Award-winning journalist – and recent NZOM recipient – Suzanne McFadden has been working on a heartfelt new project, helping Kiwis to preserve the memories of their loved ones. It may even inspire you to have a meaningful chat with someone close to you – and Suzanne has just the perfect questions to get a conversation going.
A few years ago, a close family member of mine was diagnosed with dementia. The time since that cruel diagnosis has been filled with sadness, fear and worry.
One of the surprisingly big worries I’ve felt is the fear of my own memories of them failing. I’ve felt a horrible sense of urgency to make sure I know all their stories. To make sure that I have down as many of their important memories as I can and that I have their voice recorded somewhere. After a diagnosis like dementia, all those little pieces of stories you’ve heard them tell you over and over again, suddenly become a big deal. What was that story again? Why is that piece of jewellery so important to them? Why didn’t I jot down more of this information somewhere over the years?!
In the last few years I’ve tried to get down as many stories and memories as I can, but trying to preserve someone’s memory can be an overwhelming, daunting task. And that’s coming from someone who was trained as a journalist and was specifically taught how to ask the right questions to put a story together.
So, when it was mentioned to me what journalist Suzanne McFadden (who was just made a Member of the New Zealand Order of Merit in the King’s Birthday Honours for her services to journalism and women) has been up to lately, it really struck a chord.
Suzanne – who has mostly worked as sport’s journalist (and a bloody good one!) along her long career – has been working on a special project called Reflections, alongside Steve Holloway and Seamus Marten, whose names may be familiar to you as the hosts of the podcast ‘Between Two Beers’.
Three years ago, Steve recorded a 90-minute conversation with his father, Bruce, asking him all the questions about his life that he’d always wanted to know. He predicts that one day, that conversation will be his most valuable prossession. That planted a seed, which has grown in the Reflections business. The team – including Steve, Seamus, Suzanne and radio host Mark Stafford – capture your loved one’s voice, face and stories so their tales can live on for generations.
They do their thorough research on the person (which might mean talking to different family members, friends, former colleagues), then the award-winning interviews sit down for a long chat, drawing out all sorts of golden moments and stories along the way.
Suzanne says people’s first reaction is quite often the same – it’s something along the lines of ‘but I’m not that interesting/I don’t have a story to tell’. But Suzanne is yet to do an interview where someone didn’t have at least a few incredible stories to share.
For her, interviewing these ‘every day’ Kiwis, is really no different to talking to some of our most well known and acclaimed sports people.
“Interestingly it just feels like a continuation of what I’ve been doing,” she says. “Because throughout my sports journalism career – which, God, has now been 40 years, I’ve always been about telling people’s stories. I don’t necessarily know how to sail a boat, but I know how to talk to the people who sail the boat, and the human story is the best story. That’s been my mantra right through my career. We’ve all got our ups and downs in life. We’ve all had different success – and how we measure success is different.”
Suzanne says the work has been incredibly rewarding so far – particularly being able to find out things about the subjects, that their loved ones have always wanted to know, but just haven’t been able to ask. Often too, she says, there’s that sense of urgency I’ve talked about, in wanting to make sure you’ve got those memories safe and recorded.
“Definitely a lot of the interviews we’ve done so far have been situations where either the person’s memories are deteriorating or, they’ve been given a diagnosis and there is that urgency to get these stories recorded and their memories saved,” she says.
If reading this has made you think, heck, I really should ask my parents/grandparents/relatives some important questions, but you’re not really sure where to start, I’ve great news.
Suzanne has five questions she recommends you definitely ask. From there on, the world’s your oyster and you might want to get very specific about things that have happened to them. But, these are five questions you should definitely ask your loved ones, and if possible, record their answers so you’ll always have them.
- What were your grandparents and parents like?
- What were the favourite parts of your childhood?
- What are you most proud of in your life?
- What are the main changes you’ve seen in the world in your lifetime?
- What advice would you give your children and grandchildren?
