crying.

Everything has an easy-to-access label for offence. Right-wing beliefs are evil, left-wing beliefs are woke. And because we might be talking about mangoes right now, it doesn’t mean oranges aren’t important too.

Comedian Ricky Gervais’ now infamous stand-up line about people’s reactions to his tweets (that was subsequently stolen by James Corden) also does the job:

“They choose to read my tweet, and then take it personally. It’s like going into a town square, seeing a big notice board and there’s a notice – guitar lessons – and you go, ‘but I don’t want f****** guitar lessons’. Fine. It’s not for you then, just walk away! Don’t worry about it!”

Child-free and happy – but also hounded

It’s a problem Kiwi content creator Danni Duncan has on the daily. Most of her content revolves around celebrating the fact she herself has chosen a child-free life. Her thinking is that there are countless platforms celebrating motherhood, so why shouldn’t there be a space where women who have decided that the child-free life is for them (or perhaps those looking for positives about not being able to have children) can chat and connect?

Child-free content creator Danni Duncan (photo: Instagram)

However, the Christchurch-based influencer is pummelled with nasty posts almost constantly about her choice to not have kids, but also her decision to post about it.

“Rather than people seeing the content and realising ‘hey, this isn’t for me’ and moving on, the response seems to be that people think the content is ‘exclusionary’,” she tells Capsule.

“I was definitely very surprised [at people’s reactions] when I first started posting]. The most backlash I ever got, which I didn’t expect, was when I posted that I wanted more child-free friends. The backlash to that was crazy. I thought it was a pretty normal thing for people to want to be around similar people, but people took something completely different from that, that I was being divisive… but no one would say anything about a woman posting that she wanted more mum friends, right?”

Danni has always been deliberate in pointing out that she has never said no one should have kids, or that she thinks being child-free is the best way to live for everyone – rather, it’s the best for her and her life.  

Of course there societal influences at play here – *it’s the woman’s job to have kids!* – and, just like society, patriarchal views and expectations run rampant on social media because hell, it’s a lot easier to be sexist behind a keyboard.

But comments like someone hoping she’ll “die a lonely spinster cos your partner wanted a child and you didn’t, your 50 house cats chew your face off before anyone finds your body” indicate that we have a serious problem with how we react to other people’s opinions.

Why are we like this!?

Simply put, these days it’s a lot easier to feel that we’re at the centre of the universe – and the inability to distinguish the difference between disagreeing with a statement and being offended by it.

Social media especially has changed the way we interact be impacted by content. Information comes to you, packaged just for you by a neat little algorithm that makes it feel like this content should be for you. It’s right there, on your little screen, delivered as you sit all cosy on the couch in your own home. It’s intimate, it’s just for you. It’s special.

If something pops up in your FYP, right in between your cat content and anxiety-busting tips, you’re naturally going to think that this new piece of information should be of relevance to you. But if it’s not, it’s simple to either swipe away, or give this new information a bit critical thought before reacting.

There’s a huge difference from engaging in respectful, critical discussion because you disagree and being *shook* because someone else has a different opinion to you.

Singer Pink, whose opinions on gay rights and abortion have led to countless death threats over the years, says that “just me waking up in the morning with a vagina offends people. These days, everybody wakes up offended”.

Leaving space for the things that matter

Of course, this opinion piece is in no way suggesting we shouldn’t be offended by things we see on social. In fact, we need to stop with all of the noise around the things that aren’t even things and leave enough oxygen for the big things – homophobia, racism, transphobia, sexism, ageism. Call THAT shit out.

Not a woman down in Christchurch with cats who has decided she doesn’t want kids.

Says Danni, “I’d say to the people who try and have massive arguments with me, man, if you’ve got that much energy all up and arms about me not having kids, use it for something that’s actually going to make a difference.”

The simple act of someone else making a choice about how to live their life – like not having children – isn’t a direct response, insult or comment on how you live your life. It’s not something to be taken personally, or offensively, and if the microcosm of social media makes you feel like you should, it might be time to put down your phone for a minute.

Or grab a mango. They’re delicious.

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