Turning 30 comes with a lot of pressure of having to “make it” in EVERYTHING – your career, relationship, home ownership and children. But for Capsule’s Vivien Beduya, who just hit the big 3-0, it was a different kind of pressure that changed everything.
I’ve been telling people I’m 30 all year – partly because 29 is just a weird, filler age.
But mostly because I couldn’t wait to say sayonara to my 20s. And this week, I finally did!!
YES, I AM 3-0!!
Look, my 20s were rough.
For a short period of time, I was in a cult-y church group (that I have left since, thank you very much). I moved to New Zealand at 21 to be with my mum, and that came with a LOT OF BAGGAGE (pun intended).
At 22, I survived a car crash that could’ve killed me. The car somersaulted in the air with me in it. I landed right side up on a ditch and got out with a teenie-tiny graze on my knee.
The cops kept telling me if I landed the other way around, I would’ve been seriously injured, or worse… (Also a good time to note no one else got hurt in this accident – just me!!) Though unscathed, the shock and trauma left me verbally non-responsive for a few weeks.
At 25, I was made redundant from my job as a travel agent during the pandemic. I was basically married to that job, so it was devastating and brutal.
And don’t even get me started about my past relationships. Let’s just say they’re definitely best left in the past.
So when someone told me that my “quarter-life crisis” will sneak up on me now that I’m 30, I just laughed because honey, been there, done that.
The pandemic was a BIG wake up call for me. During Auckland’s endless level-four lockdowns, I was forced to face the mess: Am I fulfilled? Happy? Why do I always stretch myself too thin? Why do I always get a sense of ‘there’s more for me out there’?
Even then, I started feeling the pressures of turning 30. But not in the stereotypical way where you “should be” married, get a nice big house and fill it up with kids.
I was always unsure about the whole marriage and kids gig anyway – I never thought that life was for me.
No, it was more so that I didn’t want to turn 30 and still dislike myself. I realised the decisions I made came from a place of self-doubt, low self-esteem and zero self-love.
When I was a travel agent, I may have won awards and free trips, and lived a seemingly glamorous “jet-setter” life. But behind the picture-perfect scenes, I was burnt out: always tired, always sick, and never had time for myself.
In the matters of love, I always found myself in unhealthy relationships because I didn’t know who I was, let alone what I deserved.
So, for the better half of my late 20s, I decided it was time to treat myself better.
At 26, I committed to therapy – and forgive me for the cheesy therapy speak – to unpack and process my life and “re-wire my brain”.
At 27, I admitted I did want to get married one day and got intentional about dating. This was when I met the loml (love of my life), the first partner I’ve ever called that and the first I’ve ever lived with.
At 28, I finished my post-graduate diploma in journalism to go after my childhood dream.
At 29, I’ve hit some bumps in my career as a journalist. But I’m learning to not let my career define me anymore.
Now at 30, my partner and I are in the process of buying a house together – a home we hope to one day fill with kids.
It might look like my life magically fell into place at 30. But the truth is, I worked hard to get to this point in life.
I’m content. Genuinely happy. Finally at peace.
And honestly? Now that I am 30, I have no idea why society made it out to be this terrifying and ‘old age’.
I’m so over the propaganda that says we need to have it all figured out by now, because 30 is still so young.
The average woman lives to about 83. Longer, if I’m lucky. So why on earth would I treat 30 like it’s “the end”?
Oops, no kids and not yet married? Not earning six figures? God, who cares!?
I spent so much of my 20s stressing and surviving that I barely had time to be present for it.
As I enter the next decade, the greatest gift I could give myself is to just be present and enjoy it with all my loved ones.
Because GUESS WHAT? I’ve still got decades ahead of me, queens.
