Dealing with difficult emotions is something that is inevitable in all of our lives – whether we like it or not, at some stage we’re going to come up against grief, or great disappointment, loneliness or heartache. So often our instinct is to suppress them, to run from them; to do anything we can to not have to sit in those horrible feelings – which, can mean we just lock them away, temporarily, until they come sneaking back up to find us when we least want them to… But, this Kiwi life coach (who has been trained by Tony Robbins!) says there’s one piece of advice she received about emotions that changed the way she perceived them forever – and she thinks it might help you see them a bit differently too…
Nikki Taylor is a Kiwi who has built a successful international career in HR, training, business strategy, sales and coaching, and was trained by some of the world’s best experts and coaches (including Tony Robbins, Dr. Richard Bandler, and Dr. John De Martini). She also recently wrote a book for anyone who is approaching midlife, or in the thick of it, quietly asking themselves, ‘Is this it?!’ – which she titled, yes, ‘Is This It? Essential Lessons to Navigating Midlife Confusion with Confidence.
Over the years Nikki’s learned a heck of a lot through her work and clients – as well as the access she’s had to some of the world’s biggest names in her field, but there’s one piece of advice she received that completely changed her outlook when it comes to feelings and emotions.
That one thing was: ‘Feel your emotions without becoming them’.
“This completely changed how I think about emotions,” says Nikki. “I believe our emotions are information. They are signals from our mind and body telling us that something needs our attention. That’s why they’re called feelings, not ignorings.”
But so often, she says, we quickly push those feelings aside.
“Too often we’re encouraged to push through, stay busy or move on before we’ve processed what’s happened,” says Nikki. “But whether it’s happiness, excitement, grief, fear, frustration or sadness, it’s important that we allow ourselves to feel those emotions rather than suppress them.
“At the same time, there’s a difference between feeling an emotion and becoming it. We can feel grief without becoming grief. We can feel anger without becoming an angry person. We can feel fear without allowing fear to define us.”
But, how exactly do we do that?
“For me, the power of this approach is remembering that emotions are temporary,” says Nikki. “They come and go. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge, learn from, and move through them, we can respond more thoughtfully rather than being controlled by them or remaining in a state of suffering. Sometimes the simple reminder that ‘this too shall pass’ can be incredibly powerful.”
If you’d like to hear more from Nikki, her book Is This It? – Essential Lessons to Navigating Midlife Confusion with Confidence is out now.